Tags: life force


I've Not Seen Such Dodecahedron!

All things considered, I still feel rather well. You know I have not really said much of my job, only mentioning it in hindsight. It takes two of the things I really enjoy, and could have a job about, and puts them together. The only way my job would be ultimate would involve me doing something with a gaming developer. So, I will stick with Reality and go from there.

I am a teacher. I am in technical support. When I first started working for USWest I was simply answering the phones for POTS trouble. I incorporated my computer skills into my day to day life. Managers having printer issues, or agents having similar, would come to me and I would hook them up. So with my skillz out there on the field, an opportunity would arise where I could be a trainer. I could take these 30+ years of service an apply it to something.

When I started college I was not sure what I wanted to do as a career. I mean, teaching would have been awesome, yet there were thoughts about the pay, and I was not sure how to apply anything to make this work. So being told I would be a trainer, and thus teach people how to do a job, well, that went right up my ally. I have had a lot of fun at this job function. I do not teach like normal people, however, and pull this from the few teachers I have had who have inspired me through my years. In fact, my love of psychology derives from my psych 101 teacher. Had I not had him, I most likely would have never thought to take psychology as a field of study. Seeing how I already have a 'Jim Hanson' tag, I most likely talked about him eons ago. Still, the man deserves his props. Same goes for Dr Evans (a tag I seem to have wrong).

I guess this is the reason I write down what I write. It reminds me when I talked about Life Force, and I saw that the post I made was almost identical to another post I had done years prior. Ah how the mind works. Well, at any rate, I enjoy my job, even if there is bullshit that gets thrown into it from time to time. My current boss, Connie, is one of the greatest bosses I have ever had. She is an awesome boss for a similar reason I would want to be with someone, which is she let's me be me. Any sort of relationship I am no longer in almost breaks down to, "Madd, stop being you," happening one too many times. True, not all of them, but, a lot of them. Well, my boss does that. She lets me work my classes the way I want to, with only the most bare structure required being followed. Plus, she thinks like I do in many cases. If I pull billions of hours, and want to take a little extra time to go grab my kid if all my work is done, then it is allowed. I may not get paid for the 50 hour work week I will sometimes pull. I will, however, get to take an hour to go grab my kid. If you work 50 hours during the week, you can have an hour here or there. That's Madd logic. It should be normal logic, however, not all think that way.

Here it is, your moment of treasure...

It Already Happened

I think it interesting how much I went into my Life Force fetish to run across the fact the very second entry I made was about it. It also made me remember another game I enjoyed, but not as much, even though that game was also a female dog to play. It is also nice to see my TNG fascination has been going on for many moons.

I am extremely unmotivated to do anything. Even getting myself to play FFXI can be a rather big deal in life. That is saying a lot. I am not sure if I care much for life, as in, it could be over at any time and I would not panic on the thought. Well, there is always some form of panic, but not really as much as a human with self preservation would otherwise have. I am pretty sure I don't have to be put on a suicide watch, so anyone concerned can stand down. Reading old entries, it makes me really happy that at some point in my life I did that. I use to keep awesome records of my life, and I find it fascinating to travel back to those periods. It is similar to my collection of pictures, chats, and everything else that I "pack rat". With memories being one of the base necessities of my own existence. Is it still considered "bad" to hoard memories? Maybe the time I was documenting every time I had a bowel movement was a bit excessive, however, I think I understand the point my mind was attempting to make to itself. Then again, I find my mind does an excellent job of defeating me. Hmm... being attacked by a brain... does this remind you of anything? How interesting I hear "Poison of Snake" right as I start talking about it. This shit isn't scripted, folks.

There are only two things I have truly gotten rid of that I otherwise would have kept. I delete almost all photos that have any sort of blur, since my OCD does not tolerate that shit at all, not even of my own child. Another, well, is still debated and my overwhelming sense of procrastination makes me want to put off even talking about it. I can do it tomorrow. Even though it will be some time after that... like, when I am dead or something.

I want to reboot my brain...

Pick it up for...

