May 24th, 2010

MW

198

Saturday I was 200 lbs. Sunday I gained one plus lbs (Mair, it was more than 1, so lbs is accurate :D). Well, today, for the first time in, years, I came in under 200 lbs. Some people could think there is still something wrong and that this relates to the depressed state I am in, however, it boils down to diet.

Back in the day, college, I use to live off of Mt Dew and garbage. It was so bad that at some point going to the doctor, I was told how horrible my cholesterol level was doing. So I totally changed my diet and was able to get my cholesterol levels to be better. At some point, I stopped drinking Mt Dew. Then at some point further up the road, I started drinking Mt Dew again. I was averaging about 50 oz per 5 days (since I generally did not drink it during the days I was off work). I was also eating "junk" while I was working. Also, I was drinking a decent about of beer, I would say around four to five pitchers per week. After a while, this would catch up to me. If memory serves, I believe I topped out at 220 lbs.

So, minus the Mt Dew I just had since I am so wore out and tired, I have pretty much given up on Mt Dew again. Also, I tend to make many trips to the water fountain. I have stopped munching on a lot of garbage, even though that is a little more towards my mental state of being. Continuing this trend, I am not sure where my weight is going to bottom out at, however I am hopeful that a lot of the Floyd shirts I have will be wearable again without feeling uncomfortable.

My mind has attempted to prepare for what is considered the absolute worst of my recent mental time. Really talking to myself seems to still be the best way to figure things out and know where I want to go with all my life. I noticed one of the bigger problems I have when confronted with a major life issue, is that my mind is "concerned" that what I am thinking will be lost, so I keep thinking the same things over and over again in an attempt to be able to address it in whatever way I am going to. So, if I write it down, then it should all be better, or so I am hoping. I mean, I know that my initial release made my brain feel so much better that I was able to function again in just a matter of a few days.

Some times, it really sucks being human. Well, it sucks for me, at least, in the whole inability to just flip a switch and turn my mind off. How I would like a vacation from my brain.