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Dec 12th, 2005

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23:47 - Drama and the Holy Grail

Madd's Log, Maddate 051211.78
-0000,movie: Monthy Python and the Holy Grail
-phone call with Jess: more misunderstanding and arguing
-not ready for bed
-ready for day (late)
-phone convo Renata
-DVD movie: Silverhawks: ep 4
-DVD movie: Viva La Bam

Well... happiness comes in the form of the Holy Grail.  Finally, I get to watch it on the big screen!  I tell you, how interesting it is that so many people who are there and watching it still laugh as if it was the 1st or 2nd time they had ever seen it, when I know better.  I was actually in tears towards the end of the movie.  Wow how that is one of the funniest movies in existence.

So afterwards I called Jess.  Phone call started as usual, all happiness and the like, me explaining how this movie is a must see, and it going into the arguing and bickering.  I feel she is in denial of a lot of how she thinks.  She wants to have that good attitude and I can get through it stuff.  Things just seem to progress downward.  Once again, she was upset and sniffling at the end of the call.  My goal in life is not to cause people pain.  She is no exception.  I am just clouded on whether things can really work out between us in the end.  I think the biggest thing keeping me from walking away is the combined effort of wondering if no distance would cause less stress between us, and the fact she is a rather trustworthy humans.  The drama is getting rather thick.  Good thing I am able to handle most forms of drama, eh?

Mmmm... and that Perkins was so darn good!

Another day of doing as little as possible, brought to you by the world of Animal Crossing.  This time I would do it solo, however.  Well, from one person in denial of things we go to another, Renata.  I sent her a txt stating that she forgot my birthday.  Shortly after, I got a phone call, and the rationalization just poured out like a busted mug.  Her daughter was sick, yes, and she is sick, yes, and they are both on medication, yes, and she is obviously able to call and return my message.  You plain and simply forgot, get over it, and stop making excuses already.  Man it gets old listening to excuses over and over again.  She is filled with them.  Also, after hearing her conversation go on how she dislikes touch so much to a point of not enjoying sex, and everything else, I cannot help but wonder how honest she ever is.  I have a documented entry, JOHD, thanks to you, from many some moons ago, about a very important lie.  Yet another woman making a claim of something regarding pregnancy.  My word it is no wonder there are so many of us around here.  Between men wanting to fuck everything that moves, and women who lie about the ability to be pregnant, I can only say it is a good thing that thousands of us are taken down by mother nature, for we would not be able to feed, employee, and space all the millions of humans who would otherwise me here.  The best and prime example was my own mother.  Sure, I have her to be thankful for doing it as it allows me to write about it.  Still does not mean it was fair to father at the time it happened.  I realize despise, deep down inside, woman who do that to guys.  It is the ultimate lie, because in doing so, a guy is forced into something he otherwise cannot “get out of”.  Even the law does about everything in the world to side for the female.  Only in special situations, and good lawyers, do the male win.  Yeah, it is the male’s fault for not taking precautions himself, however in those cases, it is usually not the man lying about his intentions.  Some times, he just wants to get laid.  Men are not the only one who fit this bill either.  {sigh} I think this possibly a reason that I handled the Arwen situation so piss poor.  There is a huge difference between being told one cannot get pregnant, and one will likely not ever carry to full term.  Despite anything else that happened, I believe this single blow here the main cause of me having the feelings I had of negativity as long as I have.  To that, I think it only right of me to make at least one attempt... an offering of the hand.  Give her the option of not being a friend, as opposed to it being the other way around.  Hmm... and to think she had not been in my mind for so long.  So, there goes the drama with Renata.  Oh, and let’s not forget she owes me over $2000.  Yeah, and men are the scum of the planet.  How strange I am not seeing proof of that on my side.

So on to better things of my day.  Well, the food plan changed as I was, once again, running behind.  So after a McD stop, I would go get it on with alien baseball hunters.  I was going to attempt to write an entry for you, however, Raine was going through some issues.  So, I headed back home, and made one of the shortest entries ever, due to me hardly doing anything yesterday.  Street Fighter was on, and I tell you, that show is so stupid it is funny.  I might actually want to waste some of my life to watch that all the way through.

So, on my way to get Sparked, I am pleased to realize that he is actually to start off coherent.  I realize he is a drunk, and I realize he uses the bottle to cover for the pain of all the things he has gone through in life, however, it frets me some times in how he acts and forgets my entire stay.  I can see how there was much tension between us back when we had the year+ break between each other.  I have come to terms on who Spark is, as a person, and as a drunk.  I have accepted it, the reason I go over and hang with him.  Because I care, because I love him, because he is my best friend.

Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: "Prelude" - FFIV/psx background

[[2 comments | Train your Brain]]


Date:Dec 13th, 2005 14:50 (UTC)
Sounds like you had a very busy and drama filled day. I sure hope things get better for you soon. I know it sucks when people cant be honest with you. You will find that I am one of the few girls who will admit to not being on birth control and being completely honest with whomever I want to have sex with. Not to mention if something happens I would hope and pray that I wouldnt need to make the guy help out. In other words if everyone was smart they would take all precautions if they were fully concerned, such as not only using a condom but also the female taking the morning after pill if she thinks there is any remote chance of being pregnant.
[User Picture]
Date:Jan 12th, 2006 07:35 (UTC)
well, yeah, most of it is all a matter of perception, and that is how I percieve things. when you care so much for a person, and they you, and you do not return what they hope for, drama is bound to follow. God has the plan, and that plan will have everything being better in the end.

haha, yeah, well, that other (birth control) is all my own fault when I fell into that trap. i have control of where my penis goes, and how it goes in.

yeah, i had two women use morning after pills... one i was stupid and dumped a load in, the other, condom broke...

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