Madd's Log, Maddate 060628.34:
-FFXI/pc: supply quest w/ death
-not ready for bed
-ready for day
-2300,BJ: 1 HR OT
-sing Devil Went to Jamaica: Larry/BJ request
So, I return home, and did a bit of running around in FFXI. I ended up going home (San d’Oria) so that I could work on some supply quest in the forest. I took a Chocobo to the middle of no where. I realized I was most likely not going to make it back to the start of the forest, and I was right. However, I was so incredibly close! Narg!!
So I got up, did the day thing and all, and got ready for work. So, as I am doing my teeth and on my way to my desk, my heart sinks into my chest as the thought of death, and complete blank nothing, and I am no more. Lights out, game over. I have pondered the thought before, because of simple curiosity. This is more, and what is worse, to me in having this... fear, if you would, to me means disappointment to God. There is no reason for me to feel the way I do, because of my belief in God. From a logical standpoint, that should mean that I do not believe, otherwise there is no reason for me to feel the way I do. This concerns me. Also, note this time, unlike last, I am not breaking down and freaking out. I think some of this all might have something to do with the recent death of my Grandmother. Then, of all people, Oprah, comes on with this whole thing about our planet dying. Stupid bitch should go back to eating food and giving shit away for tax breaks.
So yeah, all of a sudden, my world has changed, massively, and I have absolutely no clue what is wrong or what really caused it. From this, however, I got a strange determination to get me a house, and get out of my apartment, so, I did end up going to Lendtree.com and started the process of getting pre-approved for a home loan.
So I got to the bar, in my strange “in 100 years we are all going to die anyway” state. There was not much to interact with as Jen was running late, which was no problem with me. The first song I put in was for Larry to simply pick a song, and he did end up doing so.