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Maaaaaaaddnesssss... Where Aaaaarrrrreeee YYyooooou - JOHD

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Apr 18th, 2002


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13:03 - Maaaaaaaddnesssss... Where Aaaaarrrrreeee YYyooooou
{sneeze}

Master Madd's Log, Maddate 020418.46 0105p:

     AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggg. Okay, Procrastination Deamon has won. Around 1 month of my life... no wait. Around 2 months since last I was writting is gone forever. Eaten by the evil Deamon and its minions.  They crawled inside my ear while I slept, and just took information from me.  Took it out.  Gone forever.  They dipped into my pocket, and stole money from me.  Lots of money lost.  They went to friend's houses and cut links I had with people close to me.  They have multiplied, JOHD.  They have multiplied in ways that are unreal.  I want you to imagine this, old friend.  A warrior, with 400 HP.  All these crazy boney monsters, about 4 feet tall, and 10 HP start to fill into a room our warrior hero is in.  He has a two handed sword.  They all have small daggers covered in some toxic goo.  They all rush the warrior at the same time.  Well, what they can, after all, there are only 150 in the room at one time.  Of course, the cooridors that connect the room, there are four, they stretch for miles and have 298,356 of these little beasts per cooridor.  Some how the warrior knows this.  So there they go.  They swarm him.  He swings his sword around his head, crashing it into the skulls of the first few waves.  Once their bodies die, they wither away into nothing, as if they never really existed.  In fact... they don't exist.  The warrior does not know this.  But he keeps fending them off with a furry.  Hundreds of them he takes down.  It's insanity.  They keep pouring out.  One big massive onslaught it looks like.  Finally, a few get some shots through the warriors D and he feels slightly sluggish.  Next thing he knows, he is covered by this crazy creatures.  They stab and poke the warrior and he falls to the ground.  They stick their fingers into his head and start to suck out his memory.  He lays there, slain, only to jump up in a raging roar and start laying the smack down yet again.  Not only is he slashing them with his sword, he is drop kicking them to the next life.  He is head-butting any that are close enough to him.  He fends off more and more for hours.  Then a few get their daggers stuck into his side, piercing his armor.  Once again, he falls to the ground.  They take their claws and jam them into his skull, sucking out his very life.  Others stick their claws into his purse, and start sucking the money and possessions from his existance.  Friends and family start to fade.  He lies there... able to feel everything fade away from him.  He has the strength to get up again... but through his eyes and past the claws of these beasts, he sees a whole room still filled with these creatures.  He can see the start of the four cooridors and how it seems these beasts continue forever.  He wonders what the point is to get up.  Just lie there, accept his fate, and wait for death to finally over take him.  FUCK YOU!!  He screams as he jumps back up to his feet.  He throws his sword down to the ground, and starts to grab them with his bear hands.  He rips them into pieces.  He sticks their heads, arms, legs, chest into his mouth and chews them up and he continues to bash them with his body, hands, and feet.  Their foul taste fuels his insanity, because insanity is the only thing that appears to keep him going.  All forms of logic and reasoning appear to be gone.

The Truth be Known

     JOHD... I am that warrior... I have been for quite some time.  Ever since birth.  Those creatures... they are spawn of thee Procrastination Deamon.  A damn beast that has thrown its minions towards me, in swarms, all my life.  As the story explains, they do not exist.  DON'T EXIST DAMNIT!!  They are NOT really there!!  I could wish those fuckers away and they would all be gone.  I could continue with my qwest.  Instead the most horrible of things happen.

A Fate Worse than Death

     I am sad to say that the ability to go to England to see Roger is no longer a possibility.  The UK Ticketmaster sight is sold out.  Stopped by a bunch of little creatures that DON'T EXIST, I failed to go grab my tickets when I had the chance.  Failed.  I was defeated by my own mind.  My worst enemy.  I have failed, JOHD.  I think I am going from frustrated to sad.  I am not sure if Roger is going to be touring anymore.  It is so odd.  I had a DREAM about Roger!  A dream I was at this concert.  It was strange because it was almost more him talking than any music.  However, it is the third Floyd dream that I have ever had.  The only thing more important to me is God, and I have only had one dream there.  I actually have it written down somewhere.

