Madd Martin L Kroeger (madd74) wrote,
Madd Martin L Kroeger
madd74

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Note To Others


This post is being written for a few select humans.  My term of "human" in this case is not a very good one, I might add, since the meaning behind it pits what I dislike most about humans, and the fact remains, the humans involed are/were good friends of mine.

I would like to point out, that Paul is in no way shape or form subject to any of this.  Everything I say about the humans is not including Paul.  It is also not including Gretl.

The following I speak of, well, in my eyes it almost goes to the same respect as if these humans were to have told me a lie to my very face about something important to me, since it deals with another issue I really truly do not approve of.  And translate it any way you wish, humans, I know who you are, and I shall say no names, and your time to reply shall be when I return from my vacation tripped to WI.  The forums shall keep you posted as to when this actual event.

So let us talk about control.  Also, let us talk about the Mirror Effect, and while we are at it, let's talk about the world's flavorite subject, sex.

Once again, I would like to point out that Paul is an exception to this list of humans, since he otherwise could fit the bill.  I will not even go into the reasons why I exempt him from this list (at least not in great detail).  He just is.  You know, of all the humans in my life (good or bad), and of all the humans on this planet that have any right to hate/dislike/have bad feelings towards me, Paul is the only human who has actual "legal" right.  He is the only one who has done nothing to me first without me someone making a first move towards him.  My first move was not even direct towards him, it was indirectly.  Nevertheless, my actions have caused him pain, and it is pain he has the right to feel.  Any bad thing said about me, any cynical remark, any of anything ever said to me I have come to the conclusion to this day, Paul has had total right as a human being living on this planet to have towards me.  While he choose first to despise me, he later decided to at least accept me as someone he might call... friend, even though, I will not assume his real feelings towards me.

So, that leaves me with the rest of the humans out there, the ones this post is targetted at.  I have thought long and hard as to why such things would be said, especially in the manner they were, however, you know, there is no reason for me to get into it, really.  So let us just go into control.

Do you humans want to see REAL control?  Oh, I will be happy to show you control, from a day when I could lay control down almost as a non-mortal being into the realm of existance.  I learned from my father, and I learned a little too well.  I locked it away into my subconscious to use it, unmerciful, towards people I cared for and loved.  Oddly enough, this lesson would be taught to me best by another human (not part of this post) who would put my very life in danger and show her real regards to my friendship as nothing more than, "I just want someone in my life... oh wait, I found someone else I no longer require talking to you... oh wait, you are in my class I require this information... oh, never mind class is over no longer require you again." So as ironic as it is, I would learn about my very devistating control issues, and I would, for the most part, subdue them.

However, I have this tendency to reflect back towards others the same way that they treat me, as a whole.  Granted, there are imperfections in my being a human that cause err in judgement, however unlike many other humans I know I tend to see, "yeah, I messed up, I see the proof here." When I see proof to a mistake I make in life, I accept it as that.  I messed up.  I am the responsible party.  So in no way do I feel myself a perfect being.  I see many flaws in me, and in so, things get in the way of the Mirror Effect to make it look as if the Mirror Effect is wrong.  Actually, the Mirror Effect is never wrong.  Certain things, perceptions if you would, however can be wrong and it is THOSE things that may get reflected back towards others.  Um... the only example I have is a bad one, however since this post is going towards humans who now have tripped a very big trigger, I see now reason to spend too much time thinking about it (note, this in itself is the Mirror Effect).  Woman is on the rag, so she acts towards me with a pissy nasty mood, since her day has been bad, her man dumped her, and she just lost her job.  As humans go, she is actually otherwise rather decent.  This one time, however, she is just... well, a rag.  So she interacts with me and just totally goes off on me.  We shall say I have known this human for... 2 years.  This human (and before I go any futher, this human is based on absolutely no one) has otherwise been decent to Madd.  So all of a sudden, she is just throwing everything out of the window.  We shall say that Madd is having a bad day also, so, he takes in this information, and something blocks or represses all the wonderful things she has done.  We will call it Faulty Filter X.  So Faulty Filter X takes in this human.  Let's call her Jill.  So Faulty Filter X sees all this stuff Jill is doing now, and let's it into my brain.  Faulty Filter X decides to negate with that filter the years of wonderful happiness that have alawys been our friendship.  The Mirror Effect kicks in, and all of a sudden, from this day on I treat Jill from this point of existance.  I do not call her as much (if at all, we know how bad I have been with just calling people), I do not write her emails like I use to, and everything else.  Now, Jill being the "typical" human that most are who I come across, of course has a mirror effect of her own and reflects all these changes.  My Mirror Effect then reflects that back.  Ah, as you can see, the relationship once had between us has gone down, drastically.

