Madd's Log, Maddate 060105.47
-dITZ, Gem arrive
-return pad: w Jessica/BJ
-not ready for bed
-slept: passed out
-ready for day
-pop Jess: accused of lying about no phone sex last time (noting biggest reason too drunk) \ does not accept apology of calling a fucking bitch due to doing something she felt no right to do since knows I defend truth better than entire world \ stated had every right to say it
-the 850 mile house moves
-FFIV/gba: return to planet to change party
-FESS/gba: lost party member yet again
-2300,BJ: to post JOHD entry
-Bevin birthday/Christmas gift: Floyd hoodie!
Well, the doopie twins finally decided to show up... very late, I might add. In doing so, there was more fun interacts with Michelle/Je, and even dITZ noted and made a slight comment about it. Tee-hee... it is all good, humans are humans, and some have more pride than others. I have no pride... oh wait, I have no tits, no, I have pride. Well, some, somewhere, somehow.
So, Jessica wanted to visit, and I was cool with that, so we went back to my place and did some 360TV. It had not really crossed my mind that anything would be sexual, even though, now that I think about it, the request has been there almost every time. I’m not that good, am I? hEhEhE... well I have not been of late. I seem to have lost something in my sex drive. I have issues when I want sex, and just as fast it seems to go away same day. Well, needless to say no matter what I might have been thinking, when her hand when down my pants things clicked into place. Even tired I am going to be switched on a bit. So she wanted to go to the other room, and we did. That reminds me, that couch is damn uncomfortable. While it might be a great lure to get women to come sit in my bed, it is not my purpose. Would someone please fix it :D
Well, she asked what I wanted, and I really did not have an answer, so I got some oral. It was great... and afterwards, more of that strangeness I talked about. There was something she wanted to see, or shown, or something on Polydacty. I did so, and then she is going how I am not paying attention to her. How crazy is that? hEhEhE... well... my time in this conscious would quickly come to an end, as I would pass out on my bed. I remembered hearing her mentioning something about heading out. Huh huh huh... I said head.
So I was unable to make it to UPS to pick up my corrected movies. I made it to work so that I could continue the drama that is chatting with Jess, hehe. Well, this time things got out of hand, and to that, I like to revisit the world of trigger words. See, she made a reference to how I had lied to her about the last time we chatted late and phone sex was involved. At the time I told her she had ruined the mood. This was the same night I ended up calling her a bitch for how I perceived her acting. Today I advised her it was due to me being drunk, stating that the mood thing was a smaller reason. She kept making referencing to me lying to her. I did not appreciate that comment. I got angry and flustered. She would end up apologizing stating it was wrong of her to say I was lying. She felt bad and was upset. To that, I bring you, trigger words.
I remember from class, that there are certain words of power. There are also trigger words. The words of power are ten, and go something like I, you, them, ought, should, but... and... um, a few others. It was stated what made each word special, with you and them being something close to passing blame as opposed to stepping up to the plate and accept responsibility. For example, “You have angered me” as opposed to “I have chosen to be angry”. Of course, the infamous but, where the analogy, “I love you but I am tired of you not taking out the trash,” where everything before the but gets dissolved by the brain. Of course, besides these words, we have those things that set us off. Someone I care about calling me a liar, for example, is a great show of a trigger word in action, as I rant and rave and rage my way through the conversation. I called her a fucking bitch, what more can I say? I did apologize for it later, stating I was out of my element, however, she would not accept it, noting she deserved it and it was not my fault. I do not agree with that logic, as I can choose how to be. Oh well...
Well, by the end of the night we were both feeling much better, and happiness for that. She is really a great woman, she is. So, I would head out to BJ to show some love to my favorite girl, by hitting the only WiFi spot that I am aware of in West Des Moines, as I otherwise do not know of any place west that offers it. Also, I stated I would work to get you taken care of and caught up, and that IS my story and I am sticking to it... thus far... Master of Maddness, signing out......