Madd Martin L Kroeger (madd74) wrote,
Madd Martin L Kroeger


I have a strange feeling I might end up on medication. It is either that, or my mind wind itself down to nothing. That might be fun, however there is no assurance that any identity of Madd Martin would remain. Of course, it could help in my ultimate goal in life to get a class B or high grade as a Wikipedia entry. Oh look at that, Word auto corrected the capitalization of the wiki.

Ignorance really can be bliss. I just want my mind to accept and move on with things. I am talking multiple things, not just one, as in, more than one person/party. I would like to point out, while I only remember bits and pieces of my last entry (not drunk, not high, just emotionally fried), some of what I said might sound like I was making negative slashes on my ex. I would point out that our last argument was some time shortly after my trip to TX and that things have been "cooled down" since that time frame. In no way or shape am I attempting to hash up things to start a fight or get pissy over things. In the same instance, my last entry was a mixture of bottled up mentality that came out in a point that, I imagined, was extremely non linear almost to the point of being a non sequitur entry. If you think you were confused, welcome to the world I live in every day. If it made perfect sense to you, I might want to hire you to translate my life for me so I can make better sense of it.

Before I go to a doctor and have myself declared legally insane, I think I am going to take a few steps first. As I am not in the habit of wanting to cause people harm, no matter who it is, I will start with some self writing, where I might take things I would say in public, bottled up, and just let it all out. If that does not work then I will have to confront. If that does not work I will medicate. Oh how I wish I could access my brain like I can access the registry editor of a computer. Throw a few code changes here and there, and be done with the mental turmoil. Brain, do what I tell you to do. I command it! Hmm... no, didn't work yet. Oh yeah, that's right, I do not do well to being bossed around, bullied, or controlled. That happened a shit ton when I was younger.

Dear brain... please desist your relentless attack on Madd stronghold from the north east. Yeah, that was a FFXI reference, I went there. My brain is reminding me of that Sandworm I ran across last night. So there I am, just running around when I hear that nifty campaign battle music start. I think to myself, cool, let's hit the fort. I get there and I see one of my favorites, the Fire Giant. I also see this HUGE, and I mean hung like a Madd worm sitting there, checking "Impossible to Gauge". I think, "Sweet fucking Founder's Day!" This is going to be a quick fight. I go, and I grab my tags, and I get my little mana potion ready, and then all of a sudden, I am taking damage. It is not even registering in my log. Peetave squeaks a few times, then is dead. WTF? Well, it turns out that Sandworm is not on our side. In fact, it is not even a part of campaign. It likes to camp PC's. Oh nice, a HNM that is literally camping out at places PC go to (Campaign Battles). Way to go S.E. you crazy bastards. So that is what I get for thinking it was on our side. I get dropped. Luckily for me, I had my tags on, so I did not lose EXP. The bad news is, when I went to reraise, it was CAMPING me again, so instant dead again. In fact, it dropped me like 7 or 10 times. The NPC would raise me, I would accept, it would kill me. One time I did not even see it! It was "invisible" since there was like two groups of defenders. Are you absolutely fucking shitting me? This is what we get with a level cap increase, monsters that literally sneak attack? Hahaha! Oh yeah, and thanks a lot you little shits of NPC's for just sitting around there doing nothing other than throwing a cure on me (which made absolutely no good whatsoever) or raising me (that I actually thank you for, even though I was able to cast RR on me a few times before being hunted down like a wounded kitten).

So that Sandworm, yeah, really seems like my brain. I think it is there to help me, and out of nowhere, just unleashes on me. I thought going into psychology and studying about humans was suppose to help my mentality; better apt at understanding not only how others work, but understand how I work. Sandworm! Your time will be mind some day, you little space herpie.

My word I am so blasted dead tired. I have absolutely no one to blame except everyone reading this. Yeah, that is how I am playing this out. All of you are to blame while I feel like the life has been sucked out of me. Sounds like a plan. When Jarin wants something, sometimes he says that now. "So, you get me pop tart, I eat it, and we play MotorStorm. Sound like a plan?" It sure does, little man. It sounds like you are too smart for your own good.

Ah yes, my new laptop was ordered today. This is exciting news, I think. I am not sure if I have emotion in me anymore. I am still leaning on Lord British as a name, however I will let that sit pending for a few. I have time... a little.
Tags: tags pending

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