Swiss Cheese Stories

     Due to the fact I have to work, I cannot get into what I do remember, and what has been written down in my life.  I opt to only tell you the horror stories that bring me to where I am today.  JOHD, if you half knew what was happening in my life... you would turn and twist for a long time.  So much has been seen.  So much lost.  So much not done, and so much fighting.  These crazy paracites that don't exist are sure causing madd a lot of pain.  I have thought of many things.  I have prayed to the Father.  I have bought or acquired toys that were to help me manage time.  I have done what I thought I could to get things remembered and done when they needed to be done.  However... here I am, not going to see Roger.  Myles says that once you see Floyd you never have to again.  Myles uses excuses.  Nothing but damn excuses to save himself from what he thinks is my wrath.  A wrath that takes on the same form as those minions.  They don't exist, but Myles makes them in his mind.  How do I know he is filled with tainted human excuses there?  He has gone to see other bands more than once.  That is how I know.  That, my friend, is my proof.  A human states to me that they are not able to get on the computer to write me.  That is their excuse.  A stale sad excuse, I might add.  How do I say that?  This same person is able to post tons of spam on message boards.  It is proof that it is nothing more than an excuse to explain why I have not gotten a simple piece of mail.  A simple, "Yo Madd, what's up?{send}" All I asked... a simple request.  You know, I have been in the Madd please send me mail, and when I was, I assure you, JOHD, if I was not writing to one person, I was not writing to any.  I was not posting in any forums.  If I was doing anything, it was chatting.  What makes chatting so easy?  I just sit here, and they come to me.  The lazy ass that I am.  I am lazy, I am, but I know where my priorities are.  There was a time I was getting email taken care of.  I was starting on the ones I still had not replied to from 2001.  I went UP THE LIST.  I went in terms of senority.  The oldest ones got replies.  I went from there.  I got a bit sent out.  I do not remember when this was, but I could easily find out.  I think the problem with being around humans as long as I have is that I start to be more human than the humans I encounter.  I start to give excuses for my actions.  I start to pass blame to others.  I start to allow my anger to build up.  I AM MY OWN PROBLEM!!  I am the greatest of my problems.  I am the reason that things are not getting done.  I am the reason that some of my friendships are failing.  I am the reason I am in the job I am today.  I am the reason for any crap that is in my life because only I have the ability to change who I am.  I am the crap that I have always attempted to fight against.  I am the darkest nightmare I could ever have.  I currently am the downfall of humankind.

The Repeating Road

     It can all be changed, old friend.  Snap of the fingers.  I feel I go down this road every time.  I get up the strength to get off the floor, swing my sword around, I take out some imaginary baddies, and that means that I get things done.  I stop procrastinating.  Then I start to slip here and there... the next thing you know, those ugly nasties are stabbing and poking and clawing into my brain again.  I can feel it happen.  I know I can do something about it, and EVEN know they are not real.  Yet I lay there and take it... because fighting something that was created by my own mind is more painful than taking ip up the ass.

A Warrior's Determination

     Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!  NOOOO!!  I will beat you bastards!!  I will drop kick you to the next fucking planet.  I will kick you so hard that you will stop being imaginary and stop existing.  I'll fucking take on the whole lot of you.  While you have dropped me to the ground many numourous times... I always eventually get up!!  I get the fuck up on my feet!  I'll crush you to fucking non-existance.  Soon I won't even see you bastards anymore.  I will fight off your existance, and the Master of Maddness shall win.  I shall win as I was always destined to win.  JOHD will be my companion.  JOHD, the friend who will never let me down.  JOHD, the only friend who never let me down.  Even Floyd has shown greed.  They have shown a dark side.  The dark side of money.  Of course, that is changing.  It changes in a way that THEE FLOYD will tour, one more time.  I know it, I saw proof.

The Immortal Friend of Light

     So their the warrior is, continously being charged by these little monsters.  Suddenly, a friendly face appears next to the warrior.  It is the face of someone who has always been around.  However the warrior just never realizes to call on her aid.  Some of the deamons jump and attack her.  Those that touch her evaperate into non-existance.  They don't effect her at all.  The face is familiar, but only because this friend also is a product of the warrior's mind.  The friendly just walks about, touching creatures left and right.  They have ignored her, but she has not ignored them.  They continue to attack the warrior.  The warrior is in better spirits.  This friend appears to show up at the strangest of times.  This friend ONLY appears when mentally called by the warrior.  If only the warrior were able to see that.

Make it So...

     Okay... one thing I know is that a shower is in dire request.  It should be put first in queue.  After the shower, I have a few emails I wish to send out.  That shall be next in queue.  Dexter.  Must use his powers... must remember always to use his powers.  Remember always.  Dexter is next in queue.  I let things flow from there.  By then, my ride will be here and it will be time for work.  No!!  I am NOT going to just sit here.  I am going to MOTATE.  I shall go mobile.  Madd, to the shower, and step on it.  Master of Maddness, signing off 0202p......
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
Current Music: "Fight Music" - Final Fantasy VIII (orchestrated) [repeated]

[[6 comments | Train your Brain]]

Comments:


From:(Anonymous)
Date:Apr 18th, 2002 14:42 (UTC)

Not so anonymous

(Link)
Someone who hates themselves more than their father. Someone who has caused more pain than their father. Someone for whom no excuses exist yet uses them to make themselves feel better... someone who should die painfully just feeling a fraction of the pain they have cause others, even better, living forever feeling this pain. Here I am refering to myself, so no fear.
[User Picture]
From:madd74
Date:Apr 18th, 2002 22:29 (UTC)

Re: Not so anonymous

(Link)
what in the world are you talking about? who are you?
From:(Anonymous)
Date:Apr 19th, 2002 00:52 (UTC)

Re: Not so anonymous

(Link)
*sigh* don't be so silly... did I not make it obvious enough? *sticks tongue out* I'm sure you had guessed but just needed confirmation lol
[User Picture]
From:madd74
Date:Apr 19th, 2002 11:58 (UTC)

Re: Not so anonymous

(Link)
No, you had not... because I was not sure exactly what the message was saying. I am not one to assume things...
From:(Anonymous)
Date:Apr 20th, 2002 09:03 (UTC)

Re: Not so anonymous

(Link)
Yes I know, I was trying to express how I feel about myself for what I have done... Not very successfully I think.
[User Picture]
From:madd74
Date:Apr 20th, 2002 12:17 (UTC)

Re: Not so anonymous

(Link)
Don't be so hard on yourself.

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