Madd Martin L Kroeger (madd74) wrote,
Madd Martin L Kroeger

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The OT Within

Madd's Log, Maddate 060522.17
-DVD movie: Final Fantasy: Spirits Within
-DVD movie: Danger Mouse
-return pad: Jen/O passed out on couch
-not ready for bed
-ready for day
-1430,work: 1 hr OT \ expensive parking
-pop Jess: wonders if I still love her, and is just curious \ note how one is not just curious on such a comment \ explanation of starting sex \ notes about possible sex \ interest in having sex with another guy \ “just think if I tried to pick up women”
-Raine: JOHD \ family map creation
-man Jill/Q is hot
-pop Jill/Q
-feedback skills recognized

Okay... Cabin Fever.  Yes, it was cool that they got The Last House soundtrack through a lot of the movie.  Yes, it had some gore, and Madd approves of that.  Yes, saw some titties and some basic sex scenes.  Plot?  Ha!  Well, the plot is a skin disease kills a bunch of people.  The acting... well, I have seen much better.  If I were a critic, and it was not a registered trade mark, I would give it a thumbs down.  Things like Denise, the ninja flipping crazy pancake loving kid, and the “love” story between two of the kids, that, well, just gets thrown out the window as he is fucking some other chick and this and that.  Well, this movie could serve similar to Rocky Horror.  It is so dumb in many instances, that it deserves to be watched just for that in itself.  I will say, the old man with his gun referenced for “the niggers” turned out to be way more funny than could be realized.  Of course, that only comes about at the end of the movie.  I think what was so great about it is that I do not believe anyone could have seen it coming.  Oh yeah, and the dumb cop and the way they wanted to track him down... yeah, more to the bad plot/acting/screenwriting.  Oh well.  I got to see some gore at least, and that old white dude really gave me a laugh.

It is amazing listening to Spark make references to FF:AC as we were watching Spirits Within.  Also, every time I would yawn he would go into his drunken, “you are not leaving, now are you?” insanity that his drunk self does.  I have come to accept this behavior in him.  So I left to go home, and find Jen/O passed out with her ass pointing to me.  I limped to my bed and went to sleep.

So first thing I did as I woke, was check FFXI.  I have learned to check it as quickly as possible to not repeat the problem that happened last time a quick maintenance was done.  FINALLY someone bought that damn Raise and Cure III spell I have been attempting to get rid of.  I also started on the next quest to make me more popular.

So I did not shower after da poop, and I was 5 min late to work, however I was not worried as it was OT.  It sucked that I ended up parking in the expensive spot, oh well.  I had some interesting chats with Jess.  It started off on me noting that I would be busy, and she went into being used to that, and the like.  The way she says it, generally, is in a cold nature.  Then she went into asking me if I still loved her.  I do not care what any human being thinks, something somewhere in the brain things are happening when you ask someone if they still love you.  While it may be curiosity on the top of her mind, something is going on further.  That is my story and I am sticking to it.  I also went into my incorporation of sex and humans (as inanimate objects and animals have their own rules, hEhEhE!!).  While we have sort of had the chat before, it was a refresher, in a sense, with some clarification.  Hence, it was not simply repeating information.

When dealing with sex with other humans, it is generally established that in no way shape or form I initiate.  This is true for the first time.  This was established two fold.  First off, sex is not a priority in my life at all (minus some times when I am drunk).  Second, in protection from the crap which is female thinking (no offence, JOHD), I have found it imperative to protect myself from the old stereotype that all guys want is sex.  Even under this rule, I have been accused of such, to where I promptly snapped back, pointing out who started the whole sex thing first.  Yes, it shuts up those bitches fast.  Yes, I said bitches because dumb fuck female who dare scream and yell how all I want sex, when they show more sexual desire than I do, because they find a need to make me to be out a bad guy, are bitches.  I am damn well tired of females and males sitting there, and blaming the other party regarding a “failed” relationship, and using false rationalized projected excuses to push blame away from the fucked up things those people did.  Er, well, anyway, yeah, so, back on track, the other part I noted, a change, is that I can initiate if it has already been done.  As a general rule, the other must initiate when it is first time, or if I am not in the mood.  Otherwise, I can initiate now.  This came into play by being around a few females who felt as if I was not attracted to them or not interested and the like because I would “never” start anything.  It made logic sense and I found that not a right thing to do.  I cause enough unintentional pain as it is, so why not alleviate what I can?  hEhEhE...

I think the whole convo about asking about love and going into sex deals with the fact she is showing up to get her daughter some time in the near future, and... well... yeah, sex, of some sort.  Something that was more interesting was the fact she noted interest in having sex with another guy.  We went into a whole “I told you so” to prepare, even though she totally went off how that was not the case.  Um, yeah, this coming from the woman who dug well into me how much I did not understand because at some point I mentioned about her and dating another guy and me ripped for not realizing just how much she cares for me and is NEVER, and I mean said NEVER, be with another guy.  I realize she is in love with me and cares the world for me, however, I believe I know humanity enough to know, that at some point down the road, she is going to end up with someone else.  I think a big part of what is going on in her subconscious mind, is that she has built up so much how much she loves me, that to even realize she could end up with another guy makes it look as if it was a lie.  I mean, while it is my opinion, I almost feel that she chooses to think this way.  She gets very defensive, one key in realizing my theory.  I would love for her to find someone else, and be happy with him, and it has nothing to do with me not caring for her, which ahs been implied before.  What is the reason people are so selfish over this sort of thing?  It goes, when you love something, set it free.  Let it be free, let it be happy.  Where in there does it translate to “good riddance”?  Ug.  Luckily, that debate was short lived.

The more she was talking about this guy she had a thought about (which for her clarification, JOHD, she claims she never would have if he had not mentioned it before), it turned out he was quite able at taking the lady’s home from the bar.  I mean, it sounded like he had a new woman every time he went out.  It made me think, what if I actually went out and attempted to get women?  I do not make any real attempts now.  Yes, I am friendly, I have gotten or given emails and numbers before, however, I am friendly, and I do not work to get into anyone’s pants.  It just happens that way, about 30 some times.  I could put my skills to work, and I could be bringing home the bacon.  Yet, I am not.  I find some good in you yet, Kroeger.

The rest of the night went well.  I was extremely happy to see that my ability to troubleshoot and give feedback came back in the form of being highly recommended for a focus group on some of the interfacing we were using.  It is nice to see that I really do have the skills to pay the bills.  Oh yeah, and Jill/Q is flippin hot.  Master of Maddness, signing off......


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