October 11th, 2006


Valid Where Prohibited

Madd's Log, Maddate 061010.28:
-0010: Tanner’s
-Joe/T’s wonder shot
-over to Jen/O
-ready for bed
-JOHD entry error
-little X appointment: 153 BPM
-return pad
-phone not lost
-ready for day: minus shower
-1430,work: 1 HR OT
-echat Melissa
-manager Madd
-Dr Lungae trouble: crash w TXT lost

So I stayed a bit late, finishing up comments to you still.  The one thing that I just totally do not get, is how someone can talk about taking a crack shot at someone, for something that I say to her face.  You know, Jen takes many shots at me, as I do her.  I think that I have come up with more, however I am not keeping track.  The reference was to something I said to you about Friday the 13th, and that was when I met her, and the joke was “just kidding, JOHD.”  This brought back a conversation where I talked about the inability to take words back.  Well, I agree with this.  I have said plenty of things in my day that I would rather not have, however, I did, and there really is no way to take it back.  All I can do is apologize for my otherwise stupid behavior, and either hope the other person forgives me and moves on, or simply kicks me to the curb.  Well... I had been arguing this fact with Gretl for some time, about this comment.  I still feel the biggest problem that everyone with issues with me is having (minus Jen) is that the entire story is not known.  You know, one thing I realized, is that some of the stories about Jen, and other events, are still not on-line, they are all here, in you.  I do not remember what entries I have broadcasted, and what ones are still pending.  So some of the confusion about what has happened could deal with the fact, what I think some people know, and should be taking into consideration, they simply do not.  It may not all be a matter of selective reading, even though, I do realize there ARE some things that are being assumed that I know have not been.  Eh, oh well.

So, I headed to Tanner’s, and on the way, was talking to Jen.  I did end up apologizing to her, for the comment I made to Melissa regarding her.  As noted to her, I think the logic at the time was something to do with defending comments.  Translation, JOHD, is that one of the problems is that Jen was looking to have done absolutely nothing wrong at all, in any way shape or form.  This comment was to state she does do things wrong.  Problem is, that the comment was not related to what is being debated/argued.  So yes, I very much well fucked up, and there is nothing to excuse for the behavior.  The comment was not even that wrong.  I was attempting to prove a point, and I went about it the wrong way.  There are many OTHER things I could have used to being the point home, hEhEhE!!  Well, nice to know my dry sense of humor is still functioning.

While my humor may still be intact, some of my observational skills seem to be out of whack.  Jen asked something about staying out at the bar, as I wanted to go out for my Monday medicine.  She asked something about staying out until 0130, which I said no, but it turned out that her comment was about talking to *me* before 0130.  I am not sure how I misunderstood what she said, however I am sure that I did.  The one thing that still bothers me is how she continuously reacts by emphasizing the name of people at the bar.  These people are generally Joe/T and Abby/BJ.  Well, not Abby/BJ so much any more as she has been converted to bartender.  Still, it is not a single related incident.  Also, it gets really aggravating being told how I *always* have to finish a pitcher of beer, for that is no where close to the truth.  More of those literally things noted that are not true that bug me.  I tell you, how do I keep from losing my mind?  Oh yeah, this is not a reference to Jen, as it is to humans in general (as many do it, minus the few literalists I know).  On the good side, none of this lit any spark for an argument from either of us.  It did made Jen a bit sad, however, any time that is spent from me seems to do that.  What in the world is she going to do if I die?  hEhEhE, oh yeah, I asked her that, and I do believe her exact words were either “be sad” or “cry”.  -lol-  My fucking word she can be funny without attempting to be.  Do note, JOHD, I actually *asked* if she would mind if I went to the bar tonight.  See, I can be nice!  Huh?  Hey, bitch, that was uncalled for!  {poke}hehehe

So, the bar was slow, as it generally is now.  Joe was there, Jake was not.  I enjoy talking to Jake.  I think a part of this is because I think he is hot and I want to have sex with him.  Huh?  Hey, who said that??  Actually, I cannot help but wonder if EVERYONE in Joe’s family is hot, and I am not just talking the chicks.  Speaking of hot family, oh wow is our kid going to grow up and be hot, hot, hot!  Between the pictures of Jen as a child, and me... man... I tell you, more reasons to not want a girl to start off with.  I’ll have to buy a shotgun, and interview each of her boyfriends with the shotgun next to the wall.  {pointing to gun}”Hey, you like my shotgun?  Briar’s curfew is 2100... you still live on Rose Ave?”  hEhEhE!!

Oh yeah, the nice shot reference was not an actual shot, it was that Joe threw a wadded up napkin at me, and it went into my glass.  Still, you like my play on words?  Nice shot?  Bartender?  Tee-hee!!  I so rock.  Oh yeah, also let it be known that I did not drink the entire pitcher of beer (or picture of beer, either), and this had nothing to do with anything noted by Jen.  Oh... yeah... my ability to judge the distance from Vic and Andy to Jen vs. Tanner’s to Jen’s is also out of whack; need repair.

