Madd's Log, Maddate 060106.58
-sing Shine On You Crazy Diamond
-sing Devil Went Down to Jamaica
-first contact: Kristy/O
-not ready for bed
-Hearts/360: yes I am playing this instead of Halo 2, hehe
-ready for day: minus UPS
-pop Jess: priority discussion \ my "inability" to "kiss properly" \ personality vs. looks \ who says "I love you" first \ her continued denial of the possible subconscious thoughts in her brain
-pop Whatever/Q: rants about management and scripting
-Chrissy visit 2
-txt Chrissy: same feelings for 8 years
-2300,BJ: send JOHD \ gets hit
So, I really enjoyed Bevin’s birthday/Christmas gift. She has taken the route so many before her have, utilizing the fact my birthday and Christmas are in the same month. Imagine that, haha, oh well, the present was most excellent. I now am in possession of a Pink Floyd sweater thing, with a hood. There were many buttons on it as well put on by her.
My ending song was Devil, and while many might have been hoping for the actual song, the parody really struck a lot of people, and there was much happiness in the crowd, especially Josie/O, who can relate with the song. Well afterwards, I got to meet Lyndsey/bar’s counterpart, Kristy/O. First off, the reason I /bar one friend and /O the other is well beyond my understanding. Josie got an /O also. Oh who knows how my brain thinks. While this is the first time I have met her, we actually ran across each other two weeks ago. When I first met Lyndsey, Kristy was with her. They were both drunk (which apparently they usually are when they are out that late at a bar), and Kristy had looked at me, and we kept looking at each other and the largest smile came across her face. Ah, how drunk people are so flattering, hEhEhE!! So anyway, she was extremely friendly and gave me some contact info.
Well, my party decided to leave rather early. I still had drink to take care of. So I was able to finish, said later to my remaining scattered friends, and went home, stopping by McD for some food first. Thank goodness I could make it to bed without passing out. Take that, masturbation, haha!
So, as I was getting ready for my day, on my 360, when I got a message, something like, “I can’t believe you have an Xbox 360 and are playing Hearts”. Well, however it was, I was not able to return the message to him since 360 can’t send to regular live players, well, that I am aware of. I did find it hilarious that indeed, I spend $425+ on a machine to end up playing Hearts on it... of which I spent $5 for ($6.25 for 500 points, then 400 points for Hearts = 6.25/500 = 0.0125 * 400 = $5).
Well, I would not get out in time to get to UPS to pick up my movie. I would have to call so they would hold it. I would get to work, and... drama time! hAhA, just kidding JOHD. Actually, the conversation went rather well between Jess and I today. One thing noted was me kissing. Now, I know that Jess does not taste as much as an ashtray as some girls I have kissed in my time. I also know that is not a valid reason that I totally hold off on really getting into kissing someone. I had thought, maybe 4 or so months ago, on this subject before, realizing that I really do not foreplay around as much as I use to. Of late, if I do, many times I am drunk, and appear to be... more emotionally out there than usual. I think my decreased kissing habit is something to do with my overall feeling on the matter. JOHD, there is a possibility I simply may have lost a lot of the respect I once had for women. Female after female after female kicking me down, stomping on me, and the like, may help contribute to the main force of me not being so intimate. I guess I am tired of all these expectations when I lay my cards out from the git-go as to where I stand. Some people come up with their own fantasy (Jennifer/Q) as to what it means, then grill me for things that never happened that I stated most likely would not anyway. Unfortunately, if this is the case, then it means that people are not getting the clean slate that they deserve. Now, I also know that my feelings are the other large chunk of this. If my heart is not as into a person, a part of me translates that with less intimate kissing. Of course, none of this is concrete. Also, I would imagine there are other things. At any rate, I admit it does bother me, and I wish it addressed. More things to clutter my brain, yay!
The other big part of the convo dealt with what I feel most humans do, which is the denial of certain things that the subconscious has cooked up. I think what makes me to aware of the situation is due to the fact, that I remember way back in the day when I would suppress, reject, regress, deny, and all those other wonderful things our brains do to not make us look out to be as bad as we really are as humans. I got over that. I realize how messed up I am as a human, and I work to bring out this information so that I may correct it. There are few people I know who do the same thing. I believe her to have done a few things of this nature. The only reason anyone should be concerned, in my eyes, is if they are working to better themselves in life. To me, the only way to make progress as a human, is to look deep and accept many things that might be, or, at least entertain the idea unless proven otherwise.
I also had a handful of chat with Whatever/Q, who was ranting and raving about a lot of Qwest related bureaucracy. She gave out an angry vibe that I have been building up for this company for a while now. The way we are heading, as a society, as well as a company, just can be irritating. She points were extremely valid, and I could relate.
So, ending my work night would be Chrissy, who after enough flirting I would get a comment how I know how she feels about me. I do? Hmm... this is news to me. It appears she has the same feelings that she has had for over eight years. Well... Chrissy is known to be extremely vague, unless things are spelled out to her, so that could mean a lot of things. The last known translation was something about wanting to date me is all. I sent a txt inquiring if this would have been true while she was seeing her baby’s daddy. No response... haha! What a shock, NOT. Note to self: predictability of select humans still around 98 percent accurate.
Well, once again, I wanted to be out and about, and still take care of you, JOHD. I decided since I was void of a lot of things (food, underwear) that I would park at BJ to update. As I was attempting to get a connection, I was ran into! I was just sitting there, and Alex moved and there was a sound. I could not believe someone fucking ran into me as I was parked. What kind of fucking morons do we have around here? Oh yeah, that is right, billions of them. Well, I got out, and checked for damage. To be honest, I could not notice anything. The person got out and was all sorry and stuff, and I said it was okay, things appeared to be fine. Shortly after, I headed to Wal-Mart where I checked further. I can see something, however, it is so insignificant, and kinda matches the dirt, so at worst case, it will require touch up paint. Alex has seen worse than this, such as a stupid shit riding his bike into him.
So overall, a rather decent day, even with Alex being hit by a bully, hehe. Master of Maddness, signing off......