Madd's Log, Maddate 060816.37:
-Jen/O discussion: dimensions \ 5th dimensional thinking
-Jen/O argument: no sex hints \ not paying as much attention to her
-not ready for bed
-ready for day
-dITZ work: Starbucks included
-Raine: website work \ Jen/O email catch-up \ JOHD catch-up
-new mobile service: phone expected Mon
-hit and run
After watching Eureka, Jen ended up coming over. We had started to actually talk about things, and I really enjoyed it also. It has been an extremely long time since I think I have even thought of this concept, 5th dimensional thinking. I used my cell phone changing into a baseball as an example, as well as killing off a plant with the power of thought. I think some of this discussion came from the Eureka episode I had just watched. Guy using all of his brain. Jen stated that Einstein had a theory that if humans used all of their brain, they would become pure energy. I am not sure I agree with him on that, and that is where I went off on the tangent of 5th dimensional thinking... I think.
Well, afterwards at some point I went out to play some of the demo games on my 360. I spent all this money on the thing, and I have not been playing it, so I thought I would get some time in. I like Galaga, well, minus it resetting after the third level. I see my Pac-Man ability has gone shot to hell, as I am playing that like crap.
Well, in the middle of playing, Jen called for me, and we ended up in an argument. It was comical, in a way, that she wanted it known she had gone an entire week without arguing. The comic part is that there is an actual “requirement” to keep track. Anyway, it went into territory I am definitely not use to of late, and that is her not getting action. Yes, JOHD, I said that correctly. She actually had a desire to get some lovin from me. Problem on my part was that she sent an email earlier this waking day talking about it, however it was indirect. Because I have become use to not expecting her to make moves, things did not register. What bothers me about this, is that it was brought in how me and when I am in the mood. Difference between that is this: when I am really in the mood, I make moves. I will touch, I would kiss, as I have done before the few times I was raring to go. She did not do anything. She did not even comment. I feel a part of this problem deals with the other argument, that I have not been paying as much attention to her.
She talked about how I have not really been paying much attention to her of late. In thinking about it, I notice that she has a very good point. As to the exact reason for it, well, I really am not sure. The behavior mimics that of, well, me being me. I know nothing on the surface that would make me not want to be around her. I could speculate a few things, including ways she has acted to me and something inside of me reacting to that. It is also a possibility that I simply expect her to blow up and yell at me for something. I mean, a very good possibility. The last thing I want to do is up and not pay attention to her. The only exception to this is when she starts blowing up with anger as she does.
So, getting ready to head out, in the shower, etc, I started thinking how, yeah, this relationship is going to fail. I think the biggest reason for this is that Jen simply is not the kind of person who I am looking for in a woman. I mean, when it comes to being a mom, she appears to be grade A stuff. When it comes to being a wife to Madd Martin, she pretty much well fails the test. Which test? The one’s that God appears to be throwing out. A lot of things have happened, some really strange coincidences that I almost attribute to, God showing the inner working of how things work. I mean, we are talking about a person, who in an argument, told me to note to everyone that we went a whole week without fighting. The problem is, that it “need” be noted to you in the first place, JOHD. Since when do I date anyone with such an attitude? When do I date someone who is so controlling without acknowledging such? When do I date someone who I end up giving massive multiple chances to? There is always something. Pregnant, tired, hungry, burning hot, pain. I attempted to talk to her about how she does not have to put blame on the pregnancy due to me attempting to show her how to simply take responsibility for her actions. In accordance to my job and how I have been treated for seven years, I should, by my own standards, be an absolute asshole. By how I am treated by her alone, I should be lashing out and being much more of an asshole than I end up being. Maybe I am right in thinking that of late, my mind is starting to give less attention, just because it knows it should cause a reaction, and prove the point of moving on that has been getting more dominate of late. I mean, I did not give it much thought until she mentioned it, however, I do see how that is a possibility. It is really unfortunate when it is not a matter of is she going to burst out with a form of anger, but when.
To that, however, my day was quickly resolved. I was not really awake while chatting with her on the phone and playing FFXI, even though enough to really be agitated at the comment she made about BJ. It made me think of when Spark was having troubles because his brother’s birthday was coming up, and she just up and showed the most cold and heartlessness I have seen come from a human being. The comment about Shari was very similar, in that she was not saying anything bad about her, but the situation and how I handled it. So most of the conversation I was just simply there, however that did jump start me in the wrong direction. It did not last long.
