Well I came into a save draft from an unknown time. I have had a few of these. I start to write, then I seem to stop. It appears the only time I truly get into writing anything these days is when I am extremely pissed off about something, of which there is only really one thing in this world I really get that pissed off at anymore. I otherwise have seem to lost the will to write. I guess that is better than losing the will to live, even though that gets questioned from time to time.
So let's see what has happened since a last post. Hmm... oh yeah, I am getting married to my wife Nicole. I say wife, and that confuses a lot of people, it is understandable, however at the same time it really is not. I mean, come now, since when would I do anything massively major and not document it for the world to see? Also, my status clearly shows that I am not married (yet). I really think that should be the key, however, eh... I think some things about me would be as given as... you breath in, air fills your lungs (unless your under water, then water does). Oh well. It is a dedication. Similar to FFXI, my dedication comes in the form of a ring; my dedication is extremely sought after. Unlike FFXI, it does not wear off, no matter how much EXP I get, or how much time has passed. Also, it matters not if I reapply it, my dedication is not overridden. (see also http://wiki.ffxiclopedia.org/wiki/Dedication).
Wow, off track, imagine that. So where does it come from? It comes from the fact that I am dedicated to my wonderful lady. I explained it to my father. I told him how I seemed to have finally found a person who loves me for me, not for some comfort food that they were fed since a little girl that they simply had to be with someone. Nicole fits that. She makes mistakes, and we have relationship troubles at times due to that (just as, sometimes I make mistakes and we have relationship troubles at times due to that). Madd does not get stuck with the blame as simply being the problem. An apology goes a long way, and multiple people in my past would be amazed at what they could have seen in a relationship with me, had they given that a shot. If I was ignorant, then it would not have mattered. I would have went on my way. Unfortunately, I have been equipped with psychology, and it has a few nasty side effects. Speaking of which, Nicole does not attempt to control or dictate my life. She takes it as is. There is no get to know me, and thinking various things about me are going to be changed down the road. In the same instance, I know the "worst" of her, and what she does or does not want to do about it, and with all that, I am happy, and content with it, and certain enough that only God will stop this marriage. I mean, who knows when a meteor is going to drop from the sky and strike me dead.
Nothing posted in the non-positive light is an attack on any single person. Humans are humans. If you take a psychology class, you learn (what I already knew) in terms of people. If you reflect on your own intrapersonal experiences with people you liked more than a friend from the first point you met them, to long after you were "involved", you see, people put on a front. We put on a front to get the attention of others. Men might act more interested in "girlie" things, while girls will act like they accept you for who you are. A quote I picked up somewhere addresses this very well, and I wish I remember who said it, or where I found it from. "Women go into a relationship expecting to later change the things they do not like about a man, while men go into a relationship hoping the woman will not change." There are exceptions to this rule. I am one of them. I am so because I want a person to like or not like me from the bat. It is pointless putting on a show for others, just to start to evolve a relationship into something, only to turn the tides later on. To me, it is a lie of character. I can be lude (or according to autocorrect, lure or nude), I can make remarks about your mom and how tasty she is, I am geeky, I don't bow down to demands. I can also be stubborn. I also am one who can change. I don't always think I am right and will change accordingly if it turns out I am really wrong (see also "controlling" Madd, it is around here somewhere). I compromise. I am compassionate. I really do like chick flicks (anyone attempt to quote me on this, I will claim I was drunk while working). I say I like something I do. I say I do not like something I don't. I will tell you that you have a fat ass if you have a fat ass and ask me about it. This also means that if I tell you that I love you, I truly believe that I do. If I tell you that I think you are the greatest woman I have been with, then I am saying it because I mean it, not because I hope to keep screwing you a while longer. Madd is WYSIWYG. So, if you like as is, well, you have my vote. Thank you Alienesse for being one of those people that let's me be what I love most about me: me, not someone else I could possibly be. Wait, thank you for being the only one I met who I know is that way :)