So I went back to Jen’s, and she was out like a light.  In checking things out, I found it strange that our last entry was missing.  In investigating the situation, I found the entry, just sitting there, plain as day, on Raine, no submit button.  How flipping strange is that?  I do not remembering that happening.  Of course, I do not remember about 72 percent of my life, either.  So I took care of computer and other related things, and crawled into bed, and in a matter of seconds a hand was targeting in and coming after me.  I attempted to escape with my life, however was quickly defeated as it grew 1000 feet, wrapped itself around me, and telepathically kept repeating “affection me” in a deep, raspy, monstrous voice.  Man, that’s good acid!

So we were both up early, and went to the doctor appointment.  Little X was moving around fine!  In fact, it appeared X was kicking Jen quite a bit.  Heart rate a healthy 153BPM.  There were a lot of ultrasound pictures taken.  The one looking down at X looking right at us freaks Jen out, since it looks like a skull.  The nurse informed me I was not allowed to take any pictures, even though she was not fast enough because I think I got a shot of X sucking the thumb, hEhEhE!!  You have to be quicker than that!

So breakfast was on Jen... well, not literally.  We sat and we talked a bit about things, most notably the drama surrounding you, her, and the like.  It was also noted how she realized when I sent the TXT about almost being in tears while writing it was the time she realized how stressed I must have been.  Yeah, it would not ever really register just due to me rarely being affected by stress.  Ever since some good quality mind reprogramming, I have been able to deal with the greatest bounds of stress.  Of course, I cannot think of the last time I have had such big events that could cause such stress.  House, baby, Jen... the last time I know of anything this big... was... well, grandma’s death I guess was one, but the house and Jen were still there.  Arwen telling me she was pregnant, and as I remember, I did not handle that well.  While some of the things she did was well beyond wrong, I still feel I owe her an apology.  hEhEhE... someone has to acknowledge your existence before that is possible.  I am sure I will remember... some day.

So besides that wonderful talk, we talked about... ah... um... stuff.  Like I can remember all of this.  Oh yeah, I think this is when I noted my amusement in her journal entry about the fridge, and how it seems when I have a “good idea”, she usually seems against it, but ends up thinking it is a great idea, and I turn out changing my mind, being some what against it, or not thinking it such a great idea.  How strange is that?

So, after food, headed home.  I played some FFXI, even though it was more relocating myself than anything.  Well wait, no, I did go after a few worms.  Yeah... I spent a lot of time licking my wounds.  Jen finally arrived, but did so too late for me to get all the pictures scanned that she was showing off to her old work chums.  I got in a few, however had to jet, so jet I did, since the mean Qwest people decided to not kill OT... at least for me.

I was able to chat a few with Melissa, which was nice, mainly because it is good that despite any problems we might be having with on-line journal drama, she appears to be able to separate it from the overall feelings towards me.  I already lost Gretl, Robin/Q, and a few others due to too much drama, so it is nice that Melissa is not giving the appearance of doing so also.

Really there was not much more to the day, minus playing manager, and encountering yet more problems with the technology that I loathe so much.  Knowing I have issues, I re-booted my phone before the appointment, so I had a clean slate and would not miss anything (just to find that most of what I wanted was not showing up due to being too far away and too small).  So, not even in a twelve hour period, the phone is stuck on Solitaire, and even that was going strange, delayed, and slow.  I could not get rid of it.  I could play, however could not tap on anything but new game menu.  All of the hard buttons would make clicking noises, but do nothing.  I had a TXT from someone, not sure who, and when I finally went to re-boot, the system lost some of the information.  {sigh} This so fucking pisses me off.  I cannot say it is the phone, I put some things on there that do not seem to want to come off.  Since the trial version of the TXT software that put Outlook and my phone together expired, I cannot save my current TXT, so I will have to register it, or get something else to backup.  Then it is a matter of backing up the phone logs, and I can format the damn thing.  I AM FORMATTING A FUCKING PHONE, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE??  Raine requires a format, Link requires a format, Aeon requires a format, as all of these computers are not acting anywhere close to what they should be.  Aeon no longer talks to Flux, Link... is possessed by binary demons.  There is that strange ear piercing noise he makes, and almost every time I right click, it takes a flipping 10 seconds for it to pop up, and that is just the beginning.  Raine... well, if I put Raine to sleep, she does not wake up.  Outlook... I am not sure there is a technical term for what is happening there.  How in the hell does all this shit happen like this?  I mean, I barely even put anything on Aeon.  I know Link has a lot of software that has been installed and removed that may have accounted for that.  Aeon had no reason to go insane.  Raine?  Oh I just do not know.  This is what I get for being so fascinated by technology, I guess.  Yes, a guess pulled out from my gas-filled ass.  Well, at least it has that wonderful fabric-softener sound and smell!  Master of Maddness, signing off......

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