Madd Martin L Kroeger (madd74) wrote,
Madd Martin L Kroeger

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Shine On...

"Remember when you were young..."

     I do.  I had been thinking about it a lot lately.  I came up with ideas for my story, so, I think I shall start working on that some time this weekend, before I return home.  There is just so much on my mind.  So much thinking.  So much learning of myself, and what role I have in life.  This song... it has been so long since I have heard it.  I mean, it fills my mind with the oddest of feelings.  They are so peaceful.  This song comes from the only Floyd that I have ever put on CD, for I feel everyone should buy their own copies.  Support my guys, you know.  Father, many moons ago, wanted a best of Pink Floyd CD.  Since there technically was no such thing, I felt obligated to make one.  I thought of the best of Floyd that would fill 74 minutes, and created it.  When we were on the way to fix his friend's computer yesterday, he had this CD on.  The music tastes of Father are a great mysterory to me.  Even listening to his crazy music selections as he flips through channels. Stations he listens to, that include "pop" music of now, and bands such as Creed.  I remember when I was still living with him, how from no where, "Three Little Pigs" by Green Jelly came blairing from the CD audio player.  This is my father, right?  Just checking, haha.

     The boat ride went rather wonderous.  I got to stair straight into nature, in ways that I just have not in a long time.  The burn I acquired from golfing was showing more, but it was not getting me down.  I put on protection this time.  I looked at the sky.  It was wonderful, as if God was painting a picture for those only with the perception to notice it as such.  The way the colour blended in with the clouds as the sun started to set, it was just in ways that English words are not able to describe.  We had two passangers with us.  I will call them "Bob" and "Jack".  Father, Bob, and Jack, kept talking about women like they were going out of style.  While it was ammusing, something did come of it.  For a long time, I realize how being around certain groups of people taint my very blood, in ways that spin me out of control.  We went to a bar-eating place made specifically for boaters to park and come to shore to endulge in food and drink.  I kept an eye on our bartender.  At the time, the alcohol had not impacted me, so I was still thinking with a rather clear mentality.  I kept thinking how rather attractive she was (especially for someone from Illinios, haha).  I also had a few more drinks.  After some time, we went back to the boat, and just started going in the back passages of the mighty Mississippi river.  I kept thinking to myself how the Mississippi was the greatest and more powerful river in the world in the USA.  Then I kept thinking what an odd thought, something being the more powerful in the world in the USA.  Haha... my brain had slipped into some euphoric dream world.  I kept thinking of all the things on my mind.  My existance.  That girl at the bar.  Thinking how I had gone from my fridged self to something a little more... human.  So, drinking more beers, riding in the back areas of the Mississippi.  Then, Jack, who is younger than Bob, offered me a joint that Bob had rolled.  I explained that I do not do that.  Haha, he asked if I had to worry about a piss test.  No, it was not that, nothing even close.  Father did not take as I would have expected.  You know, there is nothing quite as amusing as watching stoned people on a boat, playing with spot lights.  After the little journey, and we came to land, I called Myles.  I missed Myles.  I wanted to talk to him, and we did talk, for like 54 minutes.  It was fun, and he informed me that the Final Fantasy movie which we are going to watch is still playing on the 11th.  That is a Wednesday, I know, for I took Friday off.  That is my holiday, and I look forward to it, as always.  So, after that, we started to hit the bars.  It was the three of us, and those who were already there.  I lost pool.  I felt bad, like my skill was all gone.  One of the bars we went to, there was this bartender Father knew, and I swear, she was the most attractive woman I have ever seen in Davenport, and quiet a few other places.  It was weird, thinking how I lost my fridged ways.  At this time, I had quiet a bit to drink.  Records indicate that all I consumed was close to a record, with mixing liquor.  Haha, if only I had some Floyd at the time.  Oh yeah, all the box I checked of the four bars we went to had Floyd.  The last one, at least I think it was the last one, had Momentary Lapse of Reason and Collection of Great Dance Songs. That about blew my mind.  I knew that at each one, that there would not be enough time to actually hear them, but that was okay, seeing them was good enough for me at the time.  So, finally, after all the fun, we went back to Father's place.  By the time I made it to the couch, I was beyond tired.  Alcohol, more than anything, makes me sleepy.  This was no exception, and I did end up passing out.  All was well, however, and I woke up hungry, but fine.

     So, starts another day in my life, and the lust for life continues.  I think I had plans, however, I do know those... oh my... I know this song.  Aye... six minutes and twenty four seconds of pure pleasure.  My brain...  my skin, so tingly... whoa, I looked up and my internet connection was gone, haha.  I rememeber when I first got The Wall on VHS.  This, of course, was back before there was this thing called DVD.  I was back in Camanche (part of Clinton area).  It was Christmas, and Mother had gotten it to me as a gift.  I was so estatically happy.  It was beyond happieness.  So many memories right now floating in my mind, and attempting to write them all down is near impossible.  I just realized that if I had the mentality through all songs as I did Numb, that, I would have crashed my car by now.  I also have a greater realization of what to do here in life.  It is almost like I know the reason I was brought into this world, against my will.  So now I start my journey.  It will provide to be fun.  More so than an infomercial marathon.

