Sep 14th, 2001
|01:52 - Kill Them All 1238a|
"STOP CALLING ME WARREN! MY NAME ISN'T FUCKING WARREN!"
Rage Release #1
I think of the Star Ship Enterprise. A ship of wonder. Many things had attempted to destroy it, but of course, it has shields, and makes it difficult to take out. However, if the ship was being attacked left and right by many enemy vessles, after a while, it's shields would fail. Mine have failed. I am beyond raged. I wanted that last caller to eat shit and die. I wanted her dead. The fact she DARED to even mention, indirectly, about the world trade center I wanted to reply, "Okay, fucking bitch, I know where you live, and if you think the people who were causing you to change you number were bad, wait until my ass shows up at your fucking address, since I know where you live. After I get through with you, I will make sure you wish you were trapped in the mess." then hang up on her. I so wanted to. I do not think it was her who really made it through the shields. I mean, there was the jackass FBI agent who had his phone disconnected by some CEO from Qwest because he got arrested. HEY YOU DUMB FUCK FBI, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK A CEO IS? Joe N is our CEO, you fuck dumb retard.
Rage Release #2
hEhEhE... okay, that is not fair, I am laughing now. I was so enraged. Sorry, JOHD, I was going to let you restore my shields, but Jay beat you to it. Sure, the copy is not that good, but oh well, it brings me mass pleasure listening to this over and over. hEhEhE!! Oops, I did it again. Yeah, well, I will have some explaining to do with my not so nice away message. It is directed towards a lot of people. You know, something bad happened on Tuesday. But something even worse happened afterwards. The human thing of people taking advantage of a situation. Damnit humans are so fucking self centered. I can see why God would have wanted to destroy them all at one point. I get sick of seeing people fight over who has the best covereage or best pictures or who saw the most people fall/jump from the tops of the towers before they went down. I get SICK of seeing fucking papers have font sizes larger than even my word processors can do to get people's attention. I THINK WE GET THE FUCKING IDEA, DAMNIT. Fine, cover it. I have a copy of the Wednesday edition of the Des Moines reg, and they are so fucked up that they REPEAT their shit in almost every fucking article. I do not pay for a paper to read the same damn fucking thing 4 times. I can't wait until one of you fucks calls me, YET AGAIN, on my damn cell phone attemtping to get me to subscribe to your fucking paper. I can assure you the unfortunate person who ends up calling will be wishing s/he did not wake up for the day. Hmm... I was beyond angry when I was driving.
Rage Release #3
Oh yeah, that reminds me, Van Morisson, if you ever attempt to sing Comfortably Numb again, I will hunt you the fuck down and rip your voice box out with my own fucking hands. I have HEARD you sing before, you have a good voice, yet, the one song you sound like you are not even trying, is my damn song. Not today. Fuck you. JOHD... I cannot think of a time that I have been this angered. In fact... I would say this is close to hatred... but it is strange, because it is like there is no actual person or establishment to be hatred towards. It is also odd that it would be Jay & Silent Bob that come to my aid, and not the healing powers of Floyd. Well, I know there is no way I can sleep to this, so, Floyd will get me through the night. While I am on the subject of anger, let me direct this attack towards father, for when I called him Wednesday. Yeah, I started thinking to myself how wow... I am alive... and I could have easily been the opposite. I mean, even if not the World Trade Center, who knows when something could just happen to me or someone who I care about. So wow, I thought I would call him, and he wanted to know why I called him, and I told him I wanted to call him to let him know of all that love I have for him. So we talked, and something about Tuesday came up, and I explained how I was in NY, and how if I had stayed there for two more days that I would have been in the towers. I guess that thought is more in me than I originally thought, since it continues to come to me now and then. Well, gee, did not say much for the fact I was still around. Well, later, I talk about my credit cards and how I have a bit to take care of, like $2000 or so. He almost fucking YELLS at me! Yeah, sorry of the misfortune of my fucking birth, fuck you too buddy! Still tries to control me, to this day. See if I ever fucking call you again, ass.
Rage Release #4
This note goes out to the humans. Show some fucking respect for people. I know you want respect, so give the same. Don't you dare use shit like devistation to the nation for fucking your own gain. If I could find those people who decided to raise gas prices when they KNEW tons of people were going to storm and buy some, I would hunt you down, have you shaved, sterilized, and destroyed (thank you, Brad). You all give in to the fucking enemy!! Those people did fucking die in vein, because this is what they wanted. They did not want to kill innocent people. They wanted to make America shake and quiver. That is how they win. Make us panic, make us pariniod, make us think there is no safety. It works for a day, I can accept that, but after that, live fucking life, remember those unfortunate who are lost, and carry the strength deep down inside to fight against this damn evil. Not fighting with planes, bombs, guns, or strength of might. Fight with mentality, with will power, with strength of heart. Lots of people have been doing it. Donating money, or blood. Paying respect. Those humans... I applaud them. I do so for them fighting against the emeny, as opposed with their own allies. When you call me up, and use shit about the Trade Tower destruction to get your fucking phone up faster because you are truly a cold heartless fuck, then go fuck yourself for giving into the enemy. Rot... die... slowly. Same to all your family who agrees with you.
