Madd's Log, Maddate 060104.37
-Gem anniversary: observed
-over to Gem’s
-4 on the Pizza Train
-shmoke: half hit
-fun with crazies
-return pad: note significance to dITZ and Gem
-not ready for bed
-ready for morning: minus teeth
-1230,work: free parking!
-pop Jess: bothered by all the thinking between us \ wants weight off shoulders lifted \ not a big deal x 2 \ hiding behind excuses \ extreme troubles with Jen involving promises, honesty, and the use of “never” \ big misunderstanding and word usage for my views on sex (clarified?)
-Monica/Q reference to my importance
-FFIV/gba: finally beat Lunar Dragon
-2100,BJ: Jessica/BJ there
-Madd the impatient shot taker
-explain 0:00 – 24:00 rule
-sing Comfortably Numb
-Jessica/BJ wants analysis
-Michelle/Je debate on her self-image \ clarification of self-esteem vs. self-image
-sing Hits From the Bong: song substitute by Larry/BJ due to other singing
So I would head out to Gem’s place to not only pick up my camera, but also party with the soon-to-be pizza goers. I stopped by work because when you go out to left field, and do so successfully, I had a toy that works wonders for that. That was my cool new pen from Qwest. I also happened to find two other pens, so I was really good to go in the crazy light department. Chris/Ge lost his cookies rather fast. It is fun listening to him come up with excuses for everything. I am not sure how smoke makes someone throw up, especially someone who is around it so much. hAhA!! Silly humans. Gem’s cousin was the first to go, and the eyes were a dead give-a-way. I admit, the thought of joining in was very tempting, however, due to how I handle things that are not of legal nature, I think it best I simply stay away from it from now on. I get too many panic attacks when I’m out of my element, and it not be the drink.
-dITZ and I had a lot of fun with lights and the GBA, as I played some music. Gem’s cousin though I was the greatest thing since sliced bread, especially with how I was being a human beat-box and dancing and moving around all crazy like. hEhEhE, how funny is that. As I was the one who cleaned the green I decided to take a very small hit. Reason? I really do not know. I think there may be no physical logic to it, so it most likely is a “wish I was with you” type of thing. I did ask God to help me quit the stuff, and He did a great job doing that. Thank you for looking out for me.
So I was going to leave, however decided to stay to continue to be the trip fairy. It was a lot of fun, and afterwards I was able to get some SSBM in with dITZ, and Chris/Ge attempted to play, however he went off to some far off land where only he lived. hEhEhE!! That was rather amusing. I wish I could trip, because he would be a most excellent trip fairy. I also enjoyed answering his questions with Maddian literalism. Wow that is just too much. So much fun!
So since I had to be to work earlier than usual, I decided to get the console games out of the way. In doing so, I would go a little overboard on Kameo, and I knew what the results were going to be like. I was right, I would fight my alarm for forty minutes. Ug that totally sucked.
Well, working on less brain power would prove fun in chatting with two of my co-workers. Whatever/Q seemed to be more off base than I was, haha, and Jess... well, Jess would talk about issues she had on her mind regarding thinking about her and I. She seems to be burdened by this stress. It makes me feel bad as I can end it one way or another, and that is simply by stating I want to date her, or, that I am moving on. Well, the convo would also get into her perception of how I view sex. She used a lot of references such as I could have sex with a woman and not be attached. She would also mention how I would not want anything out of it if I had sex with another woman. This really irritated me, especially since despite us chatting about this long ago, she would not realize that I had explained a bit how I work in regards to sex. Later, we would learn, or so I believe, that a lot of what she said was simply poor word usage. I would also explain that when I have sex with a woman, I do so due to the closeness. There is attachment, the reason I must be careful where my penis goes. I have sex with someone nasty, in the mental department, it will cause me issues down the road. The other major thing is that is seems that her and Jennifer/Q are severing their friendship. Things are going too bad for them, and things were done, and that is how it is. Notice we have not heard from her of late?
Monica/Q would make a reference to something that I had been thinking about since I left Gem’s place, where dITZ noted how I was the best in the world to trip with, and a few other kind remarks. I realized just how much I touch a lot of people in my life. People really can miss me when I am not around, and of course, this adds to my desire to find a want of being there for people. I think Sam/Q has made this reference in the past also. Yes, actually, she did. Some people actually get close to depressed when they have been around me for a long time and then I am not there anymore. How strange is that.
Before leaving, Chrissy would come down to visit. I touched her boob! hEhEhE. I would walk her down to the lobby and get the chance to meet her godfather. He has the first appearance of being a really cool guy. Plus Chrissy gives praise about him. I would end up with a cigarette before my break would be over. I know, very not me, and realize I had a cig.5 at Gem’s also. It is not addiction as much as, I believe, enjoying that high. Of course, I get that way a lot when I have been drinking, taking a puff or two. No worries, it is not a habit I plan on doing anything in the next 50 years.
So I got to the bar, and Jessica/BJ was there. Lisa/BJ was there also. I had not heard from her since the last time we made out by her car. Yeah, scratch another “strange relationship” up in the books. I think people feel ashamed, or slutty, and thus do not want to be in as much contact with the person they had a thing with. Ironic, that in itself is what makes it seem slutty to me to not talk to a person much after such events. Jessica/BJ, on the other hand, was a different story. She has not up and walked away, she still continues to be my friend. She would invite her friend, Michelle/Je, who I met like 051102.3x. She was the married hottie.
Oh yeah, I got to explain the whole obsessive habit of doing things in a 24 hour period, noting 0:00 to 24:00. Jessica/BJ I think nailed the concept down better than anyone in such a quick time frame. Wow, how amazing is that? The other thing I would explain was you also, and how it is not possible to post about what happens on a given day on that day. Since the day is not over until past 24:00, and when that happens it is the other day. Hence the reason all my actual entries are done so the next day. Another easy concept for her to get, yay beans!
Well, Jessica/BJ would want the opinion of the most honest human she knows, and there are none more so than myself. So I gave her a little ditty about how I perceived her. I explained, in a nutshell, that she is a good friend, who I have had trust issues with, however were getting more trust in her. Speaking of in her, I mentioned that when drunk, she gets a little... selfish. In that, she wants to get off, haha, and unfortunately, in my older years now, I am not always in the mood to do so. I change my sexual desire more than a woman changes her mind. JOHD, stop looking at me like that.
Michelle/Je would prove to be a different story. We had a slight difference of opinion, mainly me seeing some signs of self-image issues. She would deny it, to the teeth (which in itself is a subconscious sign that it is true). I like her and all, however, there are some things regarding that type of behavior that I have a problem with. Of course, the only real problem would be on a dating level, and, she is married, so, no problem! Drama that fixes itself as fast as it is created. I should sell this shit in a bottle.
Well, JOHD, here is some BIG love for you. Right now I am at BJ, just so I can send this before I head out to the bar. Who has your love baby??