September 14th, 2005

ani-MaddFair 2004

Madd's Log, Maddate 050913.28

-0000,return pad
-TV/phone time
-not ready for bed
-ready for day
-rain rain rain
-LL not in :(
-1430,work: OT
-pop Jess
-pop Whatever/Q
-pop Mark/Q
-lunch: AWDS/ds
-break: AWDS/ds
-slow work night

Well, I decided, instead of attempting to catch up by not keeping current, I would keep current and slowly catch up that way.  This was something I was planning on doing a few days earlier, however, I kinda spaced it off.  Hahaha, yeah, imagine me doing that.  I was on the phone with Kitten for a good 43 min, and afterwards decided to go to bed early.  I had noticed that MJ had written me a note on AIM.  Well, I guess this means that she has not up and deleted everything off her list, that, or she just really wanted to inform me that she heard Numb and was thinking of me and wondered how I was doing.  It makes no sense, to me, to have her go on and on about how it has been a while, and we are so different, and it is like we are strangers.  Well, at one point that did not stop her from chatting with me, now did it.  I tell you, the excuses that humans pull is just amazing.  I guess if things had not gone the way they did between us in the past, I would not really care as much.  However, when I put as much emotion into what I did, just to get the response I did... yeah, I can tell you what the real issue was.  She up and found herself a man, and that means, fuck all the smaller people.  I serve the purpose for many, to relieve boredom, as I appear to be rather proficient at it.  I think the same thing happened between many, such as Starr, Biker Babe, and a few others.  Melissa and Gretl?  Hmm... no, I do believe that is a whole different sport.

So, I went to bed, and I woke up, darn early, haha!  What was the first thing I did?  Damn straight I did... AWDS/ds was calling my ass, and I took the call.  I tell ya, it really sucked ass, as I was at the black mine thing with the satellite, and there was a count down timer.  So check this out... I get 3 armies, all dual CO, and have to launch missiles out to stop the satellite from reaching 0 time, when I lose.  Well, by the time it made it to blue army two, I had 3 seconds, and sure enough, unable to click the guy to hit the silo, and he is RIGHT NEXT TO IT.  hAhAhA!!  Oh well... I got my damn revenge, then, I pooped!  In fact, I got to read about my revenge while I was dropping the kids off, so, fun for Madd. 

So, I spent a good 3-4 hours on that, and then proceeded to get the day out of the way.  I actually remembered to get ready to see LL for my packages, I am so excited!  It was raining, a bit hard, and that was uncool.  I mean, rain use to not bother me before I became an official water hazard.  I have enough electronics on me to power a small city.  What made things suck more, as many times over, LL was not in the office.  DAMNIT.  So, off to work to enjoy life, or something.

It was nice to find a parking spot, and nice that the rain was letting up.  So, I did my OT, and had my chats as usual.  Jess and I went on about a few things, and once again, I find the world of excuses in effect.  This time, the reason I do not get calls that much.  It was stated well I work so late, this and that, and it is like, hello, Myles calls me almost every day, and I have called her every day, minus like three days, knowing that she would many times not be there, as Myles knows I usually will not answer when he calls (as many times still asleep).  This is something I realize I had done many times over, just going on and on about excuses for all my behavior.  I just do my best to buckle down and just accept it.  I know I am flawed, I know I fuck up, and I know I want to work to correct it.  Ah, welcome to the psychology world.

So anyway, I am not sure where I am going, and I have forgotten where I have been, however, I do know that every dog has his day, until he strays to the Chinese place, in which case he becomes my lunch.  Yay lunch!  So, I have really worked hard, mentally, fighting and the like to make sure that I can maintain that which is myself, and JOHD, yeah, I cannot tell you how many times and a half I have stated this fact, however, I have no ever been the one to up and quit.  So... help me be the me that I have been for oh so long, my friend.  See you, on the Dark Side...

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