June 8th, 2006

ATHF Plutonians

Broken Meter Gallery

Madd's Log, Maddate 060607.37:
-0000,return pad
-Raine: photo browsing
-not ready for bed
-fight alarm
-ready for morning
-1130,work: broken meter
-pop Jess: hurt calls so many times and does not get call back \ note seems more like jealousy issue that Jen/O gets calls \ notes it seems I care more than her \ noted that I have not said I love Jen/O \ says understands my problem (yet I wonder to what degree) \ how during arguments does not tell me “I love you” because I already know (note she tells me in general yet I already know) \ goes into how wrong again \ talk about how was not going to bring feelings up to the table (avoidance) \ hurt over lie said about her from last night \ thinks should stop being compassionate because only gets treated like shit in return \ “if I cant get the same in return, then fuck them all” \ thought Jen/O not told love comment was to feel sorry for her at first \
-busy work
-fun with Monica/Q \ union steward
-2200,BJ: 1 hr OT \ dITZ, Gem, Donovan waiting
-txt Shelly
-Jen/O arrives
-sing Hotel California
-Donavon’s new interest :)
-sing Time

So, I returned home, and did some things with Raine.  I got stuck on photo bucket, checking out pictures, as there are some interesting ones there.  I went past my bedtime, imagine that, and luckily Raine was on full load running batteries, so it was not too much longer until I got a warning low battery that ended the night... well... not before I choked the chicken first, hehe. 

This would translate into me fighting my alarm.  How predictable is that?  Very.  Well, it finally came to an end, and at least, it was on purpose.  It lasted for 161 straight days, and now, Hearts/360 is removed from the game queue.  So I had played once a day, at least, if not more, for a straight 161 days.  So I decided since I have all the achievements that it was time to knock it down.  I am glad this was voluntary as opposed to me forgetting.  It usually pains me when I forget things.

So getting to work I took over a spot where the meter was broke.  I took a picture of it to ensure that if someone attempted to give me a ticket, I had proof.

The chat with Jess... it did start out with her being hurt about how many times she calls and does not get callbacks herself.  She started mentioning about Jen getting a bunch of calls, despite what she was talking about was not actually happening.  With that she noted it seemed I cared more for Jen than Jess.  I noted to Jess that I tell her I love her daily, and that I had not ever told Jen, and that fact hurts Jen.  Well, Jess took that at first as me attempting to make Jess feel sorry for Jen.  I am so fucking going to rename these fuckers.  JOHD you know how difficult it is for me to keep the general names Jess and Jen apart when attempting to talk about them?  Narg!!  Well, of course with calling, that brings back the whole understanding of my mental... block?  Problem?  Issue?  Mental disorder?  In accordance to the DSM IV, I would have to say mental disorder is the proper term, as most of the things in there are either classified as mental disorder or physical disability.  I think it is physical disability.  One piece of logic she brought up that did not stand clear with me is she said, in me noting I say I love her during arguments, that she always knows this, and it is not necessary.  Yet, she tells me many other times that she loves me.  This makes no sense.  Then, at some point, this boils down to her going into how she is wrong yet again, as if someone was keeping score.  It seems to me an easy way to get towards the end.  “Well fine, I am just wrong as usual.” {next subject}.  Again she talked about how she was not going to bring up her feelings to the table.  The fact she does bring it up is good... the fact she keeps saying she is not going to anymore... has a sort of ironic humor.  She ranted on that if she is not going to get any compassion that she was going to stop giving it out altogether.  I realize what she was saying was in pain, however, if she ended up doing that, then she would in a sense “become one of them” and would end up doing the same to someone else eventually down the road.  It is like attempting to get rid of vampirism.  Drac has it, he bites someone fighting against him, and that person turns out biting someone, with Drac still around, and so on until there is this huge mass of vampires out biting people.  Oh sure, this situation is different in that I would stop by with my kick ass fucking hair due, and I would round house chop them in the face, and punch them in the ovary.  I would then use my Tetris skills and make silver blocks smash and crush them.  However, that does not apply to this here.  Or does it?

So there were a lot of things on her mind due to the lies about her being spread around.  Some guy bragging about things he wishes.  However it was great to chat with her still.  I realized she was having problems, and it is nice that she can know to still let out with me.  The majority of the day dealt with being busy, and that sucked, as it normally does when it is busy.  I just want to do my personal work that I am not suppose to be doing at work, is that too hard to ask for?

I got to joke around with Monica/Q who thinks I should join the union.  I told her if she really wanted me to, that she should become president, and then I would.  She said if she was president, I would have to be chief steward.  Even though I am not in the union, I quote the contract and find information rather well.  She goes on how I enjoy the pay and everything I have now, however, the current union is not who is really providing that, it is the old union that use to be around.  The current union has messed up our pay and a bunch of other things for some time now.

So I headed to BJ where Shell started to txt me.  It seems she has been doing that a lot lately, which is strange.  Enjoyable, yes, just uncharacteristic of her.  She asks questions like if I think she is sexy (a few days ago) and this time she asked if I missed her.  I told her that I have thought about her from time to time, and she said she does miss me.  At BJ, I asked if she missed me kissing her, of which she kited it saying she is not a good kisser.  So I asked her again, and got, “Ok that  is all  I  can give u”.  hEhEhE!!  Yeah, does not take a genius to translate that one.  Shell is not very good at hiding information from people that she does not want you to know.  She reads rather well.  Oh well, so she is not much for kissing, I know she enjoys my finger, hEhEhE!!  Oh so evil /T.

So the small group was already there, and Jen arrived a little bit later.  I spent a good amount of time getting you ready for posting.  This took up time well into 2300.  Some point shortly after I was done, an interesting thing happened.  Donovan turned to me and asked me if Jen and I were friends or more than that.  My answer turned out to be, “if you have sex with her, take pictures”, which I translated to if he wanted to he was fine as she was not “mine to own”.  Well, that is paraphrasing.  From there, he started to hit on her hard core.

So the days recap.  I would so kick the fuck out of any invading army of vampires.  Some people have some big fucking tits and the internet is the best place in existence to find them.  If you are going to talk about how someone wants to give you head and you denied them and it never happened, make sure you live about 9 states away from them and their wrath.  Shelly is a strange human.  Small groups are fun when someone wants to fuck your friend!  Master of Maddness, signing off......

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