Madd Martin L Kroeger (madd74) wrote,
Madd Martin L Kroeger

It Already Happened

I think it interesting how much I went into my Life Force fetish to run across the fact the very second entry I made was about it. It also made me remember another game I enjoyed, but not as much, even though that game was also a female dog to play. It is also nice to see my TNG fascination has been going on for many moons.

I am extremely unmotivated to do anything. Even getting myself to play FFXI can be a rather big deal in life. That is saying a lot. I am not sure if I care much for life, as in, it could be over at any time and I would not panic on the thought. Well, there is always some form of panic, but not really as much as a human with self preservation would otherwise have. I am pretty sure I don't have to be put on a suicide watch, so anyone concerned can stand down. Reading old entries, it makes me really happy that at some point in my life I did that. I use to keep awesome records of my life, and I find it fascinating to travel back to those periods. It is similar to my collection of pictures, chats, and everything else that I "pack rat". With memories being one of the base necessities of my own existence. Is it still considered "bad" to hoard memories? Maybe the time I was documenting every time I had a bowel movement was a bit excessive, however, I think I understand the point my mind was attempting to make to itself. Then again, I find my mind does an excellent job of defeating me. Hmm... being attacked by a brain... does this remind you of anything? How interesting I hear "Poison of Snake" right as I start talking about it. This shit isn't scripted, folks.

There are only two things I have truly gotten rid of that I otherwise would have kept. I delete almost all photos that have any sort of blur, since my OCD does not tolerate that shit at all, not even of my own child. Another, well, is still debated and my overwhelming sense of procrastination makes me want to put off even talking about it. I can do it tomorrow. Even though it will be some time after that... like, when I am dead or something.

I want to reboot my brain...
Tags: ffxi, hoarding, jarin, johd, life force, memories, ocd, this tag left intentionally here, tng, unmotivated, video game

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