As most humans who know me, they know I am a gamer. Being a gamer might have something to do with my brain’s fixation on technology at an extremely young age. It could be due to ties that I have with my childhood, as having a connection with something in most people’s past is important to them. Some might say that most important adult goals have their roots in childhood memories. Others would say that every day adult life is touched by the memories of childhood experiences, or that our grown up fears were the spawn of childhood thoughts, as well as our anxieties, and that our most negative adult views of our persona stem from extreme younger memories. What no one seems to figure out, from my research, is the reason all of these things are true.

Right now, I am listening to Life Force (NES) RRemixed – Part 1 of 2 / Part 2 of 2. It takes, what is one of my favorite games of all times, and mixes them together in an extremely different and unique way. Life Force, by all comparison to today’s games, is really nothing of a game. You have a few stages, where the stage boss is about as difficult to defeat as it is difficult for me to determine if I am going to wear a Floyd shirt for the day or not. The music is impressively done to the game, and the remixes I have come across in my life on this planet have been massively impressive. I have done a LOT to find as much music as I can from the game in the many forms, both official (Konami and their reuse of music in various games) and unofficial (people well beyond more talented than I ever could be that take an 8-bit melody and turn it into an orchestration of heavenly proportions). I get all motating and gyrating about, with goosebumps, and sometimes absolutely zone off into space. I might forget the fact my life means nothing in the grand scheme of things, or that as an adult I have all this responsibility I am suppose to deal with. Life is much easier to contend with when I can just hop into my Vic-Viper and blow shit up.

While I cannot explain for the life of me the reason my attached memories are as they are to me, at least in this case I can remember something about them. Back in the day when I was in Council Bluffs, my mother use to take me to the local arcade at the Mall of the Bluffs. There was this fun game I kind of liked. I cannot find it or remember the name of it for the life of me. It was a multiplayer game where you were flying ships, and would shoot at things, and when there was another player you could “attach” your ship to their ship. I enjoyed that game, because it was a fun game to play with other people. However, there was a game I loved EVEN MORE. For the “life” of me (pun intended), I cannot remember the reason I enjoyed it so much. The game was damn well impossible to beat, and took a lot of quarters. I actually do not remember this part of it, I only take it from the fact when I play it on MAME that I know how damn impossible it is. The game is the Konami sequel to Gradius; Life Force. “Flame eruption!” The game was released sometime around 1986(? debated), meaning I was 12-13 when the game came out in arcades.

It really shows what kind of mother I had, given the fact she was not only pumping quarters to me, but also standing there watching as I played the game. In fact, while I am not exactly sure the reason it happened, I was unable to use my “good hand” at one point, making playing the game near impossible with one hand: can’t pilot and shoot at the same time. Well, when this happened, mother decided to take over the shooting for me while I flew the Vic-Viper into victory (in all honesty, I probably was flying Vic into a fiery ball of death, destruction, and various body parts seeing how I was flying around inside a living organism.) I cannot remember some of the most important aspects of my existence, yet this thought is stuck into my mind.

I also remember that I saved up a lot of money for my NES. Back in the day when I was this age, saving up money was a big thing. When I finally had enough money saved and wanted to get one, my parental units decided to get the system for me, as well as one game. I don't remember why, nor what I did with the extra money. However, I do know that the first game I bought with my NES was Life Force. One thing I was not prepared for back then was the extreme difference between an arcade game and counsel game. This NES game I played was nothing like the arcade game past level 1. Little did I know at the time how wonderful an experience this would be. Also, for the first time I could finally consistently beat this game! This is the first game I would learn the Konami Code from. It would also be the first time I would have a "game within a game". Any gamer has their "game within a game" with their favorite games. The stage four - Cell Stage 2 boss, Skull, would come at you with bullets everywhere. After doing enough damage, his eyes would fly out at you. At one point playing this game over and over, I decided to fly around him to get away from his bullets to find that when I was on top of the screen and his last eye popped out, he would constantly fire towards the top of the screen. The only thing I had to worry about was his crazy eyes coming after me. However, once they were destroyed, I could just sit there, doing absolutely nothing. I think it is one of my favorite game within a game tricks. Maybe it has something to do with the fact I figured it all out by myself. After all, there was no Internet then as Al Gore had not invented it yet. It could simply be due to the strange brain configuration I have that makes some things extremely amusing. It could also be due to the fact the music hits certain parts of my brain. If I am dyslexic, then it would be interesting in how music works on me since it is generally processed in the right hemisphere of the brain, affecting hormones, encouraging the production of cortisol, testosterone, and oxytocin (the "love drug"). I have heard music being used as "therapy" for dyslexia. There could be a pattern there. Of course, I could be beyond crazy, so, who knows. Dyslexia would cause timing difficulties in music. I happen to excel in the "art" of music. I know one common symptom of one with dyslexia is an attempt to overcompensate for things. Mentally pushing myself to excel in music could be an effect of this. It might also explain my obsession with 24 hour time.

