June 17th, 2006


Alice Kroeger R.I.P.

Madd Martin's Log, supplemental:

Hi God. Today at about 1000 you ended up taking Grandma Kroeger from this mortal world, to be up by Your side. I think it... well, I do not have a word, for the fact I was going to go to Clinton today to go see her, and she is gone before I can make it up. You would know better than I. I have stopped crying, for now, even though I realize it is going to happen here and there for some time now. Know that when I was complaining about not having time off from work, that this was not one of the solutions I was looking for. Hmm... a silence over the crowd. Well, sorry Lord, my humor may be off key for a while. I am not bitter, of course, knowing everything in existence, You already know this. Being a dumb human I think it necessary to not only tell You things that you already know, but can simple read straight from my brain... before I even realize I am going to think it. How cool a trick is that?

Grandma had not been well, being very weak from not eating. I believe the cancer in the lungs may not be the total reason for this, as that was only diagnosed a while back and she had this for a while. Of course, other than You, who really knows. Some point after composing myself, talking to father, talking to mother, dropping the kids off, I ran across what I believe are the first electronic documented recordings of JOHD. I did not realize I had them, as they were in the "school" directory. I actually know the very first time I realized I loved Kit. How more strange is that? There were a lot of things that I noted and said back then. It looks strange to me now. I was such an unhappy person back then.

Well, it seems my ability to go far from a tangent has not changed. So God, I am going to have some time from work. I ask of you to help this time go well. Give me the strength and power of Your love. Tell Grandma that I was going to see her today... and I am sorry that I did not make it. However, some day, I plan to make the trip to see her again. Maybe on the way to Clinton... maybe... hang on a second. Ok, sorry, maybe some time before my first kid is born, or maybe some time after my great grand child is born. Maybe even after my great-great grand child is born. Only You know, God, so, let her know, I will still come to see her some day. Hopefully no time soon, so, just so You do not misunderstand my words... haha, there I go again, talking like the silly human I am, as if You could misunderstand anything.

I love you grandma! I am at least happy you are in a better place. I may be crying as I say it, however do not let that confuse the fact that I am confident that God has you now, and there is no better place in existence to be than in the direct presence of the Lord. Per your final request, I shall be sure to get some decent clothes for the upcoming funeral. Feel honored, I am going to be wearing something that is not Floyd! :) Love you much, say hello to Grandpa for me.
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