I am unable to pinpoint when this started. Welcome one of a variety of reasons I want to get back into writing. The more I throw thought onto the cloth, whether coherent or not, the better apt I am at having a cohesive understanding of my mentality and when things start to go astray, or as dITZ would "mis-see" ashtray, hEhEhE!! Hmm I lost my train of thought. Maybe it's the gas.
When you get any sort of dependency on another human(s), you end up with more disappointment in your life. I believe this is the logic that I pounded hard core into my brain back in the day when being solitary was a benefit. I went to Zimm's, and only one of my regular bartenders was there. Once again, Eddie was MIA. I decided I was not going to "compete" for attention with all the other humans there with only one bartender. So I decided to go to Mickey Finn's despite recovering from a cold that makes singing a possible nightmare for throats. I got there, and I was missed. It was by only two or three people, however it was that good feeling. I even had a stranger encounter. The fact she later invited a guy to the bathroom and they were in there for a while certainly made her stranger. I was really happy that I got to close the show but of course I was a bit toasted by then and while I think little to no one was paying attention, I actually do not mind that as getting the crowd's attention these days is near difficult, or something. I really dug in and just gave it my Floydian best and it was great to me. At least, I think it was great, haha.
Well the problem with this alone business is it centers around life by proxy. By that, I mean, just being around another human still really does little for me. Even being around family and the like is not going to necessarily do much. I can be in a party of "friends" on FFXI, and I am good to go and in a great mood. I can be in an EXP party and not really feel the affects of being non-alone, even though I am still in a party, and gaining experience. After the bar, I decided to leave Stingray a message. It reminded me of the old days of talking to him for about eight hours straight. This was daily, and many times, included mass amounts of me commenting about his mother, singing, or making the usual inappropriate remark about life. Being in a more toasted market, this of course enhanced these feelings. Man I rocked the keyboard when I got home. It was nice to have no one around at home when I got there. How odd is that? I was not alone with my keyboard. It is that or I was just that not with it by then, hEhEhE!! I was in an extremely musically moved mood. I am processing that there is more to this than what was on the surface. I think this is going to cover another topic that has been rattling in my noggin for a while; music.