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The End is Now - JOHD

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Apr 22nd, 2003

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07:36 - The End is Now
JOHD, the following are some examples regarding factors in divorce, and I hope I end up listing over 8 of them:

-Courtship is less than 2 years
-marriage while in teens
-husband is unemployed
-wife is employed
-no children
-child has serious illness
-cohabitation history
-limited income
-limited education

Oh, do not forget if parents are divorced.

JOHD, here are the 8 things that I have learned from my class:

The three types of relationships are A-frame, H-frame, and M-frame. A-frame is dependant upon each other. Both are totally in need of the other in the relationship. If the one person is not there, that one half stick piece falls as illistrated by a diagram that is easy to do on paper but not on the computer. The H-frame is independant. Both can go on without the other one, and there is very little imtamacy or togetherness. M-frame relationship is ideal. There togetherness and depandacy with the other, however, the couple exist as individuals and keep their own identity

Sex vs gender. Sex is the biological aspect of a person that defines male or female. This means that a man is who is he due to his biological make up, while a female is who she is by hers. Gender is the social and psychological characteristics associated with your sex in a given society, such as female gender being gental and emotional while male gender is rational and competative.

A sexual double standard is an encouraged view where males are seen to start sex more often, have more partners, and have sex more often than females. This is acceptable behavior in society.

The principle of Least interest states that a person who is least interested in the relationship has more power over the relationship. If one is totally head-over-heels and the other is just "eh", then the person who is just "eh" can dictate where the relationship goes.

Anger could be a necessity for a relationship because it italizises or brings out a point on a person's mind. Is someone is angry, pay attention to what they are angry about and attept to understand it.

The Four Horseman of the Apocalypes in a marriage according to Gottman are Criticism, Content, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Criticism is attacking a person and not the belief. Content is the intention to insult and psychologically abuse your partner. Defensiveness is an attempt to protect yourself and ward off a perceived attack . Stonewalling is when a person starts to withdraw from the conversation and possibly the relationship. This usually spells for trouble as it means someone is giving up on the relationship.

The magic ratio in a relationship is 5 to 1. The way it works is for a positive relationship there should be 5 positive things to 1 negative. If this is mantained then the relationship should continue to function.

The three types of marraiges are validating, volitle, and avoidant. The validating type as the couple listen to each other. Both parties are allowed the oppertunity to state their side of the situation. Volitle as both sides attemtping to win. The other side is more likely to jump in or interrupt. Avoidant has the couple agreeing to disagree. A concern could be brought up by one person, it is challenged by the other so the originator drops it.

This one is for me, JOHD. Sweet, I just saw without counting I actually leanred 8 things in this class. I would like to go into the 10 power words. They are I, You, They, It, But, Yes, No, Always, Never, Should. Many people avoid I because they fell they are bring attention to themselves. I accepts responsibility for the self and can take onwership. You can be felt as an accusation when only informing is meant. They... who is they? It is a way to spread gossip, as in "they say that...". It is an indirect way to talk about "you". It can me easily misunderstood since it often is not clear what IT is. But is a way to say yes and no in the same sentance. I love you but I wish you would do something about your way of living. The but many times will erase the first part of the sentance, in this case, I love you can almost be erased from the sentance. Yes and no are important and too many people say yes but or yes maybe or no to just be on the safe side. Always is a positive form of a global word while Never is a negative. Always clean your plate and never leave anything on your plate, for example. There are few cases in life with something is always or never something. Should. Ought and should imply there is something wrong, or that you failed to measure up to something.

Another important thing is the understanding of trigger words. A trigger word is/are a word(s) that mentally make you see "red" and make you bring up feelings from the past. We automatically react to these things as if we were in that past situation and many times as a human we tend to forget the meaning is something totally different to others.

Well... as long as the final is not altered... it appears that I shall do extremely well. Where in the world is a pen??

[[9 comments | Train your Brain]]


[User Picture]
Date:Apr 22nd, 2003 07:19 (UTC)
does this work to illustrate the A-frame relationship?

I read this, twice. . .but I think that I would understand it more if we could talk about it sometime

Love ya

[User Picture]
Date:Jul 5th, 2003 14:34 (UTC)
it is close... however the blue one sits up, and it would fall the same as the purple... then it would be a perfect illistration

if talking about it sometime is a type of request, I suggest doing so directly? Or maybe you attempted to at some point and no time or something?
[User Picture]
Date:Jul 8th, 2003 20:34 (UTC)


ah ic, makes more sense. . .

eh it was. . .but not so much anymore. . .
[User Picture]
Date:Jul 10th, 2003 12:20 (UTC)
why for not is it so much anymore?
[User Picture]
Date:Jul 10th, 2003 13:42 (UTC)
just cause I read it so long ago, and its just not as fresh in my mind, or I have other things on my mind
Date:Apr 22nd, 2003 07:49 (UTC)


I like this... So true.

When will people wake up to what is really happening and stop just saying "Hi, How are you doing, excuse me, thank you" mindlessly as they walk on by themselves.

Mmmm i smell a cigarette somewhere...


[User Picture]
Date:Jul 5th, 2003 14:35 (UTC)

Re: inslavery

Mr Chance... they will not... they will continue to do what they do... because they are pulled in by their subconscious... I feel it is more a subconscious response than anything...
[User Picture]
Date:Apr 22nd, 2003 08:41 (UTC)

wow, dude, that was very interesting reading! sounds like you're set for the final.. good luck!
[User Picture]
Date:Jul 5th, 2003 14:35 (UTC)
Must have been, I got an A for the class :D

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