On the drive to see dITZ at work, I cranked up the Lunar. Wow talk about power of music to the rescue. I so started to fantasize about my visit to the land of Yeast and Cheese™. I am getting massively excited! Then I got parked and headed to ING. hEhEhE, I should write mail to Samus to tell her I found their headquarters! Well, I some how managed to get through their security door, and to be honest, I knew I had a feeling I was somewhere I was not suppose to be... yet. Well, found dITZ, and we headed to Starbucks, because you know, have to pump up that franchise as much as possible. Of course, that raspberry frappichino was damn tasty.
Work itself was... very well. I was supercharged from the drink, I think. I got a lot of online things done, including the update to my website, that has been massively overdue. It looks a little better, even though I honestly feel I am going to go with some java menu based system, to really give my site a powerful look. Yeah, so no one else goes or subscribes to my updates, I almost do not give a flying fuck :D I like the work I have been putting into it. I have also been learning a lot about iframes. I admit it would be cool to get some traffic, however, I am not going to push the hell out of it, and I sure as hell am not going to spam it out.
So I replied to Jen’s emails, and this includes all the ones I did not get yesterday. Jen has gotten something that no one else has, a catch-up of emails on the scale that she has. I know a part of it deals with me understanding how much they mean, however, I know how much they mean to a lot of other people. I guess as of now, it deals more with, she is actually sending emails, more so than others. So, she ends up getting them. She came in during a time when I had a really bad problem, and while I still have my problems (hi JOHD who has so many update holes it is not funny), at least I am starting to win battles (hi JOHD who has all these entries here and there lying about as opposed to all dead space). So yay to the fact, Madd Martin is not a quitter.
I also did some work on the web site. This included a brand new look for MW. I really like it, even though, after all that hard work, I think I am going to go with a TOTALLY new design. Still, the work I do is exciting, it really makes me extremely happy. I am not sure the reason... well... maybe it has to deal with me not procrastinating anymore. I have been wanting to work on my site for years, literally. I am finally doing it!
Another very exciting part of my day was that I have decided to get another wireless service. I am going to drop Cingular and go with Qwest. One would think with me working in Qwest repair, the last thing I would do is get a mobile from here. However, I know that I deal with repair, so all I get is the crap end of the deal anyway. It is a PC phone, I have added earlier unlimited night and weekend, at 1900, so that I can start calling more people during my lunches. Gee, all these wonderful things I do for my friends :D So yeah, I am very excited about this!
Of course, the excitement for the evening would quickly take a turn for the worse. I was chatting with Jen on the way to BJ. For once, JOHD, Jen did not help in a major shift of my mood. I had parked Alex way out, like normal, and as I was about to make it inside, I heard what sounded like a crash, and then an alarm. It did not take long for me to realize, that alarm was Alex. I started to walk over, and confirmed as some truck of some sort was jetting out of the parking lot at tire squealing speeds. By the time I was able to snap together, the vehicle was well beyond my range. Unfortunately due to my leg, I was not able to run after to catch up and get a plate number :(
So I went inside, and no one knew anything about who it could be. I ended up calling the cops, as well as my insurance. I am not sure the reason I called my insurance, as of late I had dropped my complete coverage since they did absolute dick when Alex was broken into. Well, the irony is that not even four months after, I would require it. The only bright side is that I would have paid $1000 for it anyway, and at the rate I am going, in another month with the lower payments I am making, they would cover for Alex’s repairs anyway. So the cop showed up, and he stayed there a long time. Got my license, insurance card, registration... so they can run a fucking check on me. How damn cute is that. Towards the end of the 20+ min ordeal, he admitted without more information, that he doubted they could do anything. However, it is on file. I apologized for wasting his time, as I really felt I did, with nothing to go on. Shit, I do not even remember if it was a Chevy or not. Things simply did not register. So he said that is what he was there for, and that to call any time. As I started back into the bar, I almost started to cry. It was his comment that almost put me over the top. Reason? Well, I thought about other times I called the cops. That, and my poor baby had just had his ass kicked, literally. Master of Maddness, signing off......