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Jul 27th, 2007

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22:55 - my day...
Well, it is not so good. It started out so wonderfully great, it really did. Jarin did his giggle thing for me, how could ever a time be bad when he does that. Of course, the problem lies longer through the day anyway.

I am having a family reunion. No, this is actually not the bad thing. See, problem is, that my family and I have something in common... well, besides blood. It is no wonder I love and am so close to my family, well, when I am around them {sigh}. In attempts to get finalized information, well, it turns out I still have about the same info now I do then. I know a little bit of info, and mother is gonna have to get back to me. It is not her fault... the fam really has work to do at being more prompt at getting back to people. So, a little tension that will cause.

Well, the real tension comes from what keeps coming back to me every time I talk to my mother, and what really has made this a bad day. My mother is going in on Monday to have an angiogram. She has been having chest pains that have gotten progressively worse since Grandpa died. Besides that, I was reminded that Grandma Swim's cancer appears back, and mother said she is not in good shape. I... just do not like where this is all going. I lost my Grandma last year, and I lost Grandpa this year, and things are more and more difficult for me to live with right now. I have no one to relate to or to really talk to, who I am close to, because most of my friends are distant from me. Please note, that comment is not passing blame to any one of my friends, as my life has changed and got extremely complicated all by my own doing.

Still... I went my life, some time around my freshman year, losing my grandpa. Everyone was close to him. It was the only time since the divorce that my mother and father were in the same place together and played nice. I lost a great grandma there somewhere, however did not go to the funeral (got yelled at by father for that one) due to... well, just being so far away and young and not knowing any better. That is a long time to go, being blessed without having the burden of close people being lost, and now, this.

God, I ask that You watch over my mother and Grandma please. I realize that it is extremely selfish the way I ask, for I know for a fact if I lose my mother anytime soon, I will fall to pieces. Still, thank You for taking the time to listen to me.
Current Location: work
Current Mood: sadsad
Tags: , ,

[[2 comments | Train your Brain]]


(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:Aug 3rd, 2007 19:29 (UTC)

Re: well

it makes me think of death and mortality... when Grandma died, I realized she was gone, and I started to mentally imagine what it was like to be dead, then thinking that maybe the lights just go out, everything stops registering, and that is it, goodbye. in thinking such a thing, I realized the implications, against God. God is more important to me than my child, or even myself, so for any part of my brain to attempt false existance, well, it is more than I was able to take. so tough road, well, that is one way to look at it.

yeah, meeting is good, will have to find a time when you can stop by. Jarin's existance announced came at the most perfect time for me to fight off that evil thoughts that had pinged my mind, and thank you
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:Aug 6th, 2007 21:15 (UTC)

Re: well

i do not believe in the suppose to do anything, as much as I believe in God, so I wonder how that translates to Him

thank you, and you also! {hug}

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