Nov 9th, 2011
|22:29 - Dirty Nablu|
Yay! Another post that auto saved from Monday night that almost makes no sense to post now since the weekend is half gone over. Oh well, for your viewing pleasures...
So my weekend was good. I had Jarin for an extra day, however I think I sabotaged that by laying the law down, something I play on doing more and more with him. He was a bit more moody for most of the weekend. As I had setup entrapment for him (asking him if he was good or not for others when I knew the answer), he lied to me, as I figured he might, so it was no games, and since he was tired, it turned into a lack of letting him do many things the next day also. I realize some people do not condone this sort of behavior, however, it is a large aspect of who I am and I do it with more than my kid. I will do it to anyone. The reason I do it to others is different than with Jarin.
With Jarin, I ask questions I know answers to because I realize he is going to attempt to “sneak attack” himself out of situations he gets into. I am attempting to teach him responsibility for his actions. This goes with honesty as well. I even explained to him that he was already “disciplined” and was not going to get into trouble for answering me honestly. I feel pressing him for honesty has at least worked out, as there are times he has given me honest answers to questions that I was not even entrapping him with. He would simply tell me something he did wrong. It brings me hope that he may grow up with a better sense of honesty than even myself. After all, it took me 13 years before the concept even came around to me, where I lied to my father about something, he knew it, and had a chat about honesty with me. Now some might think that he “forgets” things, however, he has shown me that if he is forgetting something he is selecting to do that. Confronting him a few times, I have seen a “I do not remember” or “nothing happened” convert into a “I did this, and this and this” or what have you. As noted, the kid is certainly smart for his age.
As for other humans, well, I have a trust issue. All I have to do is see someone lie to someone else and my trust in them goes down. It boils into the “if you can lie to one person about one thing then you can lie about anything to anyone.” This later gets filtered out by things such as people being honest to me about something that they otherwise may seem to not want to be honest about, or, by the fact I ask them a question I know the answer to, and get the answer I already knew. Testing people’s honesty is considered… low, by many. I am at a stage in my life where if I had done a better job of checking up on people’s honesty, my life would not be as difficult as it is, and I also would not get so anxious wondering, “Does so-and-so really mean that?” “Am I going to get screwed trusting this person with this information/money/emotion?” If I was not so hard up with honesty as I am, it would not be such an issue possibly. However, I am, and I cringe still when people say just the smallest lies to other people. There are times where I truly just wish I did not give one pipe tail about honesty. However, somewhere down the road of life, I programmed it so well into my working essence that I do not seem to be able to un-program it. I get asked questions I would rather not, and give the answers I know are going to do nothing but cause trouble.
Speaking of Jarin, I had a nice chat with my beautiful and sexy girlfriend about Jarin, and the handling of him. I know it is a difficult concept for some people, for it certainly has been for me. Knowing how to take care of another person’s child is certainly no easy task for anyone. In fact, I remember the first time I saw someone other than parents deal with a rowdy Jarin. It was dITZ. She up and laid down the law with him, and I remember at first thought not being sure just how much I liked someone telling my child what to do like that. Then I realized how absolutely awesome it was. As my ability to remember back that far is limited, I know the situations dealt something on the lines of Jarin wanting to do something, and she would say no, firmly. Then he would start to act up, and she would not put up with it. That is the basic foundation of discipline. Child wants to do something, you say no, child acts up, you put your foot down. Some parents do this improperly, by doing discipline with frustration, meaning, they are not laying down the law, they are simply frustrated and take it out on the child. Of course, I already talked about that… when… ever… I did, I cannot remember when I talked about that. Nina is afraid of disciplining Jarin. That makes sense. I had to explain if she does not when dad is not around, that he is just going to use his smarts to totally walk all over her. If there is one thing I have seen in my child, is that he will absolutely, and positively, push his limits to everyone who “watches” him to see what he can get away with. The more he can push, the more he will keep pushing. Also, as would be expected with anyone, if someone gives him an idle threat and does not follow through, he takes that as something he can do in the future. You can *say* that you are going tell daddy about his actions, however if daddy never hears about it and does not address it, then score one point for "Dexter boy genius". Even with my talk with her about handling Jarin, I realized that I really have to step up my game more. I have found a few times where I "threaten" something, and end up not following through.
My weekend was otherwise well. I had a minor spat with Nina over a subject that really is touchy with me. Of course, the reverse is so with her. It dealt with the men of the world cheating on women. That is another story topic for another entry. Well, the topic, not the incident. The incident actually shows just how well we are together. In fact when she mentioned something about our compatibility or something like that, I stated noted that I personally knew of only one couple that was more... not compatible, geese that is totally not the word I was looking for. Um... it is the word that deals with the ability of two people to cohabitate together in an intimate relationship without fighting or arguing. That's the word. Candie and her man-meat is the only couple I know that tops the ability between Nina and myself. Of course, in terms of my own personal relationships, I cannot think of any serious relationship I have had with someone where the "that's the word" is more so than with Nina. I really do have a keeper :) Oh yeah, that reminds me... oh... wait, that's right, my mom reads this, she does not want to read about that. Hi mom!
I ended up taking Jarin back a little sooner than usual. I had a semi busy Sunday to otherwise deal with for the day. Him eating a small bowl of pasta for about an hour did not help. I pulled out the discipline. I sent him up to the guestroom to timeout for a few since he wanted to just drag it out. After dropping him, I worked really hard to get some gaming done with Stingray. Yay! I was on time and everything! Pro Wrestling and Contra on NES, talk about some good memories. I hope the memory in how we played NES games stays in my head also. NesTen, I believe, and make sure the P2P is no running on the other computer, and one can be good to go.
Current Location: 925 High St, IA 50309
Current Mood: displaced
Current Music: "Deceiver", Disturbed, "Indestructible"
- Thank you for trusting me with Jarin. :)
- As one that has been on the receiving end of your "honesty entrapment" WAAAAAAAAAAY back in the day, I would like to tell you that I don't think there is anything "low" about it. Actually I think it's quite honorable to allow someone to come clean when you already know the answer and the issue needs to be addressed. At the time I failed miserably because my concept of honesty was skewed and I would have done just about anything to protect myself. It caused some major trouble in our friendship, and rightfully so because it deals directly with trust and I didn't deserve it at the time. Your demand for honesty in our friendship made me strive to be a better person and makes me a better wife and friend today. It also has helped me to understand how important 100% honesty is to God and what that really means. So, I guess in a nutshell... Bully!! Jolly good show, old chap! Keep up the good work! :) And thank you for being my friend. :) Traveling down the road and back again. hehehe :)
- I also think that Nina is a keeper and that you and she fit really well. I love seeing you two together and how she makes you truly smile. It's wonderful and both of you deserve it. Just keep up with the totally open communication and you guys are golden. :)
Yo did good with the gaming, I was much impressed! :-) I canNOT get that wrestling battle theme song out of my head now, lol...
|Date:||Mar 23rd, 2012 22:11 (UTC)|| |
yeah, that happens to me a lot, I love that song... no clue why...