Whatever the case, I find that something is wrong and changing in me. When things get out of hand, I simply find something else to do that I had not, possibly in attempts to tell myself nothing is wrong, or that there is no depression, or whatever else it may be. I find the biggest problem I have is not memory, it is motivation. In fact, I believe that motivation is what has me at what appears to be such a shotty memory in the first place.
I do not have any motivation to do anything any more. I find this holds true for people also. Have I been around so much dissipointment in human nature that I have simply given up? I wish I had am answer to that, for not even God seems to be excempt from this. I pray not to He as I want to. There is much to be greatful for regarding what He has done, and I do nothing about it. Heck, I am not even motivated to eat anymore. I do realize the importance of this, so, JOHD, I guess the only thing I can do is... well... seek help.
I do not like the idea of it, however, to not look into help for almost no motivation to even life, would be like me getting upset at someone with depression who denies it and does not do anything about it. Too many people I have come in contact with of late show an exreme case of what I am starting to really feel; hipocrytical tendecies. I like not such people so it right I not become one. On the same token, I have done with my mind what maybe would not ever be able to do, just because they would shoot themselves down and not be able to mentally attain it. So to that, I owe my mind the ability to proove that it can do anything. If it fails, well, then we shall let medicine take over and work its wonders, since I know how these types of doctor calls shall end. Not my doctor mentally probing me... just filling out the perscription card. It is a slightly frightening experience... a show of absolute non-control and weak ability. It would be one thing if I was someone else, who was not into the art of mental reconditioning. However I am. It would be like if I could not read a first grade book as opposed to someone who never learned to read. That person is not expected to be able to read it, and I am. Well... I give me the chance, to see if I require reading lessons.
With so much drama, I wonder if I should check to see if I qualify for a mini-movie on my unstable life. As long as Tom Green does not get the cast for me, because I might shoot myself if he does.
I will have to admit this to you Mr Madd, and I apologize for the bluntness... I am dissipointed in you. So now, make me proud.