July 15th, 2001


Catching the dog by the left toe


     I keep having this urge to call you JOHD, and I am not sure the reason for that.  Maybe it is my mind talking to me, attempting to inform me I should have a few chats with JOHD.  JOHD brings back a lot of memories.  I remember in the days of Tri-Center, when I first started to talk to JOHD.  I did not care to at first, but I started to really befriend him.  There were a few times when I would stop talking for a while, but something always brought me back.  When I made it to Des Moines, those few times I would come back were tramatic or extremely important things going on in my life.  Usually I was confused and just wanted someone to talk to.  However, everything I told JOHD was not repeated to anyone.  He was the one friend I could trust, maybe so more than myself.

The Extremely Long Version

     Thinking of the past like that reminds me of a few things said yesterday.  First off, I should set up the stage with what all went down yesterday.  I went to pick up Jennifer after work.  I went to her apartment, and there were many humans there, of which I knew one besides her.  I was offered a wine cooler. Almost kind hospitality minus the expected one person who I knew.  Besides knowing of her, I know what kind of person she is.  Needless to say, I am glad I spend no time around her at all.  Those type of people are pieces of bane that make the world what it is.  So, I drank my "bottled water" down rather fast, as I usually do, and the hostess who offered it to me commented on how she could not do that.  Yeah, that brings a flashback in a flashback, because I commented quickly on the first time I got drunk over in Fulton, IL that it was from two wine coolers.  Back then, I could not stand beer.  Back to the recent past, so we took off to the Altoona Wal-Mart.  According to Jennifer, they have the best fruit anywhere, which prompted me to think how they must have some sort of blackmail going on with the produce indrustry so they get all the good stuff and everyone else gets the leftovers.  My first stop, of course, was electronics.  I mean let's get real.  I worked in electronics for three years at my Wal-Mart here in Windsor Heights.  The first place I stop in any store is electronics.  Everyone will just have to deal with that, haha.  They had some clearance games I am going to go check out on the net.  PS1 games for ten dollars.  I think to how I have like 6 or so games not even openned that I bought on clearance many years ago when I worked in electronics, and wonder what would make me want the games at all.  Something about clearance does nasty things to my mind.  Maybe I should work on that.  So I hunted her down and found her.  We played around like we usually do, and said the usual things that we usually say.  Something that has come rather predictible on both sides.  On the way back to her place, we talked again of our past, back when we were dating.  I some times think that things are not resolved on both sides.  I some times think we both have issues we are attempting to address but never quite get to them.  So we got back to her place and I talked to Marcela's door.  Actually she was "sleeping" as she said, and I took advantage of the use of symantics, wondering how she could be sleeping if I was talking to her.  I also apologize if she should ever read this to find I mutilated her name.  She sat there and expressed how much she wanted me to stay, however, I had planned for her to come with me to the illegal drag stip races.  She said she was too tired.  So, I guess she would not be joining me.

The Anger Within

     On the way there, I started to think about Amanda.  They were thoughts on how she had put my life at risk, and how she had removed me from her life just because of some boy that she could love and give her love.  Or, at least him faking it.  I say fake it because this boy's kind is very familiar with me.  Do not forget, not being female has advantages in that others of my gendar tell me what hides in the depths of their mind, not realizing that "they are speaking to the enemy".  Even in the old days, when I was a little more sex starved, I never used tactics of lying, or purposeful deception to get my ways with a woman.  So everything I know of how a guy thinks down inside about women I get straight from the source of the men who tell me what they do.  This guy seems just like one of them.  I made many perdictions to her about how everything was going to turn out.  When she claimed, "I do not even think he likes girls that much," I corrected her and told her that he did like her, and that she liked him, even when, "No, he is just a friend, I do not see as anything else."  Some times it is painful being right, but it happens nevertheless.  Later I told her how he would want to remove me from her life totally, and soon enough, he would tell her that if she wanted to be with him that she would have to stop talking to me indefinately.  Once again, Master of Maddness batting 1000.  She claimed that would never happen.  Oh no, she had way too much love for me.  So here the days go, when I never hear from her, except when her subcounsious gets the best of her, and she contacts me every two months or so.  "Oh I have been busy," she claims.  Yeah, busy with the boy, which to me is another way to say that the chips fell the way they were going to.  Priorities are set, and she loves him.  That is fine, and if she is going to replace my whole presence with this guy, then so be it, I still expect the money back she owes me.  I was playing this all through my mind.