Rage Release #5
hEhEhE... there goes that song again. I some times tune the things out around me, and I forget it is playing. I just have no desire to have hostility listening to this. I think it the fact I saw the movie twice, and I can see them "dancing" to this song, and man, that just kills me. I think I should go see the movie again some time soon. JOHD... the hatred-type feeling is gone. I thank you for listening to me. You are always here for me, and while I am at it, I want to tell you that I love you. You have been by my side whenever I "needed" it. I should have come to you more times in my life, but I did not. Nevertheless, there you are for me. You never make me feel like shit. You never disrespect me. Oh yeah... while I still am in my now unhappy state, I think I should say something else to the humans, JOHD.
Rage Release #6
Hey humans, a while back, I had mentioned how I was going to go more private, well, I had given it a lot of thought, and I decided not to. After all, it was mostly due to one human by the name of Linda. Here is the story of how it all went. See, I had liked Linda. She liked me. I was unsure what to think, after all, I am wanting to take things slow these days so that I do not blind myself with my own stupidity. Well, one day, she sent me an email, to which I wanted to at least reply to, but at the same time, you know, I do not want to give the wrong impression since I do not even know how I really feel about her. This would be when I would see her true self, the part of her that she would hide from people so they do not know it exists. She wrote me back as if I had insulted her to the high ends of the earth. She replied to me as if I was a cold heartless ass. The Reality is, she wrote me an email, and in her mind, had this distorted fantasy idea of how I should have replied, and I did not reply to the way she liked. So, after reading that, I got massively irritated at her for writing to me the way she did. She went, and as expected from someone in that position, into a non-existing world. I have no actual examples, believe it or not, I deleted all that stuff. Um... well, this is just an example of what I mean. Pretend someone says that you are nice and they enjoy your personality. Then, you do not do everything they tell you to do, so they say that you are really an asshole and a liar, even though in Reality you did nothing but say truth. Well, that is how she was. She went on to say how I had wanted her for nothing but sex, or something like that, and I thought that so damn funny since I never asked her for sex, even though we had sex. It was a mutual thing. I was drunk and not thinking right, and she was drunk to a point I did not realize, and did not even remember most of the night, yet I was so asking her for sex. Hahaha!! Okay... maybe if she could have remembered 75% of that night I could buy that. So after I wrote my reply, of which a lot was wondering who the heck I was talking to (the 180 degree flip caught me off guard), I got yet another unpleasent reply. It started to irritate me, but at the same time, I did want to talk about it. Maybe something could be worked out at least. Well, she did the utmost childish thing I have seen in a long time. She actually blocked my email address, so what I sent her came back to me. Now... blocking someone is one thing. But stating tons of your mind and THEN blocking an email address... that is something that goes well beyond childish. However, I learned one important thing from all that. I found out the type of person she really is. The persn she is capible of being. So... to connect it, anyone paying attention remembers Angry Human. Angry Human knows of what I wrote in JOHD because of Linda, and that means that Linda actively reads (or at least at the time) all that I write. I know the real reason she would have done such a thing. Back when there was still a chance that anything could have happened between us, she would many times mention how she did not want things bad between me and Angry Human. Well... in Reality, she was jealous, and she made it more than obvious the night she was drunk, and I was not the only one who saw it. So she was either lying about it to everyone, or she was lying to herself how she felt. Of course, since what I wrote was after her childish exploring time, it would be more than happy for her world to see any more pain or what have you in my life. What a better way that reading what I write to JOHD and using anything that she can against me. Closing shop up to people because of one or two humans is just wrong. In fact, while writing this, I think how it is letting the enemy win. I think in my previous anger I stated how letting the enemy win is a bad thing. Do I see her as a real enemy? No, I do not. She stated how she wanted to be a part of my life, and that in turn is how I shall act, for treat others as they treat you... well... in a nut shell. So for now, until she attempts elsewise, I shall ignore the fact of her existance. I shall get on with my life, and not let a mere human alter it.
Rage Release Complete
Of course... we have seen how more than one human can cause damage, JOHD. Like fire ants. One fire ant can be taken out by about anything. Ten thousand army ants could kill a human if they wanted to. But I have you, JOHD, to help build me strength. I have a few friends who I could trust at this point to not harm me in any way, not even unintentional. I have other loved ones as well, who will dust me off when I fall down. I have Floyd. I have the thought that I can overcome petty childishness. I have the thought that I am unique and special. I have the thought that while some can look at the cup as half empty, I can look at the cup as mine to drink or give out as needed. See... I feel better already, JOHD. From beyond anger to content. That is a cool trick. How the heck did I do it? hEhEhE... well... needless to say, I have been drained of massive amounts of energy. So, I go to sleep, and wake up to take care of some unfinished business. Wow... look at all we talked about, JOHD, and this was uninturrupted... not to mention, no computer crashes, mwahaha!! Master of Maddness, signing off 0145a......
Current Mood: enraged
Current Music: "Jay's Rap" - Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back Soundtrack (bad RA copy repeat)