Madd Martin L Kroeger (madd74) wrote,
Madd Martin L Kroeger

Vacation Retaliation

Madd's Log, Maddate 051226.17
-Gauntlet/360: trial
-not ready for bed
-ready for day
-1430,work: free parking
-business queue
-hormonal issues
-not business queue (hehe)
-pop Ellen
-phone longs updated
-JOHD entries
-2300,return pad

Before heading to bed, and between fucking myself silly, I decided to give the Gauntlet game a shot.  As nice as it would be to get people on-line to play some old school, I must say, I have the game on emulator, perfect translation of arcade, and as Stingray help show me, that game can drive me nuts around level 110+, hehe.  Unfortunately the demo, besides having no obvious on-line play, only goes two dungeons.  That was a load and a half.  Oh well.

So when I did the work thing, I logged into the business queue, only to find out that I am not in the business queue anymore.  All good Qwest things will come to an end, there is no getting around that.  I also realized through the day that I seem abnormally unbalanced, sexually.  I want a nice warm wet pussy to jam my throbbing cock into, and pull it in and out as the slosh of... um, whoa, haha, sorry about that.

Well, being horny might be a good thing, as it might attribute to me getting the phone list documented, which was well over do, and also I would get in a lot of entries for you.  The thing about “vacation” is that I seem to slack like no other.  The other times I kept great tabs with you, I lost that the two times I went to the Land of Yeast and Cheese™.  It seems once I fall behind, it gets really bad.  I am happy that I have fought hard to not step into oblivion.  While I have not kept up with the full word on what I have been up to, I have kept a list, pretty much, to help spark my brain as to what I have been doing.

I so love the times I have skipped back to check on chats we had, years ago, and just see what was going on.  If ever there was a reason to have no care in the world what I write in here, regarding other humans, great entries of the past help to remind me.  We have had so many interesting times, and there is so much that has gone on, and so many things that I forget about.  Other things just help paint an interesting picture, like that time I read about Renata, back 4 or so ever years ago, when her and I had sex for the first time, and what she said then, and what she would say after a few year’s break.  Interesting to know what really goes on behind the eyes of humans.  Of course, it is not all a matter of catching people doing what they do best, lying.  hEhEhE!!  JOHD!  The entry, the absolutely wonderful entry when I encountered Numb, sober, at the science center.  I tell you, that is some great reading.  Some day something may happen to me, and I might forget who exactly I am and how I got to where I am.  With the help of you, that would not ever be a problem.  So when I do not write to you, many times, I can get a little down.  Add to that humans who live in their self absorbed world, saying that I do not remember and space this and that from them, when I space things off to you.  Add to THAT the fact I get even a bit more down when I space things off to God.  God does not get the glorious recognition that She deserves.  God is so great and grand, and there goes a day or so when the thought of God is not on my mind.  That frustrates me, and a lot.  Oh, but humans get miffed at me when I do not think of them or the like for a day.  It is a wonder I like people at all.  It is a wonder that I socialize with any of them, their damn greedy self-serving worlds they live in.  How irritating to just think of one’s self so much.

Speaking of which, since I have been off the meds for a long time now, I thought it a good time to report my findings.  Actually, this was something I was wanting to do, and have thought about, for a few weeks now.  It is only now that thinking of forgetting so much, that I remembered I have been meaning to do it!

Straterra.  I took this 40mg medication starting Nov 1st to Dec 5th.  That would encompass the five week sample.  It is a non-stimulant, and the first time taking it, rather quickly, I noticed side effects.  The first was dry mouth.  This is slightly than the dry mouth that I use to get when I shmoked.  The other thing I noticed was the first few days, I mentally was feeling... strange.  I am not sure how to place it, other than it is like having a panic attack, only without the panic attack.  Yeah, I know, makes perfect sense.  The other big issue I noticed was a change in sleep habits.  I was getting up WAY earlier than usual.  Most of the time, if I got up early, there was little reason to attempt to go back to sleep.  For a claim how the body gradually took hold to the drug, with it not being a stimulant, I sure reacted strange to it.  The other thing I noticed was that I had an extreme increase in dream retention.  I was able to recall, and dreams were more vivid.  In fact, the first night I had a dream (Dream Log, 051102.38: tags – acid, bj, famous andrew, food, lance, roller skating), it turned out a high rating as far as recall was concerned.  I would have many others afterwards.  The first few days that I took the meds, I would “notice” an increased behavior in getting something done.  It was not always what I wanted to do, however, I saw less and less of me sitting around doing nothing, arguing with myself that I was doing nothing.

So I thought maybe things were going to change for the better.  Of course, in less than a week, I managed to lock myself out of my house, and forget many other things.  One of the things I felt the drug was suppose to do, was to help focus my mind.  It seemed that there was no focus still.  Of course, I was recalling tons of thoughts that I did not otherwise believe I would think out of no where.  The thoughts were memories, ranging to extreme times ago.  Something was up, however, it may all have been in my head.  The drug was not suppose to affect me until much later, hence the reason I think it was psychosomatic more than anything else.  At some point when I go in for my follow up, I will talk to my doctor about it.


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