October 10th, 2003


Larger than Penis

Wow... glad my penis does not, per ratio, grow as large as my foot when it swells, haha.

You know, JOHD, I think back to my childhood.  You were not around for my childhood, and I think it most likely a good thing.  I think of how insanely much I use to be picked on, in almost every way imaginable also.  It really bothered me... it bothered me that I was unable to defend myself against all the attacks.  Bullies, mean people... they all had their fun with me.  Jimmy... hmm... I ended up befriending him.  Oddly enough, I think he was one of the last bullies to threaten me.  I remember something about a tree-house, my tree-house that he said was his.  Yeah, other than that, JOHD... well... I cannot think back that far very well.

I think I start to understand what has made me such a hard ass of late... I think it is my way of defending myself to make up for all those years... and it does not appear to take much.  The Gretl issue, the email about control... and I think I can "lay the law" down so fine tuned (without much emotional recourse for possible penilty dealing) just because... well, I am standing up for myself.  Yeah... rather harshly, I might add.  Some times I only imagine how much it must suck to truly care for me when something has been done against me (or percieved as done against).

{yawn} Okay, my eyes are watering now, haha, time for bed am tired...