April 13th, 2004

ani-moo cow

The Dark Fever of Floyd

The illegal marjawanna is slowly seeping into my veins.  Or, maybe, just maybe, it is the Bud Light... or it could be the vodka shots CHASED by beer.  It is diffiuclt to say, as I am here at Sparky.  Wow, I figured that 2003 was going to be the most "interesting" year ever.  However... 2004 seems to be more of that soap opera workings of art that I keep hearing about.

"You Say Goodbye, I say Hello"

The most bizzare thing has happened.  Per the request of another human, an email was sent stating goodbye

"we inturrupt this thought with FLOYD"

... when I was a child, I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons...

Now I've got that feeling once again, I can't explain, you would not understand, this is not how I am.
IiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIiiiiiiiiihave become combfortably numb.

Iii ii have become comfortably numb.

Okay, okay okay... just a little pin prink.
There'll be no more Aahhhhhhhhh ah ahhhhhh
but you may feel a little sick
Can you stand up, stand up... I do believe it's working.... GoooOood.
That'll keep ya going through the show,
Com'on it's time to go.

Ah, Sparky, that was yummy.

Now the strange thing is, that while humans have said goodbye to me before, this was one signed "a la Madd", meaning, it was not a human meaning of goodbye, but more the family adapted meaning of goodbye.  To me, when you say goodbye to a human, you are leaving their Reality.  There are no plans to see or keep in continuity this human.  I believe I have said goodbye to four humans in my life, of which one decided to attempt his way back, and I gave it a second shot.  I admit it is adversly strange that ever I hear anyone tell me goodbye by my own definition.  However, I know that anyone who wishes it, for any reason, well, I have no choice but to respect it, and that is what I shall do.  Respect the wishes of others, since I wish others to respect the wishes of me.

(cont 812p at work) God works in a most bizzare way.  Well... weird to the way of humans.  I am sure it all makes sense to Him.  However it still amazes me.  I am easily amused, so it is not like that is a big trick or anything.  So... let me get on with the crazy happenings of friend balance.  While I appear to have lost a friend, I seem to have gathered a few more, including what was thought to be a lost one.  Now, the story behind the lost one is rather... bizzare, and very Madd soap opera-ish.  It is best understood by going thru the past before looking into the present.

Enter Renata.  She was someone I met at Wal-Mart, and she was wearing a Floyd shirt, and I decided to buy said shirt off her back (literally) for $50.  That is how the friendship would start.  Our friendship would grow, and we would become close friends.  We would go through a lot together.  We would even have two sexually type encounters.  I would provide $977 in a loan to help out a finacial problem.  Then, she would dissapear.  Well, JOHD, I get the following email:


Finding you has not been easy. Hi Madd my name is Renata [last name]. I know
I know you, but I dont know from where or how. I assume I was close to you
cause I found a address book with your name and address circled in it. Ok I am
guessing by now that you must think I am crazy, so let me explain. A couple of
years ago I had an (event) will call it happen. The result was I forgot
several people from my past, amoung various other things. I have spent these past
few years trying to remeber who all the people in my address book are. I only
recently came across your name. All I had was Madd - Walnut - Des Moines Iowa.
Do I have the right person? I image you are wondering if I am crazy, but I want
to know about what I use to be like? My life had changed so much and everyone
I have found doesnt seem to want to tell me much. I was hopping you could
tell me how we know each other. Please forgive me for not knowing more but hard
as I try all I can remeber about your name is ' Dragon.' It is all that comes
to mind, no face, no house, nothing. PLEASE let me know if I have found the
right person. If not I am sorry I wasted your time. If I have found the right
person please let me know also. I appologize for the weirdness of this letter.

Renata [last name]


Now... this email was sent 4-4, so not April Fooliery going down.  It was in my junk mail account, and ALMOST got deleted, however, the title was Madds world, and not many spam bots use that as a title.  So on Wed 7th I repied that she indeed had the right person, and I figured it was the Renata that I thought, however, I could not see how she could forget who I was.  Some people, maybe, her... just did not click properly.  She ended up calling later that day, which I opt out of BJ, which was a good thing, since she calls and I talk to her and find out she went through some experience and ended up with a form of amnesia.  The really freaky thing?  She rememberd some things such as the dragon in Pink (remember the dragon is not the most important thing in the road), she ended up remembering Myles and dITZ, and all these other things, but she did could not picture who I was.  It took her checking out a picture until she would be flooded with emotion and realize who it was she forgotten.  I find it most interesting, in that a few of her current life beings are little philosophies that I would end up teaching her.  She lived the "Don't ask why questions" and other things all that time, which I presented to her and she picked up, yet, had no clue where it came from.  Even her love for FFVII and beyond came from me, and she did not know the entire time why she was so into the game.  She stated how it was really important to her that she figure out who I was, yet, she did not know why it was important.  As stated in her email, no recall of me what-so-ever, minus a dragon sticker.

Yeah, bizzare.  Well there is much more to this story I will go into later, for another face appears to have come back from the grave.  Starr... she gave me her cell number some time back.  Also, of late, I have run across a few really cool people on-line.  The pusher himself, Sparky, has returned when I thought for sure he was gone.  This was a case I was wrong, whoohoo!!  Yay for being wrong, even though he forces shots and weed on me I do not want, haha!  Crazy drunk toad...

The person lost is Melissa.  For some reason I do not feel overly sad about it.  It is unfortunate she decided to leave, however, she has her reasons, and God has His reasons for many things that happen, and there must be one for this.  Also, while we had been as close as we were, I always realized back when we first started to know of each other, that she had this capibility of her.  Unfortunately, I was correct.  More on that with the catch-up entry.

I think it is similar to the life pattern, however.  People die.  People we know and love die, and in the same time, people are born, or enter our life, and that is jsut the way God designs things.  Death and life, a balance.  I think my ability to see things this way make there little pain.  Or maybe there was so much pain already on that side of the court, that this was a slight release from it.  I am not sure, maybe God will tell me when I see Him.
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