December 27th, 2001


Life Dagger

     It seems that all is on my mind of late is you, dear friend.  If it is not you, then it is about my mind.  It is about my mentality, and where it strays me.  It seems the more I fight it, the more it haunts me.  Of late... I compare myself to this day to the Madd of long ago.  I seem to have lost a lot of my emotion that I once had.  I feel that being around the humans has tainted my well being to a corrupt state.  You know since we have known each other, that I have not been a quitter.  I have fought things, some times, to the bitter end.  I think often of up and quitting.  Just letting things go to waste... not fighting the pains that haunt me.  I am not sure what keeps me going.  Some days, I think I do fail.  It is noted in the times when things have happened, but I remember not what they are.  I think what pains me is that I fight to remember what I do from day to day just for the struggle to remember.  Then, it gets me down slightly when I am unable to remember.  Possibly, a sign that my mind is slipping away from me.  A mind that is suppose to possess such power is unable to do its most basic task; data storage.  The most powerful things that the mind can do are all in correlation to the storage of data.  I tire of even having to fight.  It grows weary that I must set reminders to remind me to check reminders that tell me to check reminding devices.  For someone who states the mind can bend the very fabrics of time, I sure do have a problem remembering what I had to eat 8 hours ago...