Madd's Log, Maddate 061007.67:
-0000,return pad: father drunken phone call
-FFXI/pc: death on Qufim Island
-Jen/O hunger problem
-not ready for bed
-ready for day
-over to Jen/O parents
-K’s: going out of business... again
-over to dITZ
-over to Gem
So I headed to Alex to go home. Father called, returning a VM I had left earlier this waking day. Um... or maybe it was Spark? No, no, it was father, only in the same CONDITION as I am use to seeing Spark in. hEhEhE, it was pretty funny, actually, as he was talking about this and that, and at one point he noted the fact he was out shooting pool and drinking. I added to that the fact he sounded drunk. He corrected me and said he was pretty much well getting there and had another level. Jen thinks I am a drinking risk when I drive, haha, father had been to the point where I might be on average with me already half way leaving Spark’s (no nap, mind you) and he was still in the prime of his night. Well, at least I know that I truly am not an alcoholic, and I no longer let myself get that out of control. I could not but help... what a time for him to get in a serious or fatal accident. I have heard of him closing the bar and not remembering it before. Hmm... are we sure this was not Sparky? Oh yeah, he had a few choice things to say about the apartment attempting to charge me all this money for not having the place perfect.
So as I was playing FFXI Jen showed up. It was strange as I just suspected that she would up and be here. Oh well, I got to play FFXI for some time. I ended up packing my belongings and heading to Qufim island... I was actually taking on land worms, and lots of them, that were tough to me. Man the life of a RDM is so much better than that of a WHM when attempting to solo. Well, I will admit that a few times there was a guy who would assist with some cures here and there. This would only last until an unlucky turn of events where I was attempting to run away and was thrown a stoning that ended my life. Luckily for me there was someone around I was able to ask for a raise.
Well, I was not the only one who could have used a raise, as Jen was getting rather cry-happy, that state where it “seems” she is crying for no reason. She wanted to go to McD, and not only that, she wanted me to drive. The things I do for her, are a lot I would like to add. This was no exception, we got her food and we came back here.
Well, my body would be woke to Jen packing, and this would lead to me cleaning. I cannot believe how much dirt and nasty everything was on the walls of my place. I had walls that actually looked very well. The water damage from long ago, where the Playstation sign was stuck to ripped off paint. I heard this to start my morning, as I heard her saying “oh fuck” about something. I would later find out this was the case. I remember this water damage, a large bubble of something hiding in my wall when the people upstairs had their toilet over flow or break or something.
So as we were moving boxes (which were taken care of thanks to the wonder of Jen), the crabbiness of Jen started to kick in. Yes, so much for the email she sent me. She just started to get up and irritated at things. She went on about me leaving her car door open in the ghetto apartment complex she complains about. I was simply running back in to get a box to run back and put in her car. Her rational is that I do not do that to my massive expensive car. That part, by the way, is another part I will get to next. Problem is that there have been cleaning issues where I did leave my doors open. It is not like the people are really that bad around here. Sure, they will kill you, but most of them are kind enough to turn themselves in.
The other problem was how I keep making referencing to her “piece of shit” car. It bothers her that I do it, in which when I do it is not ever meant to go on her financial status. However, because a lot of humans in her past have done it, the translation is the same for me, despite the fact I am no were close to these other people. This talk, by the way, lead to how I reference the house as mine speech, where I do not make it seem as if she has anything in the house at all. I thought about this on the way to her parents. You know, this is my house. She is staying there, and as crappy as that may seem, this is my hard earned money. Even the things I am getting from father are things I had to spend 31 years being his son in order for it to turn around and finally pay out to me. Unless she is willing to just up and dump all this money into payments... even that, yeah, I am sorry JOHD, this is my house. You know, we are not to a point between us where I would be comfortable associating the house as ours. Yes, I reference to our home, because your home is not necessarily the physical aspect of where you live. Under a bridge can be the home for a homeless person while it is definitely not a house. This is something I have put up with a lot of living hells for. I have been restricted on my living arrangements. Now, I get the almost perfect place, and still, restrictions are set. Yes, this is my fault, I am very aware of that. It goes to show, if a baby was not on the way, that I would have gone another route by now, most likely living with my own self, enjoying what I feel I have more than deserved for what I have gone through. No, it has not been a difficult life, and many other humans have had a worse time than my own self. So it may bother her about how it seems I have pushed her out, however, it really bothers me that thanks to me, she is going to have a damn nice house to live in. Her baby is going to more than be taken care of. It is like she is getting a “free ride”, and to this day, I STILL get yelled at or crabbed at about how I so do not appreciate her. I think it becomes more clear why all this hostility is pent up inside me.