This is what I see from 99.9 of all humans (including those who will never be able to read this since they do not even have net access).  I explain I treat people exactly as they treat me.  Jill here comes alone and states, "That is bullshit.  You totally treat me different than you use to."  Yeah, Jill, while on the rag, also ended up surpressing what she did on her side and focused more as to what *I* was doing in return.  So as far as Jill's Reality is concerned, she is actually correct.  However, her Reality is wrong in this case.  She started something, plain and simple.  Granted, humans can argue that *I* could have shown more compassion.  This is true, I could have.  However, this states that I am suppose to be perfect, since I was also having a bad day.  So when you break it all down, it still breaks to the truth: the Mirror Effect of the downwards relationship started with mallis down by Jill.  While I could have had more compassion towards her, SHE could have had the same for me since I was also having a bad day.

So now you understand better what the Mirror Effect is, in a nutshell.

So let me skip a bit, so now we are on my original topic anyway: Gretl.  Does Madd control Gretl.  Madd controls Gretl as much as she has done so to him since day one, and vise versa.  This whole post is about you few select humans, who appear to be bringing up the fact that I may be (or for the blunt few who are outright saying I am) attempting to control Gretl.  I have seen some of the proof, by the way, and let me jump off tangent for a while into this so called proof.

Being who I am, I learn to overcome difficult situations and problem solve.  It is part of my job, it is what I do in most of my video games, it is just a way of my life.  I trouble shoot, and you know, I am damn good at it.  If I was not, then I do not think I would be where I was at my work, and half of the entire center would not come to me when they got stuck with a problem.  Sure, I do not always know the answers, but you know, I can sure find them rather well.  For those egotistical humans out there who read this, let me translate it for you one more step.  No, I am not the only one who can do this, and yes, there are many out there who can do it better.  End translation.  Now, Gretl happens to have a spot (hidden from work, of course, in my own special way) on my work computer, that allows me to click a link, a message comes up with a preset subject, and a pager number.  I enter information, I click send, and with technology pending, Gretl gets a page within seconds.  It is truly spiffy to watch.  Well... Madd, in his imperfections, some times forgets things... like... his keys, his pants (I did it only once), and of course, his cell phone.  Madd does not rely on his mind to do much about remember numbers, after all, that is what the cell and palm pilots and computers are for.  So, if Madd does not have his cell, he is out two fold.  A) He is unable to send messages to humans who do not have email to their phone, just text messaging.  2) He is unable to call and inform humans of things who's number he does not have.  So... when a fun time is predicted after work, and Madd is not going to have his phone with him again until 3am, and he realizes humans MIGHT attempt to get ahold of him, what does he do?  HE GOES TO HIS BEST FRIEND, BEST FRIEND BY DEFINITION THAT HE CAN COUNT ON BEST FRIEND MORE SO THAN ANYONE ELSE.  BEST FRIEND WILL HELP IN ANY AND ALL POSSIBLE WAY, AT TIMES WITHOUT QUESTION, BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT BEST FRIEND DOES.  MADD WOULD DO THE SAME, AND DOES, FOR ALL SAID BEST FRIENDS TO MADD'S BEST ABILITY AS A FAULTY HUMAN.  Yeah... so... since Gretl knows how to get ahold of people and can better than Madd, then Madd turns to Gretl to take care of what Madd is not able to.  Yet... for some UNKNOWN fucking reason, someone wants to drill it into Gretl, in their own special way, that Madd is CONTROLLING Gretl.  My word yes!!  I am controlling someone by going to them for HELP when I am not able to do something!!  My word, I wish I would have known this definition of control back when I really was doing it, because MAN... think of ALL THE DAMN HUMANS I COULD HAVE REALLY CONTROLLED.  There are just... SO DAMN MANY OF THEM!!!!!  Whoohoo!!  The WORLD is my OYSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Mwahahaha!!