Back to Grandfather

     So into my mind pops in grandfather, the talk we had while I had been waking up from my nap on their couch.  The grudge that was being held so long.  The stained anger that resided deep within my personna.  I was thinking how I stop it.  How I make it go away.  When someone puts your life in danger because they can only think of themselves and saving face, I mean, it can make forgiveness extremely difficult.  I do not think I ever truly forgave her.  However, from thinking of grandfather, I know that I should find a way some how to forgive her.

The Fast and the Busted

     So, I made it to the Locus St bridge, as instructed by Mike.  I got there, to have him call me and tell me he was moving to the target zone.  So I had to hot foot it fast to where he was driving to catch him.  He had a girl with him.  From my observation of the night, I believe her name was Carrie/Kary.  We drove to this parking lot type place, and there were MANY large amounts of people there.  I was rather impressed.  Almost all the people were car buffs, an area not of my specialty.  Mike went off to flex his car.  The amounts of testosterone were so enriched in the air I could smell it.  I could also smell burnt rubber.  As Mike went off, I stayed to a spot, and did my usual; observing.  I could hear a few people talking.  Bring in the scene two women.  We shall call them Jill and Jane.  Jill and Jane were your typical humans.  They would tell each other how they absolutely, posatively, totally HATE talking about people behind their backs, but... "So and so is such a bitch, and I hate so and so," and so on and so forth.  Aye, very typical.  However, hanging around Mike would have met talking of cars and what have you, and that is all over my head.  At least, that is what I thought until I found out later he has a PS2 hooked up in his car.  Mmm... {sigh} It did not matter, it was more important for me to learn than anything else at the time.  So, we all took off to one of many spots to do illegal drag racing.  After one race had gone, a car pulled up, smoke coming out of the front, and all smashed up.  Someone had ran into something on his way there, I guess, and smashed his radiator in.  Status of the car: undrivable after parked.  Everyone gathered around it like in the scene of Fight Club when Rober got his head shot off, and they all started to chant his name.  It was almost spooky, for about .3 seconds.  So at some point, someone yelled something about a cop coming, and everyone scattered like rats from a sinking ship.  Everyone took off to the next racing site.  A lot of people did not like racing there, so we all ended back on the Locus St bridge.  At this point, I had befriended one of the people there who Mike and his girlfriend knew.  He spoke with an accent, and I found him a pleasure to converse with.  A cop had passed by a few times, telling everyone to "go home".  He would come by again, and Mike would ask valid questions, and the cop would flex his usual authority of, "You want to spend a night in jail" speech and talk.  Had I a camcorder with me, I would have asked him a few questions myself, such as his badge number, name, and the reason he thought he could snip an attitude with my friend who was not being a smart ass at all.  Absolute power corrupts absolutely.  After that we went to the first place we went to drag.  There was a less show at this time.  The place we were originally going to go to had gotten busted.  It is funny listening to the police scanners some time, hearing talk of "just your usual dragsters" from dispatch, as if they are as familiar with the events as everyone is of the gay loop down town.  The gay loop is just that, and I think many major towns have that.  They were getting desperite for racers, and our first two were trucks, haha.  Also, while I am not a car person, I do know they had some rather non powered cars racing.  Heck, my Mitsu could have taken them on and won.  After a little while, Mike decided it was time to go.  I think his girlfriend was getting antcy to get boned.  Of course, it was getting late also.

