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Jan 21st, 2003


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02:02 - none


JOHD... it hurts me to see someone I care for so much be hurt... and to continue in the hurt.  I should be in bed.  I have class, and I do so soon, however... my mind... will not let me rest.  So, instead, I shall take on some baddies in FFT, and then, I shall attempt bed after that.  There is {sigh} so much on my mind.  There is more than I can begin to express.  hEhEhE!!  I laugh, because, I am not wearing pants.  Well, that is not the actual reason, but I shall use it as an excuse, as I sort through my emotions.  I thank the Lord for the true friends that He has help put into my life.  I thank the Lord for all the wonderful people who truly are looking out for me in this mortal realm, since, I am but a flawed human who as many others searches to find himself.  The Lord has looked out after me even in times when I would swear Him down.  Lord, Heavenly Father... I cannot make up for the sins I have done against you.  I shall not make excuses for my actions, I do not care how small or young I was.  I do not even think it right to ask for an apology.  I was basically a greedy self-centered child.  Everything bad that has ever happened in my life I have deserved, in one form or another.  I know that your love is the only true love, and I must say, I thank you many times over for all the things you have brought into my life.  Even the seemingly horid things all have a lesson to learn.  {sigh} More so than even Pink Floyd, you have always been there.  You have never let me down, even when I was a horrible human being and did so to you.  I know that I have let you down in my life.  I know, just because I can look back, and see the things I have said through the corse of time, and the things I have done, or not done, that I should have.  Take care of those who are dear to me.  Do so because these people who are dear to me, are special people, and You love all of Your children, and these children are no exception.  I choose to flood myself with a lot of information before I went to bed.  I did so when I felt I should not.  I should have just played my game and went to bed, so that I can wake up, shorter of breath and one day closer to death.  I realize that the mortal life we live is nothing compared to what is in store for all of us, and many people think You have everything predestined.  I feel that wrong.  I think that with the right thoughts, that You can change something you would otherwise allow to happen.  I mean... if everything in life was nothing more than a script You already had written out... why bother pray?  Why bother believe in You?  There would be no point.  It would be like we are all living in a movie.  All the parts are assigned and we just have to deal with that.  I think that is insane, and it is the reason I do not listen to humans when it comes to You.  You made us in Your image.  In doing so... I see how You can be... persuded... even if You know what every one of us is going to say, the fact is, You know, and can act upon it.

My best friend... she feels pain.  I ask that you tend to her.  Take care of her.  She is a special human being who does not deserve the pain that she feels.  You can help her with that.  You can do anything.  You are the God almighty who created existance.  You created all existance.  I ask You help show some of that compasion towards her.

Other than that... take care of all my friends.  If it was at my expense... if there was a balance that was required, then I guess I would ask you do so.  Take care of my girlfriend, my best friend, my family, my friends, all those who are cared for.

I realize how my existance came to being.  It was done... on a lie, one might say.  The reason you put me on this earth is something well beyond my mortal understanding.  I think, at times, that maybe the way things turned out should not have happened.  I think so due to how there was dishonesty, and maybe this happened so I could learn a lesson... so I could absorb truth and follow it in a way that makes you proud.  I am not sure... humans think they know You so well... yet, these are the same humans that say this or that is not possible... not possible when with You, our Creator, anything is possible.  I love You, Lord, in a way I wish I had the ability to express.  I wish there was some way that I could show You how much that I have total and utmost love with you, however, I am not sure how one so small {sigh} and weak could show someone so strong and powerful as You the love I could feel.  Maybe the day I die, and am removed from this mortal world, I could do as such.  However, I cannot now.

I do not talk to You enough, not like I use to.  I remember back in the days when I was talking to You more than anyone else.  What happened?  I... I wish I knew.  I guess when You answer my laundry list of questions, You just might be able to tell me.  However, at this time, Madd is unable to answer it.

I'm not wearing pants, God.  I realize that You already know this.  I mean... I am only just sitting here... in my tighty whities... but You know Madd, I like to state the obvious.  Of course, while You are looking out for all of those who I hold dear to my heart... look out after me.  If anything, do so because I require a lot of help.  I have been asking You for help as long back as I can remember.  {sigh} Have I thanked You of late?  I think I did in this post... however, my brain is tired and not corrilating information with me as I would wish.  I wish it would just... shut off, now, so that I could sleep.  However, that is not the case.  Well... I think I am going to let You go, to do that cool thing(s) that You do.  I have a test today... think You could help me study for it?  Hahaha!!  Of course You could!!  Holy metal, did You HEAR that fart I just did?  Yeah, I know You did, but wow, it seems I am not able to do that at work anymore.  Maybe something is wrong with me.  Eh... besides You, who knows?

Dear Lord, God of all that exist, take care of those who strive to be better than they can be.  Take care of those who hold You dear in their heart, since they are mortal, and know no better than to sin.  Thank You for Your son, Jesus Christ, who died on the cross for the sin of man.  Dear Lord... thank You for the black Chocobo's that shall smit my enemies down, and crush them like bugs, mwahaha, because deep down inside, that is all they are... bugs, and it is time for extermination.

I have to pee again...

[[5 comments | Train your Brain]]

Comments:


From:eyes_of_cyrene
Date:Jan 21st, 2003 05:53 (UTC)

{{HUG}}

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There aren't any words to express my thanks... for coming out with me last night, for hanging in there, for the hugs and your words and your prayers on my behalf.

I love you and I really do thank God for having you in my life.

I hope you smote those suckers like bugs. *gryn*
[User Picture]
From:madd74
Date:Jan 22nd, 2003 10:51 (UTC)

Re: {{HUG}}

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I realize there are not, but your actions have always spoke volumes to me.

I definitly thank God for you in my life. With things going the way they have been, you have been the most stable source of sanity that I look for... the speck of light in the darkness of life.

They killed Myles... damn Black Chocobo... we got them the second time.
(Deleted comment)
From:(Anonymous)
Date:Jan 29th, 2003 02:41 (UTC)

Oo

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and the question must be put forward...

American or English pants??
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:madd74
Date:Jan 29th, 2003 10:17 (UTC)

Re: Oo

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LESS FILLING!!

Oh, oops, wrong commercial, hahaha!!
[User Picture]
From:madd74
Date:Jan 29th, 2003 10:16 (UTC)

Re: Oo

(Link)
Not really, I do not use the English system anymore...

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