June 29th, 2006


Posting Delay - Please Read


At this specific, I want to inform friends, family, and complete strangers who are checking up for updates, that I plan to continue to talk to JOHD, however, until further notice, I shall not post these updates on-line until a time later, most likely next month.  I thank everyone for their patience, as I do realize a few of you REALLY look forward to my updates on my life.  Since most of the posts I speak of will already be done, it should capture the actual moment, and I will back date as otherwise there will be a flood of entries in your friend view.  Anyone who wants actual contact when this happens, when a large backdated posting spree is done, please comment to this entry, thank you!  Well, I think you will all be pleased when I continue, so for now, I leave you with a quote:

"Of all the things I have ever lost, I miss my mind the LEAST"

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100 Year Rule

Madd's Log, Maddate 060628.34:
-return pad
-FFXI/pc: supply quest w/ death
-not ready for bed
-ready for day
-bad thoughts
-loan hunting
-2300,BJ: 1 HR OT
-sing Devil Went to Jamaica: Larry/BJ request

So, I return home, and did a bit of running around in FFXI.  I ended up going home (San d’Oria) so that I could work on some supply quest in the forest.  I took a Chocobo to the middle of no where.  I realized I was most likely not going to make it back to the start of the forest, and I was right.  However, I was so incredibly close!  Narg!!

So I got up, did the day thing and all, and got ready for work.  So, as I am doing my teeth and on my way to my desk, my heart sinks into my chest as the thought of death, and complete blank nothing, and I am no more.  Lights out, game over.  I have pondered the thought before, because of simple curiosity.  This is more, and what is worse, to me in having this... fear, if you would, to me means disappointment to God.  There is no reason for me to feel the way I do, because of my belief in God.  From a logical standpoint, that should mean that I do not believe, otherwise there is no reason for me to feel the way I do.  This concerns me.  Also, note this time, unlike last, I am not breaking down and freaking out.  I think some of this all might have something to do with the recent death of my Grandmother.  Then, of all people, Oprah, comes on with this whole thing about our planet dying.  Stupid bitch should go back to eating food and giving shit away for tax breaks.

So yeah, all of a sudden, my world has changed, massively, and I have absolutely no clue what is wrong or what really caused it.  From this, however, I got a strange determination to get me a house, and get out of my apartment, so, I did end up going to Lendtree.com and started the process of getting pre-approved for a home loan.

So I got to the bar, in my strange “in 100 years we are all going to die anyway” state.  There was not much to interact with as Jen was running late, which was no problem with me.  The first song I put in was for Larry to simply pick a song, and he did end up doing so.

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