Madd Martin L Kroeger (madd74) wrote,
Madd Martin L Kroeger

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Fighting Picture Watch

Madd's Log, Maddate 060818.57
-0000,over to Jen/O
-chat w/ little X
-Jen/O chat
-Wal-Mart: food, watch, personal care
-return pad
-new watch troubles
-not ready for bed
-fight alarm
-ready for day
-written warning \ verbal anger
-Raine: picture cleaning

I realize that little X cannot very much well recognize my voice right now, at some point he is going to.  I am not in the habit of talking to him, and this means that I have potential to not talk to him all the time as I would like.  While Jen could, and would, remind me, I would rather have the mental pleasure of knowing that I am doing it by habit.

Habit, by the way, was the first thing I talked to little X about.  I went into long discussions about that, and I talked to the little one about the fact mommy and daddy are having problems yet we still love little X to life.  I also talked about God, and I asked little X to forgive me if small or big important things got spaced off, for it is not anything I want to do, it just tends to happen.  The conversation lasted for about 25 to 30 minutes.

Now, skipping back a bit, by dealing with Jen, I meant the fact I was there solely to see little X, not Jen.  While it is really a disheartening thing, it is also a true thing.  She does not do much for giving me anything to look forward to.  She is one of a rare few this is true with.  I am not sure how we got together, on a human level.  We are so different, and she just does not seem to work well with me a lot.  She has great qualities, don’t get me wrong.  There are things that I enjoy about her, and things I love about her.  However, as I was stating to my little sister, it takes more than just love to make a relationship work.  Love and a baby is all we truly have on a continuous basis.  There are strips when things go well, however, they are bursts.  Add to the fact the way she treats me, more and more, and that pretty much well notes the reason I am here to talk to my child as opposed to see her.  The irony is, she may get pissy or upset when I do not want to hang around her, yet it is her behavior that I want to get further and further away from.

Also, there was a nice note on her computer.  She asked me to smack her mouse, and when I did, a nice big notepad-ish letter saying sorry for calling me an asshole.  She would, a bit later, make reference to me holding a grudge.  Yet, she does not get, when you act the way she does, and has, that you have to start showing that you are really sorry as opposed to thinking, that every five minutes you act malice, you can say sorry, and that is it, nothing else.  Yes, I know it is not every five minutes, however, you get the idea.  I will state it was a very nice gesture what she did, more so than simply telling me.  However, she is just going to have to start really proving that she is sorry, because it is so frequent now.

Despite being there for the little one, her and I did talk a bit.  I did have a decent time with her, and I got to read a little bit of her psychology book.  I would stay there a bit longer than advertised, something that I pretty much well expected.  Yeah, I know, this reads like a Pulp Fiction novel.  Eh, live with it girl, hehehe.

So it was off to Wal-Mart.  I was not able to handle not knowing what time it was anymore.  The Clerks II with Spark when I was at Jen’s sister’s, and many other instances, where no watch no time, was not going to happen anymore.  So I took a while, however, found one that seemed to work.  After getting my food and others, I headed home.  I took time to setup the watch, and not even after an hour of having it, I already bust the damn thing.  The little bar used to change the size flew off into space.  Well, my room, however, might as well been thrown into the Mississippi.  Also, being a male, I was able to fix up a temporary solution; one that could be permanent, hAhA!

Well, it took me a while to go through and do things, and by the time I went to bed, it was very late.  I ended up sleeping about forty minutes through my alarm.  Of course, being Friday had the wonderful OT to work.  It would turn out to be a most wonderful work day.

Wow, talk about being able to forget I am an expecting father, or that all the issues I have had with Jen.  So I got pulled in to go over my stats.  Another rep was there, so I waited a bit, not realizing that it was not someone else he was working with, but a union rep.  This came clear when I was told how I was going on written warning, and yes, it went almost violent from there.

See, thing is, NM was declared a state of disaster by governor Bill Richardson.  This is because for, well, the entire fucking state is under water.  How we have not talked to everyone in the areas is well beyond me.  So, I went off on the fact how pissed I was that my usual 3 minute calls are running 11 or so because of this.  I also got into the fact how fucking pissed I am that I work a night shift, and I get assholes who talk their trap for 51 fucking minutes because I cannot simply transfer the customer to the business off, BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING CLOSED.  Treat all people equal... fuck that bullshit, all people are not equal.  They take my resources away from me, and in doing so, that causes me to have more problems with customers that I otherwise would not have.  Yes, there have been some times that I have gone off and put priority on sending a message, or sending email.  There are ALSO times I have gone on make busy to help out fellow coworkers with problems, because Madd Martin is the “know how to fix it” human around here.

So what does it all boil down to?  Well, it boils down to customers getting the shaft, because my job is not worth taking the extra time to put effort into helping out customers.  I am not able to perform the kick ass service that I otherwise would want to give my customers.  I am not able to help out my coworkers the way I wish to help them out.  Any ability to enjoy my job, which I have held onto for a long time, is slipping away.  As far as I am concerned, this is Qwest’s attempt to shut down our center.  A viable reason, once they walk out over half of the center and no longer are able to support calls.  Thus bring in Malaysia, or whatever other foreign company they resource us out to.  I have fought, and fought for this company, and this center, talking about how ridiculous it is to outsource repair and what problems it would cost.  I no longer can do that.  If I was a lawyer, I would have to do that thing where I stand in front of the judge and say I am no longer able to represent my client because of some reason thing. {sigh} Titty fucking shit, man.  When it rains it... well, yeah, NM knows that story.

hEhEhE!!  I just thought of our baby, and a big ass grin plastered itself over my face.  How cool is that.  Man... I think now would be a good time to get a laundry list of things to be prepared for.  I just want to have a list, that way I am prepared.  Believe it or not, JOHD, I like to be prepared for things.  hEhEhE!!  I just reread me giggling about the fact I was thinking of our child, and again I giggled.  Sorry, JOHD, I was sidetracked.  So yeah, get things prepared, a list of not only the obvious things, but the things I could overlook.  I mean, I want to make sure I have things to properly document my child.  My camera is kinda piss poor in the video recording department.  My amateur porn is an exemplary example of this.  Last thing I want is our child to grow up thinking he had a skin condition because he was all green in his infant videos.  It also time I get the audio recorder... oh, what is his name... ah... the one... voice recorder... wow I am a bad parent.  Eh, adopted child, who cares as much, hEhEhE!!

Man those foreign people are way to friendly.  Granted, they know almost nothing about repair, and they misunderstand the majority of what is said, but at least they are friendly.  So that is what they want to replace us all with.  Nice people, who are as smart as the dodo bird, and as understandable as Japanese stereo instructions to the American consumer.

My fucking word, how many times do I have to have my Wed schedule fixed.  Again I am sending email to have my damn schedule fixed.  This place just wants to drive me crazier than I already am.  Oh, JOHD, no worries, the only people who will be shot is management.

Also note that I did not hear anything from Jen.  That definitely is not a good way to attempt to undo damage that is done.  I guess we can just traverse this water for a while until I drown from it.  Eh... lucky for her in this case, for some reason, I just felt to be in a rather decent mode in the later part of the day.  I am not even sure the exact reason.  Maybe you have something to do with it, JOHD.  Maybe the fact, to this time, I can still think of our little child.  Master of Maddness, signing off......


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