Maybe something happened to me that I don't remember in my experiences with Life Force. After all, my memory seems to be confused on certain time line events. My mother was no longer living in Council Bluffs when I went to Tri-Center my Freshman year (1988-1993). Information shows the game should have been released in August 1, 1988, when I would have been 13.5 years old. The NES was released in Oct 18, 1985. Now, if memory serves me, which it rarely does, I ended up with the Action Set that was released in 1988, because I had Duck Hunt and a light zapper (still have both to this day). So maybe my only real confusion is how Life Force is release in 1988 in the States so late. Of course, another source shows 1987 in the States. I will add it all to my large list of questions for God when I see Him.

I am really thankful Stingray is as into this game as he is. I wonder how he got into it. I know he was a Gradius champ.

Bring on the Pain

     Mwahaha!! The very life force that drives me. How ironic. Life Force. Before I knew of this phrase, it was a game. Ah, actually, it was more than a game. I remeber the times of old, the very old, before there was a device known as a NES. That old 8 bit system that would turn around the world. I was in the video arcade. I had nother to thank for that, since way back then, I would not have been old enough to drive or anything. Heck, no job, not for someone around the age of 13 or so. (RIEDE, WHERE DID YOU GO, DUDE?) However, there it was, a game known as Life Force. I am not exactly sure what drew me to the game. I am sure my mother had something to do with it. She brought me into Darius. I remember in that game, the right buttons were broke, so she would smash down on the left ones while I drove the ship. Ladies... if you ever wish to show your youngsters how much you really care, do what my mother did. Take interest in what they do. Many moons later, I rememeber saving up my money for this thing called a Nintendo Entertainment System (NES). I saved up, however, my loving parents (loving also to each other at the time) would get the system for me. I am not sure what I did with the $100 I had saved for the system. I do remember, however, that I went to get the system with mother. I was so excited, and I got one game to get when I bought the system. It was Life Force. Konami made one of the greatest games ever, and I do not think they realize how much so that was true. Even when I took it home, I would play it, and play it, and do so forever. Aye, forever, a long time, and that is how long I played this game. Mother would actually play the two player mode with me. I do not remember her skills, but it was all about the fact she was playing with me. A reason I have a love for her deeper than most people. Possibly so more than father. Of course, it was her plan all along to have me, but that is a twisted story I shall not go into now.

