Madd Martin L Kroeger (madd74) wrote,
Madd Martin L Kroeger

Gift of Rich Text

So, I am back, for a few months, in the friendly fields of work. I missed WFH by just one person. Sucks to be me. Seeing as I came back on a Sunday, and did jep, I do not see much to compare to from being at home (other than my blazing fast system here since I am not being fed by 1.5 dialup broadband). Also, a few humans are missing to give me the full experience.

So Nicole has gone back home. I miss her already. I use to not miss hardly anyone. Then I had a kid, and my kid would spend long times away from me, and I found me missing him constantly. Then I got a girlfriend who is 951 miles away from me. People would ask me how my time was, and I would say it was "fun" or the like. It does not get much in terms of more due to a few issues that persisted between us. I find that unlike other women I have been with, almost everything between Nicole and myself that is negative deals with misunderstanding. I know some aspects of me are difficult, however others are simplistic. However, there is not a time where just for "no reason" I will start getting assaulted for being me. There are no fights because someone is annoyed with how I change the channel on the DVR :D The other thing that keeps us going strong is Nicole knows she has issues, to the point she can flat out apologize for them. It is amazing how far an apology can go. I have learned to appreciate them more and more, and it is the reason that I will lay them out thick and Iowa-Chop-Sized when I make a mistake. Someone close to me lied, a big lie. I was given a lot of apologizes, and the world was better. There was no blaming me for anything, and I appreciate that. Nicole can do this as well. I love her tons for it. I enjoy not being pegged as the reason someone else is wrong. I also enjoy being appreciated for me.

I did not get a chance to do all I wanted when she was here. I plan to "cap" that when she returns here in March. Oh, cap as in what one does to skills in FFXI, not what stupid famous people do to themselves with their gun at a club. There were a lot of key friends who did not get the privilege to meet Nicole. Of course, the most important was my son. She also got a taste of what I have had to contend with for years. Raising a kid is one thing, attempting to raise one that could possible be smarter than you (reference to Jen and myself) is another story. She got a taste of him pushing his boundaries as best as he could, as well as his cunning nature in attempts to have the world revolve around him. Children really are a great example of what a human being would have to evolve from. They help show that theory stating that all humans are selfish, and in some way or another, do everything in life in a selfish manner. Of course, she also got to see how one little bundle of nerves can be so loving and accepting. I think one of the main factors of wanting to have a child for so long was the fact I wanted someone who could almost completely accept me for who I am. You tell a child your name is Madd, they repeat it back. You tell an adult your name is Madd, and you get Matt, Adam, or, "that's not your real name." That is one thing that had disappointed me in human beings, that lack of acceptance. On that note, almost ten years ago when I told Nicole my name, I was not questioned.

One point of drama that cam about her trip was thinking that I had changed my mind in my feelings towards our future. Luckily, the beginning and end of the visit was fabulous. I am glad the trip did not start or end in drama. It also goes to show that I really have evolved as a person, and it makes me happy. I know my reactions to what happens sometimes could really be different, because it has been so in the past. Also, I realize that since thus far all issues between us is due to misunderstanding or miscommunication, that I simply have to figure out what is happening that is being mis-whatevered. Patience really is a gift from God that I wish more human beings attempted to embrace. Besides making life easier with me and my friends or ex's or enemies (which, I would most likely have none if it existed), it would make life easier on the world. That is my story and I am sticking to it. Sure, in the midst of things, I could start to doubt things, however I know the reason the thoughts come and I do not act on them and I just wait it out, and in the end find I was right in doing so.

Nicole is a wonderful match for me. She is not the perfect match. Of course, that is because of my definition of perfect. I cannot ever have a "perfect" match. Just like no one is perfect. At one point I was addressed with the fact that there is someone better out there. I am certain that is true, however, I do not like men. LMAO! Oh dear, I amuse me. Nicole is certainly the person I want to be with, for the rest of my natural life. She certainly has more positive qualities to her than negative. She enjoys playing FFXI with me, why in the world would I let that go?? :D
Tags: alienesse, dating, ffxi, jarin, psychology, qwest, relationships, tags pending, wfh

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