January 19th, 2003


Ode de jEsS pArIzEk

Jess... I owe you a great apology.  It is greater than I can know to put in words.  I did get all of the information now, and that information tells Madd it is true... you did, at a first time, admit that talking about it was the best deal.  I think my love for Melissa can blind me, especially when it deals with someone she loves so much, and so dearly.  No, not Madd, but you.  In knowing that was your first response, I only ask that you can see your way as a human being to forgive Madd for anything he said or felt in the process.  In my mind, you wanted nothing more than to see us both seperate, but you really are looking out for the best interest of your friend.  Jess, realize that you may talk to me or what have you because I am the boyfriend of your best friend, but in my mind, I did not take you in because you are the best friend of my girlfriend.  I attempted to take you in because you were a unique Reality to humanity that I ran into.  Then we just got off to a bad start.  That start, known as the Mirror Effect, kept me from seeing you anything more than someone consided with your own self, including your best friend, since it means... oh crap my phone is ringing... yay dITZ made it home okay and is passing out now. So, since it means... um... ah... darn.  My brain stopped working with me.

I sew forgot what I was talking about now... sew, because of that, I am going to talk to you, JOHD, about... life.  Here I am, living it.  I would hope I am doing a rather decent job of it since I am still alive.  If I was doing bad, I would not be here to write, correct?  That is what I thought.  I actually can rememeber things before I was 9.  You know... when I was 9 is when I moved away from Clinton.  Parental units always claim that I always complained about living there, and maybe it was true... maybe I wished for something and got it.  The Reality remains, that they through me into a strange world, so here I sit, with no pants on.  {sigh} This is the point I should already be passed out, however, I am not.  Yet almost everyone is safe... everyone but the one who is most vunerable.  The only one of us all who is unable to defend herself.

JOHD, I have learned so much, yet, I feel I have forgotten more things than I have learned.  I should have this down better by now, what happened?  Maybe, just maybe... I drove the Big Wheel™ down the stairs one too many times when I was two.  Or, there is the classic, hand Madd a bottle of 7up, and later wonder where the crunching sound is coming from.  hEhEhE!!  ABSOlute classic, JOHD, absolute classic.  {sigh}

Humans life in the past.  Think of how many family reunoins we have been to, where it was all talk or retrospection of the past.  A darn lot of it, I tell you.

I realize why I like drink.  It is when my subconious comes out more and tells me what I really want to know.  I want to understand so much but fail to, and drinking leads me to that path, ironically, since I do not hold back.  See, I just farted, proof right there.  Something deep in the mind may hurt me, however, it can be logically looked at and taken care of.

Sleepy... only the mucis keeps me going now.  Not even the thought of where my brain may take me today can move me.  Nutbunnies... Jess wrote me some comments, and I am having issues pulling them up now... since... I think I decided not to go find my mind this time.  I am just going to let it run.  I had a dream... I think muppets were involed, but maybe not, there is a possibility I could have been spared.  I do know I had a dream about Shining in the Darkness, and I mean the originally, only seen again after then from the Saturn.  Wow, I was so surprised to see that.  JOHD, do you understand the reason I am on this planet?

A long time ago, some time in March, I was a "present" to a woman named Joni... Huetter.  She was graduating that year, and I was that present.  Oddly enough, someone thought otherwise.  One person's present is another's yelling about an abortion or death.  Funny how life does that.  Sew anyway, here I am.  Typing in front of you now, since, it is obviously destined to be by the power at be.  Yet, we almost have deja-vu hitting me in the ass, yet, it is not, since, I am not the same chap from long ago... and I sure as heck do not see life the way he does.  It think of all the times, and while sure, she may have been controlling, he never had to be.  His psyhotic behavior was one of a kind, and thankfully, I never let it be my norm.  I just wanna go to a Floyd concert, see the band look me in the eye, and die right in front of them.  JOHD, I have only had about 3 Floyd dreams in my times, and I think 2 if only one God related dream.

I keep asking Him, to help fill my head, but I think one of the top 10 block this from happening.  It is too bad, I think it would be something interseting to dream on.  I am tired, and there is no one to share my brain with this late at night.  I just want to twist some mentality... that is all...

I'm sorry, Madd, but I'm afraid I can't do that.  I miss Dr Madd... I think something attacked or ate him.  Most likely eaten the liver, that is the weakest point of any Maddiod.  I can see colours on your back, hahaha, you are next.

Hi... JOHD... I am actually here for this post.  Granted, I am not looking at the keys for the most part, however, it foes not mean that I do not het bu with a little help from my friends.  That almost made sense... almost.  Just don't wake up naked with no one but yourself, since that is always so discouraging.  JOHD... where are you hiding your beautiful self?  I shall come looking for you...

Inflamed Leg Hair

Riddle me this, JOHD, if you knew someone was murdering someone you loved, what would you do about it?  What if that someone being murdered was someone related to you?  What if that someone related to you was your child?  What would you do, JOHD, what would you do?


I am a bad, horid, evil parent.  I AM SUCH A LOSER!!  :`( Okay, well, maybe not a loser, but what parent in their RIGHT MIND could FORGET their child's birthday?  Alexander Lloyd... please forgive me for not celebrating your birthday as I should have.  I kept thinking about it, and knew it was this month, and kept thinking to ask JOHD about it, however, I did not, and as a result, I have forgotten your birthday.  As of Wednesday at 5:11:03 PM Alexander Lloyd Kroeger turned 1 year old.  As a token of my love for my child I am going to make time to CLEAN Alex both on the inside and out.  That is part one of my present.  THe other part I shall buy... because he is my baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaby, and I love him veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery much.  Yeah, no comments from the peanut gallery how I never gave birth to him


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