September 27th, 2006


Racer X

Madd's Log, Maddate 060926.27:
-0000,over to Jen/O
-JOHD entry distractions
-not ready for bed
-1030,little X appointment
-Jen/O arrives
-146 BPM!
-KFC: caffeine
-return pad
-FFXI/pc: two colors down, 3 to go! \ trek back towards mission
-ready for day
-1330,work: 45 min OT \ 1.25 HR released \ expensive parking
-echat Melissa
-echat dITZ
-Raine: gmail setup
-TXT Jess

So on my way over to Jen’s place, going through VM, Jess had left me a message.  She asked if it was okay to call me.  She had left a message, around 2302 or so, and it went on how she was sorry and how everything I said was right (I do not agree that calling her a fucking whore was right, but whatever), and how she has been going through bad times at home because her husband won’t as much as touch her and all this other stuff.  She noted it was not an excuse BUT... yes, that was her word.  I really do not feel sorry for her, despite the fact I still love her and want her to be well, the one thing I will not tolerate from any human (child pending) is being told how much someone cares to break such a big promise to me like that.  Oh yeah, at the end she made a reference to noticing things different, or something, with my house and Jen.  Now, I am not exactly sure what that means, for as of this time I have no clue what I have said about Jen and myself living together.  I will say, she is in no grounds what-so-ever to be bringing up how sad she could be about things progressing with Jen and I (which is was not said, it is only noted the fact she brought up the “change”).  Actually, living together is a great idea almost anyway you look at it.  Jen is going to require a decent place to live, and having someone around to help cook, clean, and pay bills means better living for me.  The only drawback is that it will be more difficult to get away from her if required, hEhEhE!!  I mean, yes, it is most certainly my house, however, it is OUR home.

JOHD, Jen is such a fucking psycho.  I am sitting here attempting to get yesterday’s entry, and she is making goof ass faces and saying crazy shit and being a nut.  Better than being a bitch, hahaha!!  Oh yeah, and check out those big fucking titties, man!!  Lunch is up, and the entire city can sleep on a full stomach off these babies!

So since my body was so not going to go to bed before 0200, I decided to play solitaire on my phone until that time came to help get me into sleep mode.  Jen, poking her head between my shoulders like a cat attempting to get into your lap, was not helping.  hEhEhE!!  She is such a nut... the kind that I would otherwise be, however, just have to stop doing because any minute I forget and be playful, I know what will happen.

Speaking of Jen, she has this thing of calling me when I am dropping the kids off at the pool.  I tell you, it is like clock work.  I just want to play some cards and discard some troops, man!  So I took off for the appointment, and actually got there before Jen.  How cool am I?  The appointment went well, in that the heartbeat was easy to find.  Someone was pretty active, as little X was moving around!  You could tell because she would get a spot, then it would start to fade, then she would move a little, and find him again, and then some times it would get even louder as he moved.  He was clocked in at 146 BPM, and I was able to get an audio sample.  This is his first recorded heartbeat (second time heard).  I cannot wait to process it!

So after stopping at KFC, I went back to my pad to get things ready to go to work.  I was SO happy on my journey back to Bastok, as on the way I ran across two more weather conditions, satisfying blue (rain) and red (heat), leaving me less than half way done!  I only have three more damn colors to deal with, even though, two of them, I think, I have not ever experienced before playing.  I am going to have to trek to places where people like me die instantly... good thing I have sneak and invisibility, SUCKERS!!  Who’s your butch now, bitch?

Well, imagine OT being released after working 15 minutes of it.  It was more time for me to write... except that I came across Melissa and chatted with her.  She had posted a few things in my forum, and I was attempting to gmail with her, to the point I thought installing firefox would help.  Well, it did not.  Melissa felt hurt that in an example of post view counting I had not included her.  I am sure that I did it because when I made that post I had not been hearing much from her.  Another human casualty of me being my unfortunate self.  I apologized, as it was not my intention, especially with the fact, minus me, she has the most posts on the board, possibly including all the other people combined.  It does make me sad, however, that the one who uses my board the most seems to dislike it the most.  Maybe most people do and just do not say anything to hurt my feelings.  She could be the only real person who is up and straight out open and critical with what she thinks (she notes it is too dark).  I just put so much hard effort into all this... and at one point I got so much more in return.  My friends were interacting, Gretl and Gizmo and Zy and a few others.  For some reason, it all just died out.  It is cool and makes me happy that dITZ has been posting more, and even Jen has.  It was nice to have Melissa making some noise also.

Sony, unfortunately, in their asinine attempt to control earth, did not have the software on-line for me to download to make Zim work.  See, the software program, as far as I know, really only works if you have the hardware to back it up with.  It is not like the palm desktop that could be used stand alone.  Despite this, all they have are flipping updates.  What a bunch of sucktards.  HAHAHA!!  Shit that was funny, I looked up suggested spelling for “sucktards” and it came up with “fucktards”.  That was funny.  Sony is not.

