Wow, talk about getting sidetracked. I spent a lot of extra time coming up with my ending YouTube link, by visiting the honest trailers that I enjoy so much. Guilty pleasure? No, just pleasure. I have already seen all of them. Speaking of spending time on stuff, TIL about the word schadenfreude; the pleasure derived from the misfortune of others. The opposite of this in the Buddhist world is mudita. It is something I noticed a lot when I used to take calls, something I actually miss from time to time. "Rawr!! Anger anger customer smash! ... oh... there is an outage? Other people are also out? Sweet." Yeah, true, this is more on emotional contagion, however, the actual example I would want to use is a little too much for "public opinion." Hey, JOHD, I learn, even if it sucks I have to.
So, last night, after completing my binging of season 4 of Elementary (and a very exciting one I might add), Tango & Cash was on. I am not sure if it was due to my caffeine over-rush, but I did not have an urge to pass out. Despite this movie being very old (1989), and pretty over-the-top, it still holds up to this day for me, even with all the continuity issues. I even caught a few goofs that were not mentioned in the IMDB, such as the obvious stunt double for Captain Schroeder when crashes through the screen door, or the double leg kick by one of the thugs getting shot in the third act. Even some of the acting is pretty paltry, yet I think I will always watch this movie, no matter how FUBAR I will end up due to lack of sleep.
So, before that, and before Elementary, but after the bar, there was a fight. I am just going to classify them, for future reference, as argument. Arguments I have with Krab are far and few between compared to my ex. Then again, before my ex I rarely had fights (minus the Evil One™, of course). However, some of the tactics of the past with Krab have been downright horrible on my part. I believe a part of this stems from being bullied as a child, treatment from the Evil One, and of course, treatment from my ex. However, mainly from childhood. I have a lot of images and snaps in my mind about being picked on, a lot. You cannot be Madd and not go through a childhood without being picked on. I was super skinny, and absolutely had no way to defend myself from physical attacks. In all honesty, this in itself is a good thing because I feel it is what lead me to be the personality I am today, not very serious and getting through life with plenty of humor. The side effect, however, is the built up hostility I feel when I am being attacked by someone emotionally, mentally, or physically.
So, enough origin story, and onto the actual issue, which again is exacerbated thanks to technology. So I decided to stop at the bar for a drink, and by drink, I mean just that. Drinking is seriously not a tag? Deer fucking word. It appears that Fecesbook likes to tell people when I am out and about, even though Krab would appear to be the only one getting actual notifications (or, others do and they just don't care). So, I get a call, and a text, of which the calls I ignore because I cannot hear, and I wanted to get home so I could get into the Valentine's Day festivities of present giving (what I ordered, for free [a.k.a. lots of hard earned rewards points]). Well, I get home all nice and chipper, just to run into what appears to be a wandering Krab, coming back from her car. Using my new found detective skills I acquired by being bitten by a radioactive detective, I figured she had gone out to "look for me." Something about a car not starting due to the shitty problems I have been having with the car battery requiring being jumped. I mentioned my car is pretty much fucked up in some way shape or form, right? Well, I come home to a few veggies that are practically burnt, because,
So come to this morning, on three hours of sleep, plenty of mental processing time on my hands, I think of that time before child, where I used to have this philosophy in life, about feelings, and processing information of all sorts. You know, that "happy time". I wonder when that went away? I think parts of it did prior to me even having a kid. I don't remember. I hate memory. I like apples.
* retraction: I have been reminded the reason why I don't cook; the veggies were supposed to be burnt, thus that's my error
Here it is, your moment of stare...