June 26th, 2004

ani-moo cow


Hmm... I was thinking, about, 6 clicks or so ago, which is a long time since I really am asleep and am not writting this, that I... could very easily be no longer living.  It was 2001, and it was September, and I was visiting my good friend in New York.  I had plans on staying past Monday, however, as things were, and how things went, I ended up leaving New York on Monday.  That would have been the 10th.  I wanted to stay.  I was going to stay.  In doing so, I was going to explore the WTC as my friend worked away.  I already had some great pictures and wondered around like a confused happy loon.  So I went home instead.  Then Iowa City Whore messaged me, claiming how happy she was that I was safe.  Safe... safe from what?  What in the world was she blabbing about?  Seems we were under attack.  Seems that the building that I would have gone to see, were destoryed.  Just like that... huge buildings knocked out of existance... and the Madd Martin who was not some where on the top floor figuring out what the Windows of the World and the like were.  Something inside me made me think of that as I was at Sparky's.  JOHD, I really am not sure what it was.  Maybe that my life can very easily be erased from current existance.  I mean, going to work this waking day I come to the 14th str light and some thing runs the red light.  Had I been... well, 1 to 4 seconds faster out of my door, I can assure you that an ER visit would have been the least of my concerns.  Maybe a coma... maybe death, whoever it was driving thru the red light was doing so at an estimated 50 or so MPH.  Yeah, I could have survived.  I know Alex would not have.  He would have been murdered, and one way or another, I would have missed work, instead being sent to the ER, or worse.

One second away.  That was all... and a plane ride back from New York on Sept 10th, 2001, a Monday.  Hmm... pretty lucky for one who believes not in luck.  Or maybe it is something else.  A child that is not mine... friends close to gone who are not.  I would say... some one is looking out after me, or better yet, some One.  I thank thee for the look out.  I guess I take many things for granted.  Every time a person turns on me, I think it is shown more and more just how much I do so.  So I thank thee now.  Many bad things could have happened in my life that would make my life absolutely horrid to live.  I would be like all of them.  The people that do nothing more than bitch about their life.  Their job (which is never as bad as advertised), and their relationships (that could go many times worse, and for the most part are bad due to something they did in the first place), their finances (that could easily be them living with no house, car, or food even though they are not), their... everything.

God, You have blessed and looked out after me.  While strange, some times bizzare things, have happened in my life, and in the past I have gotten miffed, if not more about it, there is so much more that could have happened, or that I avoided, or... well.  Just so much.  Thank you, Lord, for the guidance.  I know some of the life lessons have been... extrmely difficult.  I know I still live an off life that can easily be changed in many ways, and I have far to go.  Luckily, even when the closest of friends could abandon me, I know that You (and Floyd) shall always be there, to take care of me.  I am thankful for that, and I am thankful for You
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