     Before I left, dITZ brought up an important mention of a previous entry I made which exclaimed the important things in life.  I did not mention God.  It is odd, that someone as myself would forget to make such a mention, especially with my relationship with God, and I had given some thought to what caused me to mention only the three things I did.  I guess I see it as God is the basis for everything.  I have for a long while, even though not as much as I have known of God.  Way back, many moons ago, I did believe in God.  However, I cursed Him for all the wrong doings in my life.  You could hear me many times, the young little 7 year old rugrat, screaming at the top of my lungs how stupid I felt God was.  How all the hate and pain in my life could have been erased by Him, but he allowed it to happen.  How stupid and closed-minded I was back then.  Of course, it took me almost all my life to break through the chain of being close minded, but, it did not take me that long to realize the importance of God in my life, and what He stood for.  While many times I wish to reclaim the younth of my life, when I was younger than 22, I realize how closed my mind was, even though I thought it was more open than it was.

     Father sleeps.  Er, nap, I should say.  I am having a conversaion with Maur.  I enjoy chatting with Maur.  Seems like someone misinformed Maur of information, however, that is expected of humans.  Always attempting to save their EGO from the world around them, and especially, them selves.  I was thinking a lot of that of late also, how people hurt so many others, because they are secertly attempting to maintain the happiness for the self.  Things they do not even realize, and I know I myself have done such things.  Even to this day.  Another thing that while I have realized it in the past, I am going to do something about it in the future.  I have progressed a long way.  While I have a lot to learn, at the same time, I have learned a lot as well.  The important part, is that I keep my mind open, and not let it get tainted, as I have other parts of my existance (thinking back to the bartenders I ran across).  For the possibility is always out there.  Oh oh! Heated debate with Maur, haha.  That is a rarity.  He is showing me something that I have noticed many times before.  He tells me to calm down, as if I was yelling at him.  Yet, I am extremely calm.  I find this all very interesting, even learning a little bit more about people and how they react towards me, especially in debate.  I guess the biggest problem is that he cannot see me.  Cannot hear my voice.  I am nothing more than beyond curious.  Plus, it has been a while since we have talked more than just trivial "hi how is it going." That is good, however, for it keeps us from going into "drive by chatting." This is the thing that has me going through my million some ICQ list, and a few people in my AIM and Yahoo.  ICQ was the first chatting program I used, and I would add every and anyone to my list.  These are people who would talk to me for a few months (most likely shorter, a rare few times longer), who would up and just not converse with me anymore.  They were still on my list.  It was easy to see what happened.  There are a few things that can be the reason behind it.  The person up and got a life, spends less time on the computer. While this is something true, when the person does come on and does not say much (unless they want something, or are bored), it moves to the next levels.  The person just got bored.  Nothing new for their mind to know.  They drained from me whatever they could, and they moved on.  At some point, I was this way to on-line people, thus, the reason I can understand of its existance.  Another, is that the person up and dislikes you, for whatever reason.  Reminds me of the person who stopped talking to me just because she found out I worked for Qwest, and she hated the phone company, for whatever reason, and sent me a nasty message, to which I replied, and deleted her from my list.  It is simplemindedness like that in life that keeps me on my feet, and slightly defensive, especially when chatting to people I cannot see.  Take the phone company.  They love to shoot the messanger down.  I tell them they are not going to have phone service since some construction crew may have cut up an entire block.  Not Qwest fault.  Not only do they associate, "crappy service of Qwest because THIS IS THE YEAR 2001!!", the shoot me down for it.  By the way, the year 2001??  Do these people see flying cares and teleporters that I do not?  Are they that drugged up?  Last time I checked, when a copper pair (what gives you service) gets cut, we still have to go out and fix it, not snap our fingers and teleport to where ever the problem is.  So, they yell and scream at me.  What for?  To feel better about themselves, of course.  To let out the frustration (the favorite word of all phone customers with problems) and get it out of their system.  It is the same EGO defense mech that would have a person have a bad day at work, so they go home and beat the spouce and children.  Of course, they are not the messanger of anything.  It even kills me when the conversation starts with them USING the phrase similar to, "Now, I know it is not personally your fault, and I do not want to SHOOT DOWN THE MESSANGER, but...". I think these people help show their own stupidity more than anyone.  For, they are admitting that they consiously are aware of the situation at hand, but they choose to excuse their problems to being able to "beat the spouse and children".

     Yeah, lots to write, lots to write.  Remember Madd, the more you write, the more people that drop off and never make it to the end.  That is the key to a lot of people.  Like, in speech class, you should have three main points.  If you have only two, then it is too little information, and if you have more than three, then people stop remembering a lot of the information you present.  Mwahaha!!  Sweet!  Maur just proved my point and did not realize it.  Actually, it appears that Maur thinks I do not talk much.  Thinks I give on-line comments.  Not true.  However, he is starting to understand me better, I think.  I would love to met Maur some time, if anything, besides to have a really good chat with him, to show him a Tetris master!!

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