August 12th, 2010


Dear Son

Jarin, I want you to know, that despite anything anyone would ever say, you are always my number one mortal priority. It does not matter what your mom says, or your dad says, or your grandparents, or anything else. You are my special boy. I have wanted you since I was five. I have wanted you in my life. I know I do dumb things at times, and I know I say dumb things at time, and I have no real reason to explain it other than the fact... that I make mistakes. Please do not ever confuse any of these mistakes as anything other than... well... me possibly being stupid. Overall, I am a smart person. Just like you are a smart person, and your mom is a smart person. We both love and care for you greatly.

At this point in your life, you are not a staple part of mine. By that, I mean, I do not always get to hug you, or talk to you, or see your smiling face. I use to not because of work, however, now things are more complicated than that. Daddy made plenty of mistakes to ensure this happened, however daddy was not the only one. A lot of us made a lot of mistakes. The one thing you were not, however, was a mistake. Sometimes daddy things strange things. Daddy's brain just happens to work that way. Sometimes daddy is really hurt and does not think right. Sometimes daddy is really tired and that means you are in my room asking me to get up for a little while. You still mean the world to me. You still are my number one priority even if it seems I am not. Like I said, please, do not let anyone tell you otherwise because if there is one thing I have figured out, is that you are such a special person that sometimes special situations in my life happen. Things I did not think I could say or feel become a possibility. This is not your fault. None of anything not right in my life is due to you. The same thing goes for your mom. No matter what she says or does or thinks or feels, it is not because you are a burden or you did anything wrong.

It is close to the day that helped ensure you came to be, Friday the 13th. Before that day arrives, since we are going to be busy (grandpa is going to see you and then spend time with dad), I wanted to tell you now, even though you cannot read this. Maybe someday soon I will read it to you. I love being a part of the reason you are as smart as you are. I know I am not the only one, however, I am a part of it, and I am so proud of how smart you are. I love you Jarin.