Madd Martin L Kroeger (madd74) wrote,
Madd Martin L Kroeger

  • Location:
  • Mood:
  • Music:


Never in my life have I been so utterly and completely right about something. Never in my life have I ever wanted to be so wrong. Only once in my life have I felt pain close to this, and even that was so young ago and I was so long that I am not even sure that is a fair comparison. For the first time ever, I feel regret. I totally feel regret. I did not think it possible, but I think of how I... SO... could have done something... one thing... little things here and there, one big thing here, and have gotten the better results that I had hoped for.

I want to crawl into a hole and just sleep. I want to wake up in time for Jarin's graduation. I apologize for all the people of late I may have alienated or snapped at and the like, however now that judgement has been passed and I am where I am, I do not have this almost panic attack state that my mind switches into.

I wish I was stupid. Ignorance is real bliss. I have to pray to God to ask He not let my heart get filled with anger and hate. I feel like such a tool and horrible human being that I would have to request such a thing.

Well, getting that out stopped the crying... this time...

Everything is pretty much clear to me now. The answers I searched for are where they are, and I noted when I figured things out I would talk about it to everyone so that those who care deeply for me would have a better understanding and not be so completely lost. So I just have to compose myself, and I will. Oh, and to save everyone the time and effort, even though i do not work until Tue and it is Sat now, absolutely shitty weekend...
Tags: crying, depression, god, madd was right, pain, people reading

  • Winston Churchill: Alien Hunter

    I am calling it now... this is happening. Deny it all you want, but someone is going to make a movie where Winston Churchill hunts aliens, with a…

  • Lose of a Button

    Well, I am not so tired anymore. I might actually get some things taken care of at work even. This comment sponsored by 5-hour ENERGY™ and Mt. Dew™.…

  • Lake Day

    I have no clue what lake day would be, however, it appears at some point in my life I asked this question as noted in one of the auto complete…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.