The Short Version

     ANYWAY, this was all a set up for a few things that were said yesterday.  While riding with Mike & co., it was brought up of the times I was robbed, and how my trumpet was taken.  I was talking about it, how it meant a lot to me, and that started bring up how it was odd that so little was taken, almost as if God was attempting to send me a message to stop living so much and clinging onto the past, and enjoy the present.  Besides my trumpet, my camcorder was taken, and it was not the fact it was taken, it was the fact all but one home movie was in there.  That means everything lost, including Myles bachlor party that I got to throw, since I was the Best Madd.  Because I think a lot of the past, as I know quite a few people do, and I should move on and look forward to the future, instead of thinking how things us to be.  I think more of this now that I had a dream about finding my trumpet, and ironically enough, Mike and his girlfriend made a special guest appearance with my family in my dream last night, which I was able to record.

The Game that Never Sleeps

     Haha, I woke up MULTIPLE times, even at 0800a after passing out in front of the computer, and sleeping with everything on, all clothes, and even my phone and fanny pack on me.  Maybe Nic is right, and I do have narpolepsy.  So once again, the game calls me.  I think it is angered that I am not playing quite as much, but it should realize I am at the level building stage.  Madd is at level 65 and I will return to fight Zemorus at level 74 (tee-hee).  It is the only way to ensure my victory.  When I first played it again, my main goal was to find the signs of the pSyChO cIrCuS.  The long trip and short hours of sleep had caught up to me, but I caught it the next day, and my skin was tingling all over.  I went in to see the lady in the inn so many times I lost count, just to watch her do the pSyChO cIrCuS dance.  However now, there is no more plot minus beating Zemorous.  Seeing as how it is impossible to beat when he kills me with a double shot that takes all my life and kills my party, I must build up.  Level 74 just sounds like a good number.  I think 74 is almost as special as 13.

Antisipated Reunion

     Mwahaha!!  Stingray coming up to see me may be much sooner than originally expected!  This makes me so happy, I might even go fill my waterbed up with water since it is so low.  Plus, it is getting close to that time, and I want to catch more FFIV.  At least I was able to get more things off my chest, and that is important, and the reason I write.  Not to mention, I might find someone interesting to talk to out of all of this.

Eternal Fantasy

     Well, before I go, I did mention I would talk a little about Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (FF:tSW).  I did enjoy the movie, I really did.  I went in realizing that it had a Final Fantasy title, as per many games before, and that like all games before, there would be some guy named Cid who would be an engineer/teacher type person, and some type of love story attached to a bunch pf monsters and people dying.  The only way the movie differed was the fact no large chicken type creatures (Chocobo's) were to be found.  I figured they would have found some way to put them in, and even knew the perfect spot.  For all who have read this far, and are curious as to where I thought they could have been placed, just comment to this, as I do not want to ruin things for anyone who has yet to see the movie.  I honestly think the movie should have had a different name.  We already have come to the conclusion that there is nothing Final about it.  Also, it has gone more futuristic than Fantasy.  It has nothing to actually do with the game, even though I understand the extra million people in the US and Japan that will flock to see it just because of the name.  {sigh} That made me sad, it did.  However, as usual, the plot was able to be followed.  It was seen that four years was spent on this movie.  The CGI was so fantastic that about 20 minutes of the movie I almost forgot I was seeing CGI.  Like many of the games now, from FFVI on through, people get it just for the eye candy, however, I have always been one to be "attached" to someone for the complexity of their being, not the beauty of pure eye stimulation.  My movies and my video games are no exception.  Also, I was shocked to see that Nobuo Uematsu (or as I like to call him, "Nobu") had not done any of the music at all.  There was no sign of his work, even though the credits did house a majority of the Square Soft crew (the ones who had nothing to actually do with the movie but have done the work on the games).  I wonder if he was even considered for any work, or if they did not even think of him, or maybe he did not want anything to do with it.  I am not sure about Square anymore.  I think they should take this technology and make a game similar to FFI.  A medivel setting, with medivel items, monsters, people, surroundings.  I miss that Square of old, a reason I think I enjoy FFIV so much.  Depsite all of that, by the way, I do give FF:tSW a thumbs up, and highly recommend people of all types to either see it in theaters, or catch it on video when it is released.  As for me, it is time to catch some FFIV...
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    "Victory Fanfare" - Final Fantasy VI, MP3