I get a lot of calls for people who note they are handicapped, and you know, I cannot help think that these people are the same ones who bitch and scream how they want to be equal and treated as such.  More notes about customers, WHY IN THE HELL WHEN SOMEONE CALLED “CATHY” CALLS IN, I SPELL IT “C” AND SHE STARTS WITH “K”, AND EVERY TIME I SPELL “K” IT STARTS WITH “C”?  ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!  That so drives me up a wall!  I mean, without fail, when a customer calls in with that name I have that problem.  Also note, when I ask your fucking name, it is not “I have no dial tone”.  Also, when I ask your name, it is not fucking, “I am calling for...”.  I also do not care, for the life of me, that your service WAS working earlier, because NO FUCKING SHIT.  You, at some point you DID have dial tone.  Just like, at some point, my grandmother WAS alive, then she was dead.  Same for my grandfather, and Sparky’s brother, and about a few trillion people on earth.  At some point, something was working, then it stopped.  Just because you JUST bought your phone does not mean that the piece of shit is not broke, and if you paid $400 for a phone, THAT IN ITSELF shows how much of a fucking moron you are.  If it took you 20 minutes to get to a person, when all I have to do is say “number”, “yes”, “repair”, “phone line”, then that shows even more how much of an absolute retarded idiot you are, so screaming and yelling about it only proves the point your EGO defenses are having to work overtime to protect your already weak and pathetic existence from understanding just how much you deserve a Darwin award.  YAY!!  OT to soon be gone for a while, hAhahAhA!!  Actually, JOHD, the customers are not that bad, for absolutely no known reason I wanted to blurt that out.  You are my fucking journal, DEAL WITH IT.  Oh, speaking of dealing with it, I am very sorry that I played around with you yesterday and some how removed the counter that Melissa has been more than kind to help out with multiple times.  Wait, WHO is the computer programmer again?  hAhAhA!!  Madd, you should give your diplomia to her, she is smarter than you!  Aw, Madd, I’m sorry, don’t cry, here, have some zeros and ones.


Oh, as you and dITZ were chatting, well, you to her at least, she brought up a point well beyond my thinking about the house cable.  See, I say cable even though I do not mean cable, since Mediacom eats ass nuggets... in fact, they just forces Word to auto capitalize!  Bastards!  Anyway, besides the fact they are invading my computer, I just do not like them, and was planning on something like DirectTV (since billed through Qwest gives me even more discount), and that they would run their own wiring.  Pay dirt for Maddness!

Well, the day was... eh, strange.  I had this funny lethargic feeling throughout a good portion of the work day.  I think it is physical, however not sure.  I keep having this really strange feeling in my right rib.  If I was Jen, I would say something was inside of me making things uncomfortably.  However, I am not, and am not able to say that is the case.  It feels like the end of my rib cage is wanting to collapse into itself, or it is holding something from flying out.  Strange thing is, I really am not sure which one it is.

Have I mentioned how blissful it is to NOT have continuous queue going on?  JOHD, I want that documented.  Oh, it already is?  Oh, you mean the second I did it for you are a journal and everything I tell you is permanently documented, until I accidentally highlight a few months and push backspace and accidentally save over it.  Oh, cool beans! 

Well, Jen’s attempts at Fifth Dimensional Thinking may not be AS powerful as originally thought, as I have decided to retract my goodbye from Jess.  I only say this because despite her best efforts, I know that Jen would love nothing more than for things to totally be over between Jess and I.  I know this, because I am damn good at knowing humans.  Well... I have a little more work on my own self, but other humans, I am really good at.  It is funny that at the turn of the day she had mentioned something regarding being sorry and referenced her and Dusty.  What really got set off in my brain (other than the fact she was acting high) was I thought of all the hostility (in a sense) she has had with the competition, Bevin, Jess, Renata, my mother, and you know (minus my mother who I was in her vagina from March 5th to December 9th) I have not been with any set person for... well, intimately, over a year, I think.  She gets all jealous and “unable to play nice” with some of these women (Jess), and wants the “I love you” and all that sweet stuff to simmer down, or upright die, and here she has been living with a guy she has been intimate with well over two years.  It is something I otherwise forget about until she reminds me of her jealous ways, or says things that she wants to believe, to be nice, but as noted, I simply know better.  So, Jess is not gone, as of now.  I would imagine it will turn out that I simply will stop trusting anything she says.  I have done more than my fair share of giving her a chance.  I have been guilted for stating what I knew was a truth, to later found out I was more than right.  If she wants me to ever trust her again, then she is going to have to walk up the LONG ASS ladder, as I am not allowing any short cuts.  She is going to have to stop the talk, and invoke the action, and she is going to have to figure that out on her own, because I have more than made it clear the many number of ways that it can be done.  If she has not been taking notes or sleeping through class, that is not my fault.

Yeah, and I loved how when Jen sent me a picture of the soon-to-be family food dispenser, that I get a thing that says “view larger picture”.  My fucking word, if it was any larger it would need its own area code.  That is the last thing I want, to keep track of yet another area code in Iowa.  hAhAhA!!  I am so damn funny!  :p Master of Maddness, signing off......

  • Current Mood
    lethargic lethargic