June 28th, 2006


Pretty Hairy Sunshine

Madd's Log, Maddate 060627.27:
-Jen/O waiting
-Ericka/T, Terri/Er pool playing
-hand own ass three separate times
-Jen/O outburst
-Jen/O compensation in parking lot
-return pad
-Jen/O argument: I do nothing to show she is special \ wants affection if only for 1 – 2 of “fake” affection
-Jen/O leaves
-not ready for bed
-FFXI/pc: WHM27 \ exp party \ 8+ hr of play
-Granite City: meet Jen/O, Dusty/J

So I showed up at Tanner’s.  Said hi to Joe/T, who noted they no longer are doing karaoke.  Well, it took a while for that to sink in, and also took the help of Jen for me to realize.  My game of pool... was the most horrible I could ever remember.  Not only did I not make the majority of my shots, I made the eight three times... in the wrong pocket.  {sigh}

At some point as I was attempting to fix up a piece of pizza given to me, Jen decided to grab across and snag a piece of pepperoni.  At first it was all play like, however, she really started to get into it.  {sigh} Just another one of those arguments that is getting way to common.  It is really starting to get old, and I tell ya JOHD, when you figure out the reason I have not up and told her to quit going to the places that I hang, you please let me know.

Well, to that, it is even more important to note a definite change in behavior.  She came up to me, apologetic, and grasped me.  So a nice change from continuous argument.  I ended up letting go at some point, and asked if we were done hugging, and she replied, “I’m not.”  hEhEhE... then, eventually I either had to sit down or fall over due to my knees giving out.  {sigh} Stupid knees.  Guess I better work on getting them BOTH back to normal now.  So while sitting in my car, she sat there, and stared at me, with that... grin thing she does, hEhEhE!!  My fucking word, is there any way to counter that damn thing?  I mean... she already has this pretty face staring at you, and follows it with this look.  She made reference to me attempting to resist, which I was in no way able to do.  hEhEhE!!  How could I?  Well, I *did* ask you to tell me the reason I have not stopped hanging with her as much, and well, you did give me a darn good reason.

So we headed home.  She was tired and went to sleep.  I played FFXI... and did so for a LONG time.  Well, I ended up playing well beyond what I expected.  Now, I had originally made a comment when she said she was coming over, that I was going to lock her out and she was going to sleep outside my door.  As she chose to come over, when she got up around 0600 or so, and told me to please turn it down, I made reference to that.  You know JOHD, this is something I am notorious for, and you of all people know this.  Um... wait a second, you’re not a person.  Well, never mind that comment.  Well anyway, she... up and exploded.  It got so bad, that for the first time I know, I told someone to get the fuck out of my place.  I am not going to put up with this childish bullshit anymore, I just do not deserve it.  Sick, and tired.  Tired, and sick.  Well... she did not get very far before we got to the “let’s attempt to see what is really wrong phase.”

I do nothing to show she is special.  Hmm... that is strange, I remember doing a good amount of things to show she is special.  A good possibility that I do not do as many things any more is for that very fact, that I do something and when the arguments come, those things turn into nothing in the heat of battle.  She also talked about the deal with wanting affection, if only 1 - 2 hours at a time, by random people.  She wants that feeling of being special to someone, even if it is not real.  Yes, JOHD, we all know how I feel about that, in fact, we talked about it when I asked her the hypothetical question, which would she rather have for life, being told things that she is special or only shown things.  She chose to hear it while I chose to be shown it.  She does show a lot of things that back up the fact she is in love with me.  Hmm... yet another reason I asked you to give me that I stick around, JOHD.  Hey, you are pretty good at this!  That, of course, is the reason I cherish seeing when she does prove it.  Her action at the bar afterwards was a good show.

That, was another thing we talked about.  It really hit her hard when she gave all that affection and I did not show hardly any back.  Well, I am upset, and that is how I deal with things.  I want my time to cool down.  Now what she does is similar to waiting to eat hot soup (in this case, a hot head).  I can sit there and simply wait.  Over time, unless I am in AZ during BBQ season, it will cool down to where it does not burn when you touch it.  Or, I can blow it... oh wait, that’s more a female function, haha.  I can, as mother use to say, poose on it.  Is that even a word?  Word says it is not a word, however, I could care less about Bill Gates.  Well anyway, so yeah, that is my analogy.  That is how I have observed myself over the years.

So, almost the entire day, or at least a work day’s worth of time, I played FFXI, and wow was that enjoyable.  My phone only rang towards the end of the night when Jen was checking on me.  It is nice, time to time, to just get almost no calls at all.  I was able to join a party, made some really cool friends, and even went up two levels, how great is that?  All my worldly problems were taken care of with the greatest of ease... well, were forgotten.  I was spending some good time making sure everyone was still alive.

So late in the night I decided to go out to eat with Jen.  She wanted to go to Granite City.  Seeing as how that was all that was open, that was the only choice we had that was not fast food, it was not much of a problem.  I really enjoyed those chicken quesadilla very much so.  Wow that was good food, more so than my main course.

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