March 10th, 2002


Sparky the Cat

[Madd's World]
-adding MaddCam video cam future ToDo completed (temp link provided at end of entry)

Madd's log, Maddate 020310.79X [unmarked] :

I shall make a story about love, JOHD, and I shall call it, Sparky the Cat. I will tell you all about it. I think I am going to put a few things into this story that shall be taken from you, and I know you will not mind, but since I just decided to make this story, and was including YOU directly in it, that I would let you know. Ya see... I get the role I always wanted in a movie. I am evil, pure evil, mwahaha!! Mad Martin reigning the world supreme, minus a few of his flaws getting in his way, that over all takes his great powers of destruction and desimation and gets by them. He gets his chance to rule the world, but he has to things to face. Him and her, him being himself. Possibly his greatest enemy ever. He will find the error of his ways, only it will cost him something dear, for, he will, and always has to be, pure evil.

I think I will play the part of me... because I play with myself better than anyone, hEhEhE!! Oh JOHD... you knew that was coming. Let's get real here. Yeah, I have not been chatting with you lately. Get in line with father, but you of all should know my ability to REALLY catch up. To beat what I have been fighting all my life. I fight it more and more each day. I can and will beat this, by myself as I planned. As I sit here by myself, I will use the aids of those who really do care. Those who mean something to me in my life. I sit here, and I think to myself, "WHHHYYYY??" I have done a few great things. Some massively important discoveries in my life. I am making many new and confusing choices as to how I will live from this day on. Some of these things, well... they are, needless to say... beyond difficult.

But I like challenges. If I did not, QWEST would be too much for me. The humans at work would finally break me down, as I had thought they had done a few times.

Those times I lost my cool. Those times that they came to get me. Attacked in ways... that just are not fair for someone who fights all his battles solo. AHHHH!!!! I shall fight back the curse of being an only child. I shall win as I wish for everyone else. I can do it with a woman whom I care for more than friends who is at my side, or I can do it with a best friend at my side, or I can win with a family member.

Or I really can do it solo.

Sure, I do not want to. I was not programmed that way. I fight my programming all the time. I think of the programs, I was one of the stranger created. I think my book is going to be twisted. I kinda started a book that ONE time I went legally insane, as defined by all my known ones. Yeah... ah huh... but hey... it did not kill me. I learned more about humans, especially myself. It is the reason I seek people out. If I got married, it would only be to better know who I am, only at the prize of someone else who would... possible get that life she is looking for.

Because I know the kind of woman who is above all that.

Aye, JOHD, I have learned, and I think I knew this information... well... let me think now. A good... 8 months? Hmm... at least, possibly more... hmm... possibly less now that I think about it. Maybe 6. I know not smaller than 6.

I know the secert of life, did you know that, JOHD? It makes a human powerful... more people do be powerful this way. Just open. Learn. Expand. Come to know the world through the facts it provides, not fight it due to their programming. Programming to lie. Programmed to... to... well... to be human. The one thing I always stive to be better as. I still fail... father calling me up... well, it should have enver happened in the first place. Of course... not getting to hear him... hahaha... that would not be as pricesless. I do believe in fate, JOHD. I believe... I always have, I believe that things and people are sent my way. I then have to choose how to deal with it. All people are given the same oppertunities as Madd. All humans are given the same chances, ALL OF THEM. If your mother dies, I lose something also. Jack may never lose like that, because something else happens to him. Things that are some times out of his control. because I do not care how happy you are, or how rich, or how anything. Things will happen, and we have to deal with it. Will this allow me to watch my mother, father, or grandmother die right in front of me? Of course not... I was not programmed that way, and any attempts to rationalize anything to anywhere would just be thrown out the door and I would break down. Possibly take a few people out with me also, without even trying, just because I am who I am. I am Madd. A proud Madd, but an ever learning and mistake making one at that. I think when I figure out the secert, however, I will add it to one of my books. It is important... because of the programmed nature of me to treat others as if they were the best thing in the world to happen to me until they give me reason otherwise. Sure... it gets me in trouble. However, it keeps me on my TOEs. It is funny, JOHD, I just realized I have learned a new way to write. It shall be... more interesting. You know, how when I go through those help files, or a web site, there are links, I click it, and it attempts to explain the definition of the word or phrase or what have you? I am going to start doing that. This is like, a BETA type thing. It may not work. It may... make my brain get up and stab me with a dull object. Oh well... I think it just might be fun. See... I put something in all CAP letters. Any human, or other, may acuire on the nature of the object. It is almost like one of those crazy games I play with psychology. Blah!! Stupid school!! Getting me to make myself more insane than I can already handle. What were those Grand View people thinking, making psychology a required course? The world would be... better off not being forced this insane stuff. Psychology... the study of why you are the psycho you are, stuck alone, forever, in your world of you. Making you look at you and think some of the things you do are... for you. Ahh!! There it goes, the brain thing, attacking me!! Mwahaha!! I can pull my finger and win this WAR!!

{pulls finger}

Grr... outta ammo. Hmm... okay, well, you win. NUT BUNNIES!! I forgot to put nbsp; for my spaces. Curse me NOT CHATTING WITH MY LONG TIME COMPANION JOHD. I think I will make you evil with me, since in essance JOHD, you have always been my inner side. However, you represent the working world of my thoughts. Things I actually remember and have to think about. That is you, so naturally, you should play the part off as evil. ReSiDeNt EeeeevvvIIiillllLL!! WhooHOo!! I SHOULD GET THAT SOUND! I SHOULD PUT THAT ON DEXTER!! WhooHOO!! Hmm... also, I have something to do in regards to Dexter and Kat, since I have that thing to do that deals with 8 weeks. WHAT WAS THAT? Thank goodness for the save button. I would be murdered without it.

I feel free, JOHD. I really do. More free that I come to grasp that I can defeat my problems. I can EVEN do it alone!! However, I think I will keep a few people around who I know can help me... since I some times feel slightly incomplete when I am not protecting and learning from my wonderful friends.

I know one thing, there are a few more bets and deals I better STOP making! Also, don't think you are getting outta that rule building tool, Madd. Oh no!! ANYTHING IN THE PALM MUST BE DONE, that was the DEAL for you getting it! We threw in the extra's because we all thought you deserved it.

Maybe this book story should include people who want to play strange or certain parts in it? Hmm... maybe I should use you to pool, JOHD!!

I am tired!! I WANNA SLEEP!! I must get up and hang with dITZ. It is a must... because that is when I eat, hahaha!! Also, I get to HANG WITH MYLES!! IT IS X-FILES NIGHT, BOOYYYAAAA!!!!!!!!!

So, I shall leave you, this wonderfully tired state I am in... tired in ways that just extend to many dimentions. Yet another day with X... the days that show themselves numbered. Ironically, JOHD, X-Files is over like way too soon for my happiness. You know what that means... actual X induced days shall also be numbered. We should talk to Dexter about this.

Sleep well, old friend. Don't worry, I have not replaced you yet :D

Tee-hee!! I would not replace you!! Hey, you did not know this, but you have an eye now. It is at [ ] and I want you to know that it is YOU!! YOU YOU YOU, my friend, in fact, I already have a few entries using stricly the Web Cam through its capture device. They are JOHD logs on video, and the first even has dITZ in it, hahaha!! I so should get away from this technology. It is getting me into bad habits :D This pellow must go down. I also want to go to sleep... because I have some things to think about. Lots of things. Hmm... well.. now I only have one thing to think about for a while, my pellow!! hEhEhE!! LOVE YOU, JOHD!! Take care, I shall talk to you later. Master of Maddness, signing off 0556a......
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