July 11th, 2008


I Spy With My Little Eye

So, this entry is a series of closures that I am preparing to take care of, as sooner or later, something comes along somewhere that reminds me of something, and if I do not have proper closure, well, it eats me up, like bad tuna that had been sitting out for 9 days, but damn you were so fucking hungry ya just couldn’t help yourself, even though you would end up at the doctors later getting… well, haha, anyway.

First off, in no way shape or form is Madd Martin a perfect person, nor am I close to it. I am also not better than everyone else, even though, I would say I am better than the average person, if anything, because of my ability to respect other humans. My respect has a line, however, and some people are starting to cross it... this entry brings up one of those humans in question that I let walk over my feelings.

Oh, and for the record, not everything is going to be as volatile as this entry turned out to be (this and previous paragraph are post writings). There was a lot of pent up frustration and anger on my part, because damn if that is not how I get when I know one thing but am told another, just to have it turn out to be multiple lies.

Goodbye, Jessica. I never got to properly throw you in the trash as I had wanted to. I am reminded as I go through my 400+ day old voice mails the reason I want to get closure on this lost cause. Ooh, Madd, you sound so cynical! Well, forgive me for putting up with people’s lies and shit way too often. Time to close the door.

Anyone who knows me, would know that despite being on myspace, I really cannot stand the service. However, I like keeping in contact with humans, and of course, humans in general love myspace. So, skipping a bit, some time ago, Jess was on myspace as I was, and I was dubbed the top bill on her side for some time. So, that sets the stage for the next entry.

I cannot tell you how many times I was told how important I was, and how I would ALWAYS have a certain status, with NO EXCEPTIONS. I was basically promised, even though for the life of me, I cannot claim that was the exact word used, on how special I was to her heart. In fact, I had a few lashings when I simply, and politely, suggested the fact that I knew better, and that some day, some guy, would come along that she would click with and things would go with her. As noted, I was lashed for making such accusations. Well, it would turn out that my ability to understand and successfully translate human behavior would, once again, be proven true.

At one time, I was told that she had gone to a cabin, and had sex with some guy. That is a far cry from the fact there was going to be no one else other than myself. No big deal, despite the deception of words used towards me, I let it slide. To continue with the story, eventually, the “place you would never move from on my friend’s spot” would end up being moved, JUST as I said it would. Now, reiterating here, myspace itself I could care less of, and as to where I am on a person’s list would normally mean very little to me, unless, the friend list spot was defined as important to the OTHER person, and for some reason, a person makes some claim of how I am somewhere or what have you… well, it boils down to being told a lie.

Jess had been nothing more than a self centered wanting to be pleased person who would only tell me the shit “I want to hear” (which last time I checked, was honesty?). That is how it was. Well, good riddance to bad rubbish. I think my last JOHD entry dealt with something on the lines of finding out from her she was pregnant. I do not remember exactly, and I sure as shit am not going to waste my life looking for it. I do not care. I do not care enough that if I found out Jess was dead, I would have no feeling on the matter one way or another. I would not be vindictively happy, or sad, it would be like hearing about any other random human being in the world had passed away… guess it was their time.

My last official message from Jess (key word official) was on how I am not ever to TXT, call, or contact her again or I would have to deal with her husband. Oh I am shaking in my little space boots! What kind of petty ass threat is that, seriously? Big bad controlling husband is going to write me a nasty gram? Wow, there is a thing called delete on most of my message services, how easily I can invoke any of those! Going to call me? Shit, I work for the phone company and last time I checked, the AZ area was under my control.

The reason I say official word, is because I noticed on my first Father’s day that I had gotten some anonymous messages from someone wishing me a Happy Father’s day. Well, while I am not able to confirm it came from Jess, or why it would, I did notice that the IP address was linked to AZ termination point, and I really cannot think of anyone else who would attempt to message me who would not identify myself. If it is another human, then I apologize to that human for totally disrespecting them (next time, ID yourself :) ). If it is Jess, well, I am not sure what stupid shit you are attempting to pull, but like all of your other lies to me (including an actual lie), I am not buying it. Save your lies for your husband, like how you married him yet would have broken things with him had I have asked you to dump him and marry me. Egotistical? Heavens no, I certainly remember a few phone calls, like the one as I was coming back from Taco John’s as I was on my lunch break.

Good bye, good bye, enjoy your controlling husband and your lies and thank goodness that I have finally come around to purge you from my existence. I already have thrown away most of the stuff you have given me, minus a shot glass and some keychain thing, only due to me forgetting about those items. Yeah, that is right, Madd Martin actually has tossed away items given to him. I must be out of my mind, that, or finally getting into it.

There was much more I was going to actually get into, however, ya know, I feel much better purging this from my system as is, so...

Never talk to me ever again (Jess, not the rest of you). Never read any of my crap (again, Jess, not the rest of you). Go away and cease to exist in my life, because while I do not hate you, I certainly do not like you and am happier with your lying ass out of my life forever. GOOD BYE. (and wondering eyes, if you are out there, comment screening for anonymous users IS turned on, so play nice, or watch you get zapped)
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