Now, we break from this subject to jump to something else... and this something else ties with the whole issue of control VERY WELL (at least in my Reality).  So we turn to sex, and not just sex, but sexualaity (being oral, masturbating, anal, vaginal, heavy petting, etc).  We further take that to sexuality between Gretl and Madd.  I would like to start off by stating, sexuality between Gretl and Madd is NO BODY'S FUCKING BUSINESS BUT OURS... and... our exception, Paul.  Whether it is happening, whether it might happen, whether it is planned to happen... you name it, there are only three who have any right to know.  So let's count... one, two, three people only (humans) with a need to know, and yet, 29+ who find reason to want to talk about it.  Now... with the sexuality thing, I will state, I am rather happy how it has gone.  There was "no talking behind Madd's back" about the subject.  As far as I know, and I can always get clairification, anyone who asked Gretl, back when Melissa and I took our path apart, and a few before then, also asked Madd, "Are you two going to end up having sex?"  I love that, as if I marked it on my calander (maybe I should had made them all Maddbot updates).  Granted, it is still really no ones business except the three humans mentioned, but at least nothing was done behind my back.  The controlling issue?  Yeah... guess how I found out about all of this... NOT FROM THE HUMANS TALKING ABOUT IT, MINUS THE ONE HUMAN IT EFFECTS THE MOST... Gretl.

So, let me wrap this all up... as many of you may have noticed... I... well, I just appear to kinda sorta not be all that too happy, or something, about what it is that I have come to hear.  The really GREAT part, is that only two people, as of now, KNOW what it was I heard.  Obviously, Gretl heard things or none of this would have started.  So...

To all the humans out there talking about control, minus Paul, you have up and lost massive point value in my book.  As far as the Mirror Effect goes, this is all being prepared to go down as a massive mark.  We are talking big massive to where a few humans... well... may never recover from it.

I wanna break off here for a moment to share some thoughts on my drive to work this day.  You know, I have been an absolutely way too kind person to the humans I come in contact in every day life.  I mean, to a point, to where I have been thieved literally over thousands of dollars, have lost friendships because things OTHERS have done to those close to me, and basically been a damn doormat to this planet.  I put up with it no longer, from no one.  Not even my best friends.  You know what makes my best friends just that?  I need not worry about being stepped on in this way... if they start to do so and I point it out, they stop, and they apologize or whatever to make up for it.  As for my friends, well, they are SUPPOSE to be my friends for if they do something bad or evil or what have you, that when I state that I feel it is happening due to them, then THEY work to correct it as soon as possible.  For, if I am pissing in someone's cornflakes and do not realize it until they tell me, you know, I find it only right to buy them another bowl, piss free.  So, while it seems like I can be a cold hearted ass who could end a relationship like that, please note, that if I would end a relationship, you started something, and decided it was not worth YOUR time to correct it.  You thought it to sefl centered because it's all about you you you.  You did not want to admit YOU were wrong, you did not want to do this, etc, so on, and so forth.  I understand better why I had written a post way back while I was drunk, that almost slammed the people I would call friends.  I did so because being walked on all over by humans such as Iowa City Whore (um, yeah, name change), and Maur, and all these other so called human friends who I have either invested mucho time or mucho money or both, who would just up and GIVE UP on me because I am too busy to write them 50 times a day, or I don't call them all the time since I am so scatterbrained, and all this other crap.  I was tired of being their door mats.  And you know what (besides it is improper grammar to start a sentance with "and")?  So what... ask anyone who has never done anything of intent bad to me.  Ask them what I do for them.  I come across these humans from time to time that some how managed to never say a bad thing about me, defend my honor if it was attacked, and they look at me and how I treat them in life as if I was this perfect non-human immortal.  Frankly, I do not like that, because then they are putting me on a pedistal I would rather not be on.  They are putting me on a pedastal that is not true to who I am, since I do make mistakes.  Yet... they look at me as if I was the greatest thing since sliced bread.  Oddly enough, these people who put me on these pedistals are actually doing so to themselves.  These kind and selfless acts they see are me reflecting back to them what I see in them.  Any human who meets me for the first time, and thinks that I am the greatest hero they have ever known, is saying THEY are and most of them do not even have a clue that they are, despite that at some point, I will tell them, "From the first moment I come in contact with you I shall treat you as if you were the greatest person ever until you give me reason otherwise to do so."  I guess due to my unique nature, it is just not expected.  Just as most humans (not all) cannot accept the fact that I am as honest as I claim.  So yay for those humans that do not find some sort of reason to dive into personal self gratification of mind and body, and bone me over such as I feel these humans who have stabbed me straight in the back.  So... back on track...

I basically know who you all are.  As I have stated, massive points are on the line as to how I see and interact with you... however, in the nature of the Bible {sigh}, and in the nature of the mighty Lord who looks over creation... I offer a way to redeem.  I offer a way, of course, in a controlling manner.  For, as I stated, I can show you control.  I can show you ALL control.  I feel that the control lies with YOU humans.  In fact, I would go as far as to using some psychological knowledge (of which I do have some, I did graduate after all in the field of computers and psychology).  I see projection... that wonderful ego defense mech that takes what makes up your being, yet, is thrown onto the likes of someone else.  Classic example.  Jill, the town bicycle, that the whole town has had a ride, sees that Jane is hanging out with Jack.  She is being very flirty, and in a projecting manner, Jill starts to talk about what a slut Jane is.  See... that is projection, at a basic level.

