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Well, shit. Hi JOHD. Yeah, another epic fail by yours truly.… - JOHD

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Oct 29th, 2011

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Well, shit. Hi JOHD. Yeah, another epic fail by yours truly. Hmm... so much information it is not funny. This reminds me of the days where I would go back to see what happened at a specific part of my life, and an entire year plus would be missing. There are some things in this world that just do not change. Maybe a quick recap?

Um, things with my ex, well, not good, I did my part to fix, at least. Okay, maybe it is not ad not good as it was. In fact, it is not, however, I think I wrote that last statement like a month ago or something like that. I found me a new game to play on Facebook, Social Sims. I was not a fan of FB games. In fact, I blocked about every single one of them and all requests. It breaks a lot, most likely because I am playing it, and that is what happens when I like something... it tends to break. However, it has been a little better to me of late. It has been better than FFXI has been. Fucking S.E. and their stupid billing system. clicktobuy is the biggest joke of anything I can think of in the world of payment. Well, maybe my bank and mortgage company are worse. I have money that is flying in limbo that I could really use that I do not get because if I attempt to stop it, I am the one who gets fucked even though *I* did nothing wrong and sent my payment as requested. Nationwide can fuck my side. ING is not much better. My engagement with Nicole is over. There really is a lot to that story, including some mud throwing my way while I have attempted (not 100% mind you) to be totally civil in return. However, I really do not want to get into it. It is one of those things where psychological projection has me just see things as they are, and want to move on with my life. I think that is a nice way to leave something? At least for now, while I am at work and sober. Get some drinks in me and maybe I will feel a bit different, hehehe. I have a new girlfriend, Nina. In a two week span thanks to her Italian cooking, I have enough garlic in me to not only know I am not a vampire as originally thought, but if I saw Twilight I am more than certain that Edward would burst into flames due to close proximity to me. I enjoy Pandora. I am not work from home this last round, even though the next one looks promising. Even though I drive a hybrid vehicle, I ended up paying at the pump over three times. While I have been saving money by having my girlfriend take me to work, thus not paying parking, it obviously works itself out with her driving about. That is, not a complaint, it is an observation. Working from home should also help with gas. For the first month in the history of me getting money straight, I have more collected debt than I have income. Obviously, this does not include car or house. I had a few Reality checks with friends, knowing who really is and who really requires a check. Only one of these truly passed. Way to go dITZ. I actually played FFXI today. Yesterday at 22:38 was my anniversary with my girlfriend, who I love to pieces. Not a year, mind you. I played FFXIV a few days ago for the first time since... um... forever? It turns out the free period is over come a couple of months. Jacy Lane dropped a message a few ago. That was strange. My attempt to get vengeance on Verizon has failed. They also attempted to dry hump my mouth with a mastiff a while ago when I got my pad (Picard). I have a new cell phone (Borg). I see my kid every other weekend, and only one actual day between two part days. No one understands the mental stress that I go through with that happening. I feel that the sense of procrastination has gone well beyond overtaking me. It took me... how many months to catch up to this entry? I have yet to return the letter I already wrote (and now is relocated) to Jessica, and I just now got my address to my former fiancé so I can get my ring back. Oh, my house is the cleanest I have ever remembered it. I like it and at the same time I cringe a little about it (see also a few things I am not sure where they are).

I feel a little less emotional than usual. I think that is coupled with Jarin being away so often. I am not sure. I use to think I knew so much, however, here I am, not engaged, so obviously I am not as smart and knowing as I think I am. Oh yeah, my heater is dead. While I thank goodness for a space heater, I can honestly say that it is going to get a bit worse if I do not hurry and fix it (see also procrastination). I think the biggest challenge with having a girlfriend who I have not known very long, is that there are some given aspects of my life that seem to not click. I know a few people, for example, that are spot on with knowing my sarcastic side. Of course, now that I think of it, that was a big problem with the last person I was with, and I knew her over 10 years. Knowing sarcasm is not the only thing, however. Floyd appreciation, that one is a good example.

I am glad today is a slow day, and that I am in a tier 1 function. I miss writing and for the life of me are unsure the reason I do not write more. See yet also once again, procrastination. I have bouts of cleaning break through thanks to my girlfriend. She helps motivate me more than usual. Unfortunately, whatever is wrong with me will generally find a way to win and knock me down again. See also... ah... something. I like the new Beavis and Butthead. They did a great job of not attempting to make something new. They just took what made it a fun show to watch and that was it. Even the music is the same. My applaud to them. Oh, MTV finally is going to get music videos. I think they get more per day through one episode of B&B than anything else they put on there. Unfortunately, this means that my DVR now targets that channel. I got a new show I enjoy watching, it is Alphas. You can think of the show as "X-Men on prime time". I am waiting for the Alpha with Adamantium claws. Oh yeah, also I guess this would be "new" to you, per saw, I also am into a show called The Walking Dead. Now that I think about it, I am not sure if you know of Dexter either. That you might know. Okay, according to my auto tag, Dexter is tagged somewhere. Last time I weighed in, I was at 197 lbs, so I am again close to the 200 lbs if not over.