     There was, of course, one other reference to Life Force. A movie... a twistedly dark movie. You may wish to stop reading if you have not seen the movie. I just might ruin some information for you about this most... WONDERFUL movie. I guess one would say it is a horror movie. I would go well beyond that, like like the so called game Konami made is something well beyond a game. It cannot even be seen as a game, just ask Stingray. He knows. I showed him the truth. One of the rare few who could handle the truth for what it was. Anyway, if you are still reading, then you must not care how the movie goes. Patrick Stewart is in it. Aye... good old Jéan-Luc Picard plays the part of Dr Armstrong, and he gets ripped apart. Mwahaha!! Not a pretty site, and if you have youngsters in the room, you may wish to run them along at this point. I remember the first few times that I watched this horror, that I thought it was real. Aye, real. As if it had happened. It captivated me that much. A naked vampiric female runs around sucking the life from people. She takes their life force from them, and they in turn become vampires. These are vampires in ways that no Bram Stroker, or anyone else, could ever portray in this stunning way. I remember when I made the connection, that I was playing a video game, and seeing a movie, with the same name, and how enthrulled I was into both of them. Ironically, the movie was released in 1985, and the video game came out in 1986. However, the game was the sequal to the infamous Graduis. Graduis came out in 1985, but seeing as how the movie and game were the same year, I do not think Konami made any connection there. Mmm... it feels so wonderfully good. The music that I speak of is the remixed version of what Life Force players would call "boss" music. It is better known as Salamander Fire Dragon music, however, I think it should actually be called Maddian Force Music. It drives so much force into me. I have cleaned when I would otherwise not. I have done things that I would otherwise not do. Most importantly, I have stayed awake as long as this music plays. Even in my darkest times, when I fight, almost as if attempting to stay alive, Maddian Force music has energized me with full power. The remix version that I actually listen to via MP3 is track four from a disc called Konami Shooting Battle Perfect Sellection, and that song in itself is a perfect selection. If you compare it to the original, putting speakers directly to your brain, you can hear it all, assuming your headphones are good quality. On that disc, it is known as Gradius Boss Fire dragon, and you can hear a snip by peaking at http://www.altpop.com/stc/reviews/kstgb.htm, and checking out track four, of course.

     Where was I? I so do not remember. I took a quick little trip back to my home world. Something I rarely do, but I just feel so energized. So beyond enthralled. I am in a stasis of being that no mere human, whether it be female or not, could ever take me. That brings me to a great wonderful journey.

     One thing I love to do when I go to the club (Generations) on Wednesday is to drink. Of course, the main reason I would be there. Especially since it is free drinks from 0800p to 1000p. I may leave work at 0900p, however, I have plenty of time to scarf down some drinks. Well, this time is no different. More so than usual, I find myself scoping out the humans. I like to watch them interact with each other, it brings Madd much entertainment. Seeing guys scoping on women, hoping to score, and seeing women doing their best to use their bodies to take advantage of the poor scripted souls known as men. On many occassions it has been tempted on me. In the past, I would give in, to what I thought was kindness. After all, I do my best to spread as much kindness as possible. However, I wonder how much of it was nothing more than the hidden pane to my own existance. Well, I had easilly corrected that. I think of a few women who have "grinded" up against me, and how I thought nothing of anger for them tossing their bodies at me, with the possibility to spill my drink! The nerve of those creatures, thinking they can take tantalizing bodies and thrush them up against me, as if I would do them a favor. I did a favor by not slapping them across the face is what I did. It matters no what the package shows. I do not think intellectual women actually hang out in that place. It is not a place for intulectual people. Some would wonder what I would do there, seeing as how I have made claim to such fame of a pleatura of cognition. I like to watch. I enjoy seeing people in what would be known as their "altered" states. One thing about alcohol, which many disregard, or just cannot come to grasps, is that it shows true colors. I start to recognize the faces that I see, and that means easier time of understanding what they are up to. No good, from what I usually see. I am no perfect being myself, I mean, do not get me wrong. However, there are some basic concepts of humanity that I will always be able to understand and carry out, even when my mission of shedding the skin of human onto the more wonderous world of Maddian, or possibly something else, has completed. It is something I shall carry out for. It is something I shall achieve. They say there is exceptions to every rule. That means to the exception itself. True, that brings the paradox of God, the mightiest of all beings, able to do anything, into thought as how can one who can do anything make a boulder that She is unable to lift. Making a rock that one cannot lift... because in the eyes of humans, God can do anything (those who believe), and that means God can make the largest of boulders that She can always lift, but it should incude the fact the most powerful being in all existance should be able to make a rock He cannot lift. Black and white... that is the realm that the human lives in. It is sad. The limitations of everything that are places onto the facets of imagination. That of dream and desire.

     Some times a person finds themself walking down the path of life, through the forest of existance. At times, they stray from the path, and do their best to return, but it turns out they take another path. So goes my journey, as I work on my web page some more. Ah... fun...