curiousCapp does not occupy my mind as she use to. It is almost back to the point it was, despite the fact I now have had chances to do things about it, yet, have declined. Curiosity... it is curiosity that flooded her in my mind so much. Curious, how a 15 year old, your first girlfriend, who had the mind of a 15 year old... how it has grown and curiosity as to what I felt she would become. You know... curiosity got my virginity lost, and no matter how much I have attempted, I have never found it. Curiosity... I am curious of death. That makes me wonder if I some times do things... subconsiouly, in respect to death, meaning, foolish things. Death is the only curiosity that can never seem to be satisfied.
I only get to do it once. I have other curiosities... I have curiosities of God, and of course, some times those curiosities send my mind flying off to another realm. Some times that happens when I am curious about death. There may be a relationship... or, it may be a similarity. No matter how much I know of God, or no matter how much I see or research death... I can never have that proof that I get with my other curiosities. I was curious about sex. I no longer am, I experienced it. I experience God... however... I only experience Him from within. So I guess the real thing is not about proof, but what kind. Internal vs external. Granted, I feel that God and myself have a great relationship. However, I cannot tell when I may do something totally wrong in his eyes. The Bible may be the Bible, however, it was written by humans. Even if God's will did put divine force behind it, you look at all the Bibles and stack them towards each other, and find inconsistancies. This goes to show that humans have tainted something so pure. Thus I can read the Bible, but in my mind, I will always see it as a translation more than actual fact. Humans are weak, they show it often in the eyes of the Lord. I do not think it is fair to God. Then again, what is fair to one who is beyond any possible conception of mortal? A good question, add it to the list.
Something seems to be wrong. I can sense that it is wrong, yet, it continues to happen. At this point, I sense that whatever is wrong is being attacked, meaning, attempts are being made to right the wrong. Whatever is wrong wishes to be that way. An object in motion stays in motion and an object in rest stays at rest until acted upon by an unbalanced external force.
Bingo. I figured it out. Eternal vs interal proof. It actually co-insides with Newton's 1st law. I wonder if he did psychology on his spare time? This is important information, because as we should know, JOHD... the laws of physics can be broken by 5th Dimentional Thinking™. This means that curiosity in the extremes of God and death can be subdo'ed. You know, I do not even have a right to be curious of God. Maybe in some respects I do, but when you compare my state of being compared to God's state of being, then I see why no one does. So impure and little of thought... how can it come close to comprehending something so far beyond it? How could a two dimentional creature ever encompass the abilities of a fourth dimentional being? God extends many dimentions, possibly an infinite if there even is an infinate ammount. Little old Madd has only made it up to five... many other humans enjoy living in four.
I was in the other room, JOHD... you know it because you know me better than they do. JOHD... I remember the last time I lied... actually, not per say, but I have a target. It was to a customer. It means that I lied one time to a customer and I have worked at Qwest for three years. I know that the first six months I was still stable with my job. I know that at some point, I got a call from one of those customers. It was one of those customers who should cease to exist. People who are so self centered, selfish, and shallow that they do not deserve a phone, let alone talking to anyone about it. For some reason, she was never going to get off my line because in repair I did not have an answer for her, or something like that, so I said something to her. It was a lie. I told her something I knew was not true. I... failed. The world I have built was destroyed that day by one human... possibly sent as a test, or may have just randomly sropped by {sigh}. I failed that day. I lied. Straight up. Not repression or anything else. It was someone I did not know, did not care about, and wanted nothing to do with. However, in regards to people I actually know... I unfortunately do not have such an event locked into memory. I know the human it was, however, it was father. It would have been... some time between... 1993 and... er... 1996 or so. Lied then locked it away to forget what the lie was. Humans lie because they do not want to deal with things. Humans lie because they do not want to fact the consequences of their actions. Humans do not want to be seen as a bad being, so humans also lie to cover things up that may protect themselves. This is where a lot of EGO defenses stem from, especially repression and denial. JOHD, it is important that lady is the last human we ever lie to, ever. Many times... humans beg to be lied to... they want to be lied to. They know how something is, or how something will be answered, and they want... well... some of them want to be humored, okay, but others still want to be lied to. These are the humans that are most dangerous to me. For they always request, and out of kindness, you wish to lie to them because it is what they want, and we like being in the market for making others happy. However... never comprimise. In fact, the most important thing to remember is... is...
Hmm... Metroid is calling Maddness away from the computer... computer, who had a new human with curiosity, no longer has such... computer just has computer... Metroid has... curiosities to explore... and... muuuuuuuuuuusic...
