September 11th, 2010

ani-madd faces

TX Twitter Step

So, my trip to TX. More and more people ask about it, and I had some time to think about it, and then some. First off, while the trip was not 100% love and chocolate, it was a wonderful time and experience. I had gotten to do something I had wanted to do for almost a decade; meet Alienesse (a.k.a. Nicole, a.k.a. my girlfriend).

There is something about the way we have interacted in the first year that just drew me to Nicole, on a mental basis. This continued connection, of course, would lead to me opening up my heart and love to her. Well times would change, and obvious changes to that, like, me knocking up Jen. Nicole would go through a bit of changes also.

Anyway, enough about the obvious and already stated. There were a few troubled times. I find that communication is something that still has to be worked on by the both of us. On Wednesday we had a little tiff. It came, from my understanding, when I was going on about the insane prices of the Starbucks coffee she was going to buy. For some reason it was taken that I was personalizing it to her. Complaining about outrageous prices and then going against it is what I do best. I go an buy a pop for $1.30 that cost about $0.07 or so to make. As much as I attempt to get my money's worth, I obvious fail. Any time I order a combo meal, those fries and that drink jack up the price to an unheard of rack in for whoever I am buying it from. Some people know this as a fact (that I do this) and would think nothing of it. Obviously, this was not one of those cases. After helping me with my stuff, she decided she was going to up and leave. That is where another (and bigger) misunderstanding came to be. This is when I told her what she had to look forward to when going home, as if it was a reference to her family. When I make a comment like this, I think from the aspect of "if the shoes were switched". I know if someone came to see me from 950 some miles away, and was going to be gone in a week, that I would want as much time as possible (under usual situations). So my comment was directed to "I was not going to be there".

So, there was a nice big break down from that on my side. I had not seen Nicole so attentive and willing to sit there and just hear me out. I mean, my issue at the time was dealing with her, and I could have called her every name in the book with as inviting as she was to it. I had nothing malice to actual say. I only had some feelings to let out. It was absolutely wonderful of her to do. From that point for the majority of the week things were extremely excellent. We got to have a few Dexter marathons. The place I was staying at had questionable internet service. In fact I was only able to access the wireless two times I was there. Luckily for me, I brought an Ethernet cable. From that I was able to setup Wiskers to be a wireless access point for her netbook and for Dexter (netbook, not character). Well, attempting to watch anything on Netflix was almost pointless. I might as well have been on dialup. For once, "high speed internet" made my home internet look lightning fast.

We really did not go out much, other than food. Either she had school and was sleeping, or we went somewhere to grab food. I was honestly very content with that. I realize that many people would get bored, however, luck would have it that I not only do not get bored, I would be very happy just being in the same room as her. We did, however, plan to head out Saturday to do karaoke.

Something extremely odd happened, however, as my heart just decided before she even showed up to switch into high gear. At one point on the way over to the place I clocked my heartbeat at 150 BPM. At first I did want to say anything, however I realized if my heart exploded or something that she would have been totally unprepared for it. I started thinking that getting up and singing would put more stress on my heart. I almost went up and told Nicole (KJ, not girlfriend) that I was going to have to pass for a while. My plan was to get some beer (depressant) in me to slow the system down. For the record, this plan failed. My heart stayed at a nice fast pace.

However, on an interesting note, when I went up to sing my first song, I certainly felt much more "calm". I thought for sure that when I sang my next song, Bodies, that the bodies would really be hitting the floor. The only thing that happened there, besides one person front row who did great audience participation, was make me sweat and "strain" my right lung. That was nothing out of the ordinary. When I sang my last song, Comfortable Numb, my fingers went tingly. I really put my heart into it, and felt I sang it better than usual. So 2.5+ pitchers and one strong specialty drink later, we ended up leaving. I was dead tired. That is better than being dead, however. I ended up passing out on the trip back to my place. Talk about crashing, I did just that.

