June 5th, 2003


Past Nap Time

Well... JOHD... I did it... I completed the first paper and most of the reading assignment required of me.

I am happy for this, even though it has taken a toll on my brain.

A rather few things have happened since the brush with Drain Bamage.  Most notibly, and most important, are my chats with God of late.  I sense that one of the things that made me crying uncontrollably would have been the tought of God not being in my life, a thought that goes beyond painful.  I found more strength in God than I have for some time now.  This is good, and makes me happy.

As expected, JOHD, a few people have indirectly commented to my post.  Of which, one replied of concern for our relationship together, as did another, and one replied in attempts to be a good friend, someone who popped up and visted me with... a gift, and a very excellent gift I might add.  Another, as I found, only took to one small part, and that part was regarding the human, and that human commented to the post... as I would expect someone in that situation to post.

I saw as expected, however, I did not expect it at the time.  All the possible replies, I really only had one thing in mind... myself and my existance.  Maybe that is two things?  As I stated JOHD, I have gone down the road of Drain Bamage once... a time in my life when I saw true instanity, insanity in a way I wish to *never* repeat again (aye, Madd said never), however, I started to.  I meant every word of what I said about existance, JOHD, because at one point it was brought to my attention that anything you believe can only be truth once you prove it wrong, and of course, that technically means that nothing could be a fact since you have to prove it wrong.  Eh... more into that later, that is something that shall be another long winded entry for another time.

So during class, we are talking about the concept of thinking things you think are right and giving the chance that it is wrong.  One female in the class, chuckling, stated that a person who was always self doubting in that way would go insane.  At that time, I would have loved for a copy of what I posted, but more importantly, a copy of what had gone in through my mind, to be displayed for all to see.  I assure you... some people would not have been able to handle it... I would not blame them, I had difficult enough time handling it.

My reading for tomorrow is incomplete.  Unfortunately, the lack of energy had its toll and I passed out on my bed with little energy to read.  Unfortunately, to read a book, no matter how well it is written, requires a certain amount of energy or nothing "sticks".  I was having that problem last waking night, before I decided to sleep, since I knew I was only going to end up reading things I would end up rereading to understand anyway.

So... on that note... I see the clock shows it is time for work.  Work... that is all I am about.

Oh, and a note to the humans out there.  With the exception of one post made by one human, I am not replying to anything you all write either in LJ or in email yet.  I appriciate the feedback on whatever it is you are sending me in email or comments, however, I really wish to be doing my school work.  Also, I am reading very little JL.  I am scanning to make sure no one has exploded or lost all of their family, and with one exception, I really am not responding to that.

June is going to be the month of hell, and hopefully this will be the last, when I am FINALLY free from school, after 10 years, and I will catch up.


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