Okay, so, let’s see. My life is equal to what I make of it, and what I make of it is what I made of it. I never got into my former fiancé and what happened there. I know I said a lot of "kick ass" things about her in the past. That is because, at some point, there was some truth to what I was saying. Of course, if you ever want to know how a relationship is, take a look at it when something is fucked up, not when the boat is running smooth in calm waters. Titanic, feel free to take notes.
I think when someone can pick apart your very name and make fun of it, that shows what you are dealing with. If you back someone who does the same, again, that shows the mentality and function of that person's higher cognitive functioning. I also think it is safe to say, that you can take a look at a person's past, as well as those relationships in that past that go beyond an intimate nature, and thus get an understanding of someone.
I am strong. I am weak. I have a weakness. I could be classified as a FFXI NM (notorious Maddness). Let's see, how would I get documented in a FFXI wiki;
Zone: Logoic Plane / Irrational Zone (when in rage);
Drops: Pink Floyd paraphernalia (100%), Video Game music (89%), psychological babble (100%)x2;
Notes: B, BS, C, T(H) (B = Aggressive with possible link to beer, BS = Aggressive to bullshit, C = Aggressive and links to child, T(H) = True Honesty);
Spawn Conditions: Generally spawns around 41° 36' 2" N by 93° 36' 32" W. Random lottery spawn due to specific timed events, also a forced spawn during "work" events.
Special Abilities: Draw In - Madd occasionally will draw in new players with uniqueness abilities. The fascination of being unique and different can catch some new players off guard; Insane Babble - Madd will spew forth "random strangeness" (citation needed) that confuses players into just giving up. This is a special ability with no warning, and many times Madd will not even realize he is using this powerful attack; Other abilities currently unknown or secret.
Further notes: Madd is difficult to charm with illogic. However, when his "Jarin" summon is spawned and attacked (mentally or physically), Madd changes from the "Logoic Plane" into the "Irrational Zone". Also, Madd can be charmed in other manners when the player uses "Reward" on his "Jarin" summon, or attacks with "Floyd". Special courting note; attacking with "Floyd" will generally cause the opposite results intended by the player. Also, when Madd is under the effect of "Bio(logical clock)", extremely susceptible to charm. When claimed under the effect of "beer", aggros to BS and C extremely easily, causing possible rage in minutes. It is recommended to not claim while under the effect of "beer" with wither BS or C. Claim with video game, Floyd, logic, or music instead to avoid rage effect.
-Cannot solo Madd under any level unless able to balance "Reward" with "Jarin" summon. Must have "Reward" skill capped.
-defeated as Ex. While under the effect of "Bio", started off as easy fight. Able to rage against Madd and use illogic and still was winning since "Bio" effect made most attacks by Madd ineffective. Unfortunately "Bio" effect wore off, and Persistent skill was not high enough. Eventually was defeated and moved on.
-defeated as former fiancé. Started off fight immediately using Reward on "Jarin" summon. Got to engaged stage, however, unable to hold due to low persistent skill. Gave up and left unclaimed, causing Madd to return to Spawn point.
-defeated as many other. Usually defeated when too much agro via BS. Many will attack with "boobies", however T(H) will generally see through people using BS.
-currently claimed by Girlfriend. Started fight with "Reward" on "Jarin". Also used "FFXI" spawn point which lowered charm resistance.
(people unfamiliar with the FFXI who actually read this far and want to understand the "humor" of this parody may wish to visit http://wiki.ffxiclopedia.org/wiki/Kirin
Yeah, okay, this is almost as cool as my Jesus FFXI NM I was going to do a long time ago around Easter. Of course, Jesus is cooler than me, so, it is not like I am comparing. Then again, recently a customer who I talked to for 1 hour 52 minutes and 37 seconds kept telling me I felt I was God. However, translating the above, and going back to what I was actually talking about since I actually remember, my last relationship "started" from a simple IM, where I sent a comment to her and she to me at the same time. At least, I would if I could remember. I started this post a few months ago. I know the whole FFXI thing really got my motor running, as it normally does. If I remember, I believe I was attempting to wrap up some loose ends from my past. I am conflicted between two "super" powers. I am not sure if I want the ability to never require sleep, or having perfect memory. Not ever being tired is extremely difficult to pass up. I could give up any form of caffeine stimulant. However, my very definition of life revolves around what I remember, and the ability to remember everything or to jot something down, and then forget it forever unless I "re-read" it. There are many things that clog my mind that I cannot seem to shake. When I was visiting and happy in TX, my ex was always there. She had been there for about a year after our bad fallout also. I was not sure how to remove the thoughts from my head, and having to keep tabs on Jarin obviously made it beyond impossible to just forget she ever existed. I think a part of it deals with me growing a spine, but doing so at the most inopportune time. I most likely could have benefitted from having a spine and being able to stick up for myself around the age of... 14 or so. Waiting until child and 30+, not so much. So when I grow a spine and decide I am not going to be walked on anymore, it appears to cause me to replay all these times where I was treated disrespectfully. I am sure it also played a part in my ex fiancé. I mean she at least benefitted from what I learned from my ex. I also feel I really know what I want from in life, regarding someone else. I have narrowed it down to what I feel is "a few basic principles".
When I was younger and most of my life growing up, I was picked on because I was different. As shown throughout the history of man-kind, when you are not like all those around you, then you get looked at different. Ask any black person from the Rosa Park era. Ask any "the world is round" from the Columbus era. Ask any burnt crispy corpse in Salem, Ipswich, and Andover in the 1692 era. Ask any alien that visits us in the future and lives here in the... not yet happened era. If humans can't understand it, they shun, ridicule, or shoot it. I was not shot at as a kid however... oh wait, no sorry I take that back. I remember something about a crossbow being shot at towards me when I lived in Council Bluffs one time when I was mowing. Then again, maybe that happened to a friend of mine? I am starting to feel like Cloud being confused with Zack. Well, again see a reason why perfect memory is top on my list.