I am thinking, that is what the black smoke is. I believe I am caught up to everything I could think of that encompasses catching up. I want a bike. I cannot afford one right now, however, I would like one. My girlfriend wants to extend my life for as long as possible. I think that is the first time a woman has wanted me around that bad that she would plan to keep me alive longer than usual. I certainly know who not to entrust with the living will, hehehe. That machine would never get unplugged. I got my girlfriend Sims 3. I find that the game is rather addicting, so much so, that I made my mom and dad, and had them marry so they could make my Sim for me, thus breaking them up to do whatever, and allowing me to grow. dITZ jinxed me by noting "what if it was a girl" and sure as shit, that is what happened. So I will hope that the non saving of game has a random seed generator and is not instilled from game conception. There is something about seeing my mom with a different last name and "living" with my dad that just creeps me out.

My website has had little love from me. In fact, a few ago it was taken down due to a phishing script that was put in via an old guestbook code that I had used. Also, I currently do not have access to my admin panel due to a scripting problem that I just up and have not gotten to yet. I feel like the Ma and Pa store that Wal-Mart decided to build next to. I use to have an active site :\ I think it actually makes me sad, and thus, I decide to not be more motivated than usual so nothing gets done on my site. Someone explain to me the reason I spend all this money on a site that I could, as of now, have done all over everywhere else at no cost? Oh yeah... mental issues. Speaking of which, I do not play video games every day anymore. Wow, the end of the world really is coming.

So there was this book I wanted to write. Crap, being moved to T2. Narrrrrg!

Every now and then, I freak out. I think I have missed talking to Jarin even though I did talk to him earlier. I upgraded my netbook to 2GB of RAM, and The Sims Social still punishes the load out of it. Oh yeah, work trouble, which of course, I am not suppose to talk about, right? Score one for insanity.

So yeah, I had this extremely bizarre dream. I think it would make a great book or movie. I find that the originality of this 5+ minute dream is more original than anything Hollywood has come out with this entire year. How sad a society we are. The basis of the dream was this form of, hmm, hitman-like, I believe. There was something about a special symbol, and the inability for these "assassins" to attack (or kill) people who properly held the sign. My major problem is my ability to write in book format has been lost for like 68 some years. I guess I should read a book or two to get back in the swing of things.

Well, I feel well. I feel well that I finally wrote something. I am not even going to attempt a "I am back" as I know how those go. I keep thinking that in FFXI and I fail miserably, not being around for 2+ weeks at a time. I do think I could use a few new user picts.
Current Location: 925 High St, IA 50309
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: The Wind forest From "My Neighbor Totoro", Mari Fujiwara

[[6 comments | Train your Brain]]


[User Picture]
Date:Oct 30th, 2011 05:57 (UTC)
I love you, Maddness!!! :)
[User Picture]
Date:Oct 30th, 2011 05:59 (UTC)
It's never too late to have Jarin move to Des Moines with you. Please, please, please, both of you need this.
[User Picture]
Date:Oct 30th, 2011 20:47 (UTC)
Strange, eh?
[User Picture]
Date:Oct 31st, 2011 03:38 (UTC)
well, strange as to the correlation with last conversation I had with you
[User Picture]
Date:Oct 31st, 2011 03:37 (UTC)
strange... this had a title when started...
[User Picture]
Date:Oct 31st, 2011 13:04 (UTC)

And the honorable non-mention goes to Stingray...

First off, glad things are going well with your new woman, her motivating you to clean your house and put homemade cookin' in your belly are both very good news!

I want to explain about this gaming thing, because I want you to explain what it really means to me. First off, I ain't mad at ya, just frustrated. Let me explain why. First first off, let me apologize, because I know no matter how I try to explain this, I'm going to come off like sounding like a bitchy girlfriend that just wants some of your time.

So, anyway, you and I have been friends for a long time, because we have a lot of stuff in common, including our deep-seeded love for video games. When we visit each other, much gaming and music commences and 'tis great times. Well, thanks to things like distance, gas money, the economy, and general hectic schedules, these visits are not as common. So, the idea once came to me when you mentioned that you take a small block of time out of each day to play Final Fantasy. With the advent of new technology, we are now able to game and talk with each other and recreate these experience of these visits. It's not just about the gaming, it's my bonding time with Madd. Even my girlfriend (bless her loving heart!) completely understands this, where many humans don't or didn't. So, I figured if you can set aside time once a day for FF, then maybe we could set aside a small amount of time once a week to do some gaming.

Now, I totally understand that you have a son, an ex who you are fighting with for custody and sanity, a house, and several other responsibilities that I cannot fathom dealing with right now. And I totally respect that and understand all of that, and I get that not every week you are going to be available, and that you've got more important things to do.

What's frustrating is when we set a date and a time frame to game, I set aside that time for you, and I set aside that time and purposely make no other plans within that time frame. Then, the time frame comes around, I text you, and hear nothing back, no response whatsoever till either the next day, or till way later when I have already gone to bed. I get a "sorry", and then maybe a small explanation. And I totally understand that shit happens and plans go awry. I totally understand that maybe you passed out, had to take Jarin somewhere, or stayed out later than anticipated. What's frustrating is that, I always feel like I'm the one texting "gaming tonight?" trying to initiate this thing, which makes me feel like it's something you'd rather not do, since I don't get much input on your end.

If it's really something you don't want/aren't able to do, I'm okay with that, but I'd really rather you just be honest and upfront about it. And I know you have your phone with you all of the time, so it's frustrating when I don't get any text response from you.

*end bitchy-girlfriend-like rant*

All that being said, you know I'm here for you. heyyyyyyyyyyynowwwwwwwwwwwwwyeeeeeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

Find my mom!

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