Madd Martin L Kroeger (madd74) wrote,
Madd Martin L Kroeger

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All and All

(this was started Saturday into Sunday and due to computer problems and then the two chats with the ladies as defined ealier is being finished up now)

Filter: removes something from whatever passes through it; alters the frequency spectrum of signals passing through it

(Maddian definition)

Filter: to take mental processes and scan through to determine which ones come through and which ones are kept at bay; a process used in communicating with humans to hold back many things otherwise said to to human interaction with blunt open forward truth.

JOHD... I am going to take you back, to a time, when insanity was truly our cup of tea. Many times, I hear humans talk about how crazy they THINK they are.  Even this human has done such things before... ah... but this is a time when insanity was truly shown, in a form... well... in a form rarely able to be reproduced.  You know, JOHD, insanity is when you decide to take all concept of thought... all processes of mentality, and decide to not filter it to humans.  Why?  Let us example the average, and even the above average human being.  Many humans I have studied, and in these studies, I find that each one has a point, to where they just are not able to accept the truth as seen by others.  To better explain this, JOHD, I would like to bring up the four panes of perception, a concept brought to my attention in one of my psychology classes, with no references, so, if I get a few mixed I do apologize old friend.

Open Pane

The open pane is just that, where the individual realizes the behavior and the outside world knows it as well. A classic example for thoses who know me, would be my love for Pink Floyd. I know, obviously, that I have a love for Pink Floyd. Any human, even many who do not even know me, also can realize this same thing. That is what makes it open, the fact all know of it.

Closed Pane

The closed pane is where the individual realizes the behavior and the outside world does not. For anyone who masturbates and would dare not tell a single sole in the world, then this is a case of closed pane. The individual wishes to not share the information, and the outside world is just not known of its existance, due to no sharing of such. The fact I masturbate, for example, is classified in the open pane since I know I do it, and many others know so as well. In fact a few ago at work I had fun with that bit of information, mwahaha!!

Hidden Pane

The hidden pane is information that is not known to the individual, but is known to the rest of the world, and many of you have encountered this before. Think of someone with really bad breath or body odor. Many humans would not want to offend the person, thus, never bring it to the human's attention, yet, anyone who walks by this human will notice the smell. The person, living with their own self and accustomed to any gradual changes, could be totally unaware of the situation. If it goes on long enough, and it is in the hidden pane deep enough, if someone brings it to their attention, they may deny it flat out. Their mind may never let them smell what others smell just because they have lived with it for so long and "no one else mentioned it". So the hidden pane has the information hidden to the individual and exposed to the world.

Unknown Pane

This is a case where neither the individual or the world is known to the situation at hand. Someone who goes out on a blind rage and murders a bunch of people may possibly have no clue as to the reason they did it. The rest of the world may have no clue either. Or, bring it closer to earth, someone who starts to cry in a room filled with strangers could have no clue what s/he is crying about, and the strangers would not even know where to begin as to establish reasoning. The unknown pane has both uknown to what is happening.

In summary with me, I strive for the top two. The bottom two deal with the subconscious getting a hold of the information and not releasing it to the rest. If the third one, hidden pane, were to be around, then I would enjoy much over if it was brought to my attention so I can place it to an open pane. The more I know about what makes me think and do what I do, the better chance I have to control its direction. Maybe every Sunday I stink since I do not shower and it turns out if I skip a shower I stink. Then I want to know of this, I want to be informed. Granted, I may not do anything about it and be happy with it. Since I do not care that I stink, and it is only one shower I miss, big deal. At least now I know.

So how does that relate?  Well... filtering is a case of a closed pane.  What makes Madd filter?  Once again I go back to a point of true insanity.  I state it as such since that is what it was, a time where I acted in a consious way that I was not able to proper stop.  I went through my three days not filtering a single thought, carried paper and pad, and almost every single human I came across was either leary to be around me, or thought I was putting on a "show".  How typical... if we do not understand it, let us file it away so easily and quickly.  I remember handing that project "Drain Bamaged" to my psychologist at the time (before I realized that me having a shrink was not possible due to his goals being money driven).  Ah yes... most excellent work.  At the time, I do remember my mind was driven by a female form, I do believe Panda, who I would not realize until later who she was.  I saw her as... someone who was totally caring of other people and always put other people before... hahaha, heck, this makes me laugh just realizing how 180 in my thinking I was.  Granted... back in the day, I gave people more credit than they deserved.  I have learned to go more from queues of personality than anything else.

Thus yet again we tie the tangets up to the start of the whole processes, and this note is, of course, for the humans.

ATTENTION HUMANS: The following are about to be brought to you the soon to be OPEN pane of my experiences as they happened AT THAT TIME.  This means, when I post about December 31st, 2002, that I have no clue of what is to come.  I had no knowledge of now back then, and the writings shall reflect as much.  The reason I bring this to your attentions is that a few handful of you will hear sides of my stories that conflict to how we coinside to this day.  To translate, some of you had issues with me and I felt a certain way back then, and now everything is "peaches and creme".  So you would read it and wonder why am I bring up all these old memories.  Well, the Reality is I am catching up to what is already mainly written down from that time.  You are just now getting to see it.  While this is the case, you are still more than welcome to comment about the issue at hand, even if it is not about you.  Just realize if you are commenting to an issue, that much of what get written about has already some how been resolved in some situations, and not even close to others.  Learn to read the dates.  If it says three months ago, keep that in mind.

Another thing to point out, since you are human and some of you have a difficulty grasping this, I write this for me.  I write this for Madd, and I generally write this as if no one else was reading it.  It makes it more real and meaningful for me to do so.  Since some information is not deemed for the eyes of anyone else but Madd, this information simply gets censored.  I at least have a time reference and can check with the other side of JOHD (the closed pane). Most of the reason I post public stems back to JacyLane, who has shown a dedication to wanting to know about almost every aspect of my life and what and who is going on.  Since I do not always have time to chat with such wonderful people as herand her following kind (people after her who would also so major interest in my life's work), this allows then to comment or bring up conversation material, as JacyLane has done many so times in the past.  Even though I stated that my emotions and feelings are done so as best as possible from the time it happened, at times I shall comment from present time, noted by {"insert here"}. All such documented events are easily known by looking at the subject, since said subject shall be a Maddate of some sort.  Unlike my year review, where I gave everything to catch up towards the end of the year, everything is going to be posted as seperate posts.  For the few who are avid readers of My Life: Maddness, I suggest reading in chronilogical order.

On a final note, realize that I clean my friend's list according to two situations if you are already on. If you decide to delete me, do not expect to be on this list, or if you prove yourself a threat to the well being of me or any of my friends, you shall likewise be removed, as was the case with Maur and lately netguru.

/* End Attention */

Well, JOHD friend... so much to be done, and I plan to stick to my duties of the day.

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