I have vacation soon, and I am looking fowards to it.  I am not sure what I am looking foward to more... vacation or the ten year Tri-Center reunion I am having in less than 24 hours.  However, vacation is not until... um... I believe Sept 6th.  That, I believe, is Saturday.  The vacation goes all that week, and ends the next Monday.  I return back to work on Tuesday.  However, not all of that time (I do not think) is going to be spent where I really wanna be, and that is with my close friend Stingray, up in WI.  At some point I am going to come back from WI.  The moment I come back from WI, I am going to check THIS EMAIL ADDRESS WITH THIS SUBJECT HEADER.  When I check THIS EMAIL ADDRESS WITH THIS SUBJECT HEADER, I am going to see, of ANY human I know to have mentioned anything about me attempting to control in any way shape or form Gretl, who replied.  I will check the subject, and make sure it is the one provided.  If it is not provided, and is in any other form, I will simply IGNORE it's existance.  After all, what kind of control freak could I ever be if I did not have such a snazzy and spiced up-cool subject??  For thse who note and question the "tone" in my email, also realize this post is written with the combined Mirror Effect efforts of a GROUP of people, and not just one single one.  That is the reason there are many parts in here that are actually some what sincere in nature.

Failure to do so is NOT going to prompt me to tell you, in any way, that I know you were one of the humans who said what you did.  Also note, if one single human being would have had the decent mind to at least inform ME as opposed to just going to the one source, I may not be quite at the level of frustration that I am.  Of everyone who did, minus the exception, who is an expection anyway, all of you are humans who at one time were VERY CLOSE to me.  Wow... amazing.  Just... amazing.  You are the same humans that have BITCHED about something regarding Gretl also.  Humorous... absolutely humorous.  I can, truly say, that human beings will simply never cease to amaze me.  This is something I do not think I would have ever been able to imagine.  I guess I thought you all better friends than that.

Ooooh yeah, almost forgot, hahaha, the REQUIREMENTS for your email.  Silly Madd, almost lost my mind.  Well... let's see... an hour's worth of my LIFE was wasted simply doing this message itself.  This does not include the mental time from when I first found out to this point of starting to write it.  I mean, a lot has gone into this, so, obviously, I expect something in these emails if anyone decides to write them.  After all, as far as I know, I will simply be "subtracting points" from everyone invloved (minus Paul, and I think by now everyone involved knows he is exempt, just like a cool tax break!).  There is no reason I ever had to have had to even think about this, let alone write it... but... humans.  Anyway... let me check this here...

{scanning}

Okay, up to the scanning part, we have... 17134 characters, 4043 words, 23 sentances, 254 lines, 21 paragraphs, 6 pages, with an average of word length of 4, an average words per sentance of 176, and a massive maximum words per sentance of 754.  This is all this pasted into wordperfect, with Times New Roman, 12.  All margines set at... 1.0.  Wow... that's a lotta bones to me shmokin'.  Hmm... so what does Madd want in return?  Um... okay... at least 14 sentances.  I want honesty.  If someone out there thinks this is just more control, that is fine, I accept it with good proof of all what you feel is control, WITH the added sentances as to why you feel you have to go behind me to talk about it (since no one seemed to have a problem asking about sex with Gretl). For the record, a sentance is defined as a noun and a verb with the ending of a punctuation (. or ? or !).  While I care not of your spelling, I *do* care of your grammar, meaning, nothing like, "I sorry. I bad. I understand. I wrong. I will not do it again. I apologize for the inconvience this has caused both Gretchen and yourself. I won't do it again. I had bad day. I do better. I love. I love you. I want you friend. I want friendship. Okay."  Anyone even as much as dare, and I mean anyone, to mock what I write here, will find themselves on the bottom of my worst list.  I *promise* you this, and yes, I did say *PROMISE*.  Mock me not to this post if you value anything between you and I as a friend... or heck, even to just simply use me for the rest of your life.

I advice that your name be the first thing you type, followed by a double space, and then going into your 14 sentances.  I wish you all the best, as I wish not to see any of you fail. {sigh} Of course, now that humans are not going to be able to walk over me and crap on my heart anymore, maybe some of you just will not like me.  Just remember those who do not like who I am... you just may end up not liking yourself in Reality.


... goodbye!
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