Well, that was the brunt of issues between us today, which is nice, as the rest of the day was well, minus the fact I was so tired. After dropping off boxes at her parents’ house, we went to Taco Bell for a gourmet meal, hEhEhE!! Jen bought, which was nice of her. I am not sure, however it would seem at times that she bounces back fast realizing she is doing wrong. Of course, there is also the big difference between saying “I’m sorry” and “I’m pregnant”. I thought about the times that she says that she is sorry and the times that she says she is pregnant. At some point walking out, I thought about how her use of pregnant some times really cuts into her attempts in saying she is sorry. Maybe this is why I end up having issues with her down the road, then things start up again. I mean, she says it as if I did not know she is pregnant, and on more than one occasion made the claim as if I did not care. Once again, everything about the house, the errands I run, food I get, sacrifices I make, come into play.
Well, K’s is going out of business... again. Yes, I do think I remember the fact that they already claimed a going out of business sale. When we got there, we checked out a lot of things. I am not sure how much of it I would consider a massively great deal. I think it will be some time before there are really great deals, but of course that means that the selection is going to be extremely low.
So from there we went to Best Buy (West Des Moines). We checked out nice big 60” TV. The picture quality was nothing like the smaller TV next to it, even though it was noted something about the input being the problem. Well, as sure as I eventually shit, I am going to see that picture before I would get this TV. We also looked at fridges, even though there was not anything there that really stuck out.
So we headed to Fuddruckers to celebrate a birthday of one of her family members that happened within the week. For whatever reason, I have really been conscious about my ass after repeated comments about it from Jen. Oh, hahaha, no, not that it is fat, but that there is a hole in the butt! Well... it is not actually a hole, it is the pants shredding apart. I had thought a few times that maybe I would see if Melissa wanted to patch it up, as I know she is almost retarded over such things as I am retarded over video games. Okay, okay, no, she is no where near my retardedness for video games... well... you know, I really cannot say it. I can only go by knowing what I have done and what I go through, and she DID give up her “Sewcute” reference to you :D Well, my point is, that I actually was catching myself attempting to adjust my shirt as if it might clover up the pants damage. What strange behavior for such a Madd.
Some not-so strange behavior was how tired I was. I was almost to the point of potentially thinking of passing out at the table. While some of this is Jen’s doing, waking me up and the like, it does not really bother me, especially that this is good practice of things to come once March arrives (assuming little X decides to not make an early visit). Wow is that going to be a load of fun.
So we went to the Jordan Creek Best Buy. Wow that place does not cease to amaze me in how much better it looks over the older Best Buys. My hopes and dreams would be destroyed when the fridge dimensions shown in the fridge that is so wonderful would turn out wrong. Ug, I feel as if I am not ever going to find the right side by side. I mean, everything appears to be coming up about .25 or so inches too big or bigger. There has to be a way to increase the size of the space, however it will take some looking into. Ah, an excuse to re-visit our home!
So besides that, we looked at TV again. There was not anything else there that we already had not seen, so from there we returned to my pad, and after staying in her car for about two minutes, I came inside and ended up passing out on my bed.
I was woken a few times as I was napping, and one of the things that went on was Jen asking whether or not any part of me wanted things to work out between us. At least, I think she asked that. She could have asked if I would be so kind as to eat my neighbors and pretend to be a dog for a few weeks and it would not surprise me, I was pretty much out of it. hEhEhE!! Seriously, thought, she had asked something on the lines of me seeing her in my future. I had to think about it for a while (in my defense, JOHD, I had to use the same to remember my name). I noted to her that I did. This is where the concern kicked in, for her reply was on the lines of her behavior being parallel to her thinking that I really did not want to be with her. What really bothered me, was that it is like she has acted out and been the meaner ways that she was solely due to me giving the impression that I was not planning on being with her. This type of behavior, to me, looks exactly like someone who is more wrapped up with their own self as opposed to who they claimed they love. I mean, if I am not planning to be with her, then why should she be nice to me at all? Answer to that would be, because it really is love and not anything else, and that love is what prevents the not nice behavior from generally happening. Also, part of the confusion, is that when you want to be with someone, and it seems they might have thoughts otherwise, does it not seem more logical to work MORE on positive behavior? Hmm... maybe I dreamed this...
hEhEhE, okay, maybe not, and it is something I am sure I will wonder about for a while, however something I know I did not dream is her watching me do my entry for yesterday. Jen is preaching on about things how I am telling you that I love her for all of her, including all of her moodiness. She also made a crack I told you that I went off and snuck to the ring section of K’s when we were there. She thinks she is witty... and for some reason, thinks the fact I smiled rather large it was some form of acknowledgment of my enjoyment of her wittiness. hEhEhE, okay, there are times that she gets a smirk due to her wit. I guess I must be rubbing off on her :D
So I had woke up in time to get my entry in, and I took off after it to see dITZ, who I had made plans with. For whatever reason, beyond me, I ended up going to her house. I say this because there is no reason that I should go to her place, as we hang out at Gem’s place most of the time. So, my ability to make it exactly before midnight, would fail, but at least, I made it to her place before the clock struck 0000!! Master of Maddness, signing off......