So skipping a bit (since confusion is my friend), come Monday and Nicole is ready to up and leave. No kiss later, no hug... just up and leave. So, once again I stopped her to ask what was going on. Madd was wrong. The night before I thought she was upset over something/one else, and it turned out it was over me. Had I gone into it more the night before, then things could have possibly been resolved prior to Monday. I made a comment about being asked "are you okay" by the fourth or so time, as it can be a slight pet peeve of mine. Well, again, this is something that would have not even been on the radar as something that actually bothered me. However, it was taken personal. It also seems that my lack of input had put a rather big strain on things. Oh, since I am going backwards, Sunday night we did go see a movie, The Expendables. Shit blows up, and a lot of famous people are in it. You get what you pay for :D I at least got what I expected out of it, so it was not a waste, great.

Squirrel. So yeah the not giving definite answers to what we were to do put a strain. I think she felt as if she might be failing as a host. However, I saw it nothing close to the sort. My defense was that I wanted to experience things I normally do not. I got just that. The only time this was not true was when I wanted a burger and chicken sandwich from McDonald's since I was not really hungry and we were doing something. Otherwise, everything was "exotic" hehehe. Well, Wal-Mart and Best Buy are not exotic, however I want to be able to return shit in Iowa if it comes to that. Anyway, since I am not familiar with Texas, I really do not know what they have. Add to the fact I am still a rather piss-poor planner, and you get, well, me not sure what to do and being rather cool with it (I will note, however, I did suggest Thai on Sunday). So we had another heart to heart. Knowing what I otherwise was not sure about before but I knew after this, I suggested we watch Dexter. By that, I mean, it turns out I could have offered to watch all of Dexter and then some, and she would have been totally happy with that. I know I am totally happy with that. Heck, I am going to watch it for yet a third time with Sparky when we run through the episodes. There are some things I just do not ever tire of. I have listened to the same CD's in my car for almost a year. I say the same punchlines and jokes over and over (I miss Kraber, we use to be kings of the "I can count these few years worth of repeated on two hands" jokes). I think that is one thing that really gave me slight concern. I mean, I may not get bored, and I might be unique and different, however, I can be extremely repetitive. I can be extremely repetitive. I can be repetitive. I very much can go beyond being very repetitive. Is that going to work with someone who is almost a thousand miles away from me? Via chat and phone and TXT, is it going to get stale?

So my summary of my trip is that don't give me no ass smoking bullshit that you have high speed internet when my home service can run circles around you :D hehehe. Also, Nicole is a totally wonderful person. It might shock some who know all that happened to think that I would have had such an ecstatic time. However, I really took nothing negative from this trip. The times we had any sort of issues, I was shown we can communicate our way through it. This is a GOOD thing if I am going to have someone live with me. It is nice to know that no matter how much we may not want to fight, that if it happens and we are in person, we can work things out. One of the last things I said, other than "Oh no that's good acid, man," was that if we can work through what we did then we can do anything. Oh... wait, sorry, that first part was said by Chong in "Up in Smoke". My error, hehehe.

So, the last few moments of me being there included a finish of Dexter season three. Also I found that she can really like to play games with me if they are the right ones. She is not a fan of SoR, however, she DID play it all the way through like a trooper, and that was extremely nice of her to do (no worries, Stingray, no one is dethroning our connection to POWER OUT). Also, it is great that she knows I am not bullshit. I give a certain projection of who I am online, and that projection is a mirror copy in real life. There is no bullshit. There is no "I am more cool online because I can hide behind my computer." If anything, I am better in person than I am on the computer. The only advantage of computer is that my memory can epic fail me at the wrong times, and the computer is there to back me up, while in real life I... squirrel!!

So Nicole is a wonderful and great person. She is pretty much exactly as I expected her to be. I was not really thrown for a loop (at least that I remember). I say not really since I was not expecting any sort of deep drama between us, however as noted, I think it worked out great for the both of us as it gave us a chance to really show we can work things out, because we are both very much in love with each other. In fact she said something that really touched me at the time. It was something about not liking to hurt me because when I was hurt or down it was affecting her or something like that. Damn, I cannot exactly remember the wording. I only remember it was done in a way that really touched my heart. Sometimes we say things that are super sweet and wonderful and do not even realize we do it. I miss her greatly. I so wish I could have a hug right now. I am super excited to think of the next time I get to spend time with her! I look forward to seeing if I get to be the lucky one who someday gets to give